18 yr old with a 34 yr old boyfriend

[Wakeup]

i have explained to my boyfriend that i need to maintain my social life and he says that he would allow me to go to some of my usual social events.

Oh boy!

I'm wondering still, Op why he took your virginity if after only 4 weeks and taking your virginity he did this knowing that he would be moving 400 miles away. I wonder why you think you need to try and make a long distance relationship or move to where he is after only 1 MONTH? Please don't think just becuase you lost your virginity to this man that you have to try and accomodate a very bad decision and stay with him no matter what. You don't even have a clue who this man is and how he will treat you in general.

IMO Unless you absolutely insisted, he had no GD business sleeping with a virgin when he knew he was leaving. Pffft. To be honest, I'm a little creeped out for you right now.

[Ric]

I seem to be one of the few not minding a relationship like that. Not everyone tends to like people their own age. I know loads of girls that are only interested in older guys.

However, I will advice against moving in with him. It's a huge step. It's not just moving in, but also moving 4 hours away from everything you know.

[rafterman]

I seem to be one of the few not minding a relationship like that. Not everyone tends to like people their own age. I know loads of girls that are only interested in older guys..

Oh yeah I remember you ...how could I forget?

[18dixiegirl]

I'm wondering still, Op why he took your virginity if after only 4 weeks and taking your virginity he did this knowing that he would be moving 400 miles away. I wonder why you think you need to try and make a long distance relationship or move to where he is after only 1 MONTH? Please don't think just becuase you lost your virginity to this man that you have to try and accomodate a very bad decision and stay with him no matter what. You don't even have a clue who this man is and how he will treat you in general.

IMO Unless you absolutely insisted, he had no GD business sleeping with a virgin when he knew he was leaving. Pffft. To be honest, I'm a little creeped out for you right now.

Ok first off I said we had been dating for a month not that I had only known him for that long.Second I knew he was leaving not long after we started dating and fyi he didnt have much of a choice in his leaving.And he took my virginity after like 3 weeks of us dating because I wanted him to.He didnt push me to do it and when it came right down to it,it was my idea.My losing my virginity to him has nothing to do with me wanting to move or be with him period...I CARE ABOUT HIM and thats why I have been considering moving to be with him

[Ric]

He seems like a good guy, but no matter how long you've known him, the relationship is still fresh. And no matter how mature you are and how much you like him, you're still only 18. You'll throw your whole life around if you decide to move in with him.
You'll have to get a new job (if you want to work), you'll need to go to a new school, build up a new social life, etc. It's not the same risk as moving in with someone that lives close by.
If you're not careful, you'll become dependent on him, and that's not a good "start" for a relationship.

You're better off just going there on the weekends and then build up your relationship and maybe some social life around there before you make the full step. Even not considering the age and the short length of your actual relationship, it's rarely a smart decision to move that fast.



Rafterman, how good for you.

[oldskool83]

not sure totaly what to tell ya here, this is one of them situation that you dont see to often at this age. age gap is fine if you both know what the real deal could be. this is one of the reason i havent done anything with a 18yo girl thats crushing me right now cuz i know the realization, ill be 28 shortly and prefere to keep it as friends only, nothing else. in your case you have to options, you already having feelings for the man you fancy so either you take the weekends to see him hang out and that jazz and use your weekdays to focus on yourself or your job or school...what ever you wanna focus on. could it work, sure it could. if you fele you cant do this then id say take a good week or two and think your situation over after you read all our replys.

im not gonna sit here and tell you its wrong to date a 34 year old guy, he may not look 34, may not act it maybe thats what your attracted to, thats your deal. your of age to make your own choices.

[Kaius]

I somehow question a man's integrity when he pursues a girl so much younger (30s vs teens). You are really a child, except legally you are an adult. When i was 34, i already had two kids, and i would consider any teenager to be just a kid, and definitely outside the realm of sexual content. Your boyfriend may treat you well and have good intentions, but a man in his mid 30s having sex with a teenager is just not right. You two are at different stages in your lives. The differences will be more apparent as time passes. Statistically the chance of this relationship working out is pretty slim, but with long distance in place, the is no chance really. Just enjoy your youth and have fun. Committed relationships are for real adults.... You have plenty of time for that later.

[18dixiegirl]

I somehow question a man's integrity when he pursues a girl so much younger (30s vs teens). You are really a child, except legally you are an adult. When i was 34, i already had two kids, and i would consider any teenager to be just a kid, and definitely outside the realm of sexual content. Your boyfriend may treat you well and have good intentions, but a man in his mid 30s having sex with a teenager is just not right. You two are at different stages in your lives. The differences will be more apparent as time passes. Statistically the chance of this relationship working out is pretty slim, but with long distance in place, the is no chance really. Just enjoy your youth and have fun. Committed relationships are for real adults.... You have plenty of time for that later.

