Need to stop freaking out!

[MissBunny]

Hey All,

A brief run down otherwise I'll be on here ALL night:

Had a bad relationship where I got involved with a guy who was separated with 2 boys (he cheated on his wife), I found out within weeks he was still seeing the girl who was involved in the affair, ended up staying with him for over 2 years (yes more fool me) and all ended in tears - he was engaged behind my back to another woman from the Philippines - I found it all on MySpace. Anyway - that wrecked any trust I had left in men (unfortunately).

Others came and went, nothing serious until I fell in love with my CEO just over 18 months ago, he is also separated - amicably and his wife has moved abroad. Demon's from my past reared their ugly head - all the usual little things and I must say - the guy has been an absolute saint. When I'm serious, he's serious and the most loving, supportive guy you could ever wish to meet. I have a tendency to play mind games - to text/say things for a reaction (or for affect as he so rightly puts it) and this is when he completely shuts down - good in a way because it makes me snap out of it.

We split for 3 months last year when he deceided he couldn't handle the ups and downs and he was soon with someone else whereas I couldn't even look at another man - I was so love sick. Anyway, I kept on and on and on - probably close to harassment and emotional blackmail until eventually we got back together. Things have been a LOT better but I still have the niggling issue of going down his phone, into his laptop and onto websites he's signed to when I get the chance. A few months ago I found texts both to this other woman he was with between us and a woman he used to work with and has had 'relations' with, all texts were pretty flirty and made me feel so damn sick - I confronted him, was straight up about snooping down his phone and we both admitted guilt.

Apart from going behind my back and hurting me - I don't think there was anything sinister in it at all - I think he likes the attention tbh (I'm 28 and he's 46) so he has probably gained a bit of confidence. No excuse I know. Anyway, I put this behind me until I then found emails to and from the woman he was with between us - turns out he promised her son he would help with school work when the time came, he is a man of his word and I know he'd feel bad for letting someone down but at the same time he didn't think about hurting me - his girlfriend. I think it was a case of 'What she doesn't know won't hurt'. These emails were also flirty and suggestive.

We went through ups and downs then had a 'crisis' lunch just under a few months ago now - I made him promise that if this woman contacted him again he would tell her in no uncertain terms to s*d off and leave him alone (from the mails I've read she seems infatuated with him, as am I - Grrr), apparently she has contacted him since and he has told her he doesn't want her contacting him again - I know he feels bad when he's harsh so I'm not completely sure what to think.

(Still