why is he doing this?

**rescueme** · 30-12-10, 03:44 AM

Hi there,
Well my boyfriend broke up with me 5 months back. Was quite harsh when breaking up, insulted me an basically beat me down verbally... but said we could still be friends. We came back to uni (we're on the same course, but had been together for a while before uni started). Over the summer he contacted me once to ask how results went- and then just a random time to ask me a question I'm sure he already new the answer to. Anyway, we came back to uni and he seemed really uncomfortable around me, wouldn't look at me, or speak to me and basically tried to avoid all contact with me. When drunk he stand there and glare at me if I came anywhere near him, he tried to get with some girls in the first term but failed. A few weeks on my close friend (my now bf) asked my ex how he was feeling about everything he said he was feeling awkward and that it was a lot harder then he'd thought to come back and be friends with me. My mate then said "it seems like you still care a lot for each other though" and my ex agreed that we did.
I don't understand what his problem is. We never fell out- I've been nice to him since we've come back... any guys know what's going on?
oh- also, he's being a bit funny with my new boyfriend - ie won't talk to him as much any more... the other week we came to a party together (me and new bf) my ex saw us arrive and immediately left?

any thoughts on what's going on in his head?
cheers x

**mickle141** · 30-12-10, 04:16 AM

Silly question - but have you asked him that?

**rescueme** · 30-12-10, 05:29 AM

I have tried but he just wont speak to me. :\

**mickle141** · 30-12-10, 05:42 AM

Well he obviously seems to have issues and if you've been nice and even tried to talk to him theres not really much else you can do. If you're happy with your new bloke and bear no animosity towards your ex - just carry on as you are. You cant help someone that wont help themself. You tried!

Is it really bothering you?

**hello1** · 30-12-10, 05:47 AM

Why do you care? he obviously thought he could do better than you but could not get another girlfriend! but here you are with a new boyfriend well I bet he feels humilated

**rescueme** · 30-12-10, 05:53 AM

Thankyou for your reply. I know its silly and I shouldnt get bothered byt it- but I have to see him every day at uni, and his attitude is getting me down. He just doesn't seem happy at all, and although he has hurt me very badly, I just can't bare seeing him this obviously uncomfortable :\ I just dont see why he is though, I thought he'd be happier without me as his gf- its what he wanted afterall! He just really seems to have tried so hard to change himself too, he's hanging out with louder and more "popular" people than before, being generally arrogant towards a lot of the year- who are now not very fond of him at all, drinking more, taking up a lot more hobbies... sigh... I don't know what my aim is- I guess I just care too much and feel confused about what hes thinking/ feeling. It just doesnt make sense- surely it should be the other way around! I should be going off the rails and being funny with him!
Osrry for ranting

hehe
Any thoughts/ advice?
(thanks again for replying x)

**rescueme** · 30-12-10, 05:55 AM

Originally Posted by hello1

Why do you care? he obviously thought he could do better than you but could not get another girlfriend! but here you are with a new boyfriend well I bet he feels humilated

TBH I really dont know why i care... I just do. He was once a big part of my life and I loved him very much... I cant just let go that easily even if he can. And yeah.. he did try and get with this girls RIGHT infront of me and failed, so maybe he does feel a little humiliated... though he was being funny with me even before I got my new man (who is actually one of a mutual close group of friends ! ) x

**mickle141** · 30-12-10, 06:17 AM

Hmm, this will probably just carry on... If you see each other every day then I think you both owe it to yourselves to sit down and clear the air. If he's not being cooperative then theres not much you can do. You could tell him his behaviour is making you really unhappy and you'd like to talk about it. Other than that you'll just have to ride it out. He'll get over it eventually or find a girlfriend.

It can't rain all the time

**sweetkissesforu** · 30-12-10, 06:22 AM

The ex has feelings still for u but u should never let any man verbally abuse u as that is in some ways just as bad as physical abuse

**rescueme** · 30-12-10, 06:22 AM

yeah

I have asked him to talk... thats when he really started runnging from and avoiding me... as if hes afriad to :s I know hes not a big one for talking about his feelings, but its just getting silly...
My new bf was thinking about having a quiet word with him man o man, to see how hes feeling - do you think this would help?
x

**mickle141** · 30-12-10, 06:27 AM

Well it can't make the situation any worse. If you're happy for him to do that then I say go for it.

**rescueme** · 30-12-10, 06:28 AM

Hello,
In a way I really hope hes doesnt have feeling for me still- I mean... I thought he wouldnt- he told me he didnt love me anymore, that I dont make him laugh anymore, dont make him excited when he sees me anymore, that I'm too seperate from his friends that "if I was really special he'd actually want to spend time with me" :S I asked him what I could ahve done to be a better gf and he said that I should get rid of my red "canada" fleece because it looks awful with my skinny jeans... I have never felt so huniliated in my life... he couldn't even give me a proper reason for anything... just excuses... my friend thinks that he might have been a commitment phbe and just felt he had to get out... Bah... I dont know. Any opinions?

Thanks a lot for responding people - its nice to finally be able to talk about it with such sensible and wise people

x

**rescueme** · 30-12-10, 06:29 AM

Thank you. I might just do that.

My new bf is very kind and understanding - never has a bad/ cross word for anyone, so I dont think he'd do anything to aggrivate the situation.... plus he is in our close mutual friend group, so hes seen everything happen at first hand.

**mickle141** · 30-12-10, 08:05 PM

Ha - If I was wise, I wouldn't be on here

**rescueme** · 31-12-10, 12:01 AM

you seem wiser than me anyhow

I can't even begin to imagine whats going on in my ex's head lol - so I;m hardly wise at all!

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