Again I didnt post this so people could judge me or him.I wanted advice!!!The age defference doesnt bother us or either of our families so thats not the issue here.And what exactly is your opinion of a "real adult?"I know men and women alike in their late 20s and 30s that i'd bet wouldnt be what you would consider a "real adult"

[Rabbitt]

Oh boy, first of all i'm not gonna bitch about yada yada, if you love him and you don't regret him taking your viriginity then good for you.

Now the bitching part.
U 2 are different and like other people are saying he's looking for different things in life than you, there's no way you can pursue a healthy relationship with this ''man'' because not because it's not right, but he might very well want kids and a home. and I can tell you that you need to experience more in life before you even get the taste of what he wants.

Just imagine this:

You get a daughter she turns 16 and she comes home with this guy and he introduces himself now he tells you he's 32 years old what's the first thing that goes through your mind?


I'll give you a hint.



WTF

[Wakeup]

Again I didnt post this so people could judge me or him.I wanted advice!!!The age defference doesnt bother us or either of our families so thats not the issue here.And what exactly is your opinion of a "real adult?"I know men and women alike in their late 20s and 30s that i'd bet wouldnt be what you would consider a "real adult"

Look your teenage angst is showing through. You're going to get answers you're not going to like. Most of us here don't think it's a good idea for you to move to where he is and have to be 100% dependent on him. Think logically about this and not with your heart and woohoo. You've dated him for a month well, how did you meet him and how long did you get to know him in real time before you started to date him?

[18dixiegirl]

Look your teenage angst is showing through. You're going to get answers you're not going to like. Most of us here don't think it's a good idea for you to move to where he is and have to be 100% dependent on him. Think logically about this and not with your heart and woohoo. You've dated him for a month well, how did you meet him and how long did you get to know him in real time before you started to date him?

I had known him for about 4 months b4 we started dating.And I didnt say I didnt like the answers I have been getting..They have all been very helpful to me.But nobody here is in any positon to judge me or my boyfriend...if they dont agree with the age thing...fine,that doesnt bother me because the age isnt what im having a problem with.I am thinking logically.Logically speaking I would be giving up the rest of my youth to..more than likely move away and get married and start a family.Im not sure im ready to take that step...WHICH IS WHY I AM HERE!!!Oh yeah and something that I left out is that he had to move bc of his job and he said if I wasnt ready to move that far away that in a few month he would be done with his job there and he would move anywhere I wanted to

[Wakeup]

Okay then how about you do the smart thing and keep the relationship long distance where you to visit him and get TO KNOW HIM because you don't know him very well and he has been on his best behaviour during this honeymoon period. You need to see how you feel about him once you've spent more time and see if you still feel the same way about him after the lust wears off and he does'nt look as shiny and new to you (and you to him).

Then once he can actually "move anywhere you want to" perhaps he can move back to where you are now or, perhaps where your university is so you can finish school without worrying about this relationship and what you should do. Get your education and started out in a good career so you can provide for Yourself if you ever have to do that.

It's only a few months and he can come back and visit you or you can visit him in the meantime. That's my advice and it incorporates you taking your time to get to know the real him. Make sure YOU are always carrying rubbers with you and that he puts one on. Get yourself on birth control before even considering sex without a condom on.

I think actually getting to learn who he is and how he will be treating you is far more important than the age gap at this point.

[surfhb]

It doesn't matter what age you are! You could both be 60 years old for all I care, but moving with someone so soon in a relationship is just plain Thoughtless. Hey! At least you can blame your "stupidity" on your age.

[18dixiegirl]

It doesn't matter what age you are! You could both be 60 years old for all I care, but moving with someone so soon in a relationship is just plain Thoughtless. Hey! At least you can blame your "stupidity" on your age.

If caring about him makes me stupid then hell yeah im stupid and proud of it!!!Nowhere have I said that im moving with him.The reason I am here is to get advice so I can make that decision!!And posts like this one dont help me make that decision.They only show me how opinionated and "stupid" other peoples opinions can be when it comes to someone elses problems.

[Wakeup]

If caring about him makes me stupid then hell yeah im stupid and proud of it!!!Nowhere have I said that im moving with him.The reason I am here is to get advice so I can make that decision!!And posts like this one dont help me make that decision.They only show me how opinionated and "stupid" other peoples opinions can be when it comes to someone elses problems.

You shouldn't disregard what he's saying just because he's not saying it in a way that suits YOU. The truth is that moving to be with someone you don't know is dumb. In fact even thinking about it is dumb. But.. at least you're smart enough to listen to what your gut is trying to tell you and you're hear talking it out.

You should be discussing it with your parents now and see if what they say rings a bell with what you've heard here in your thread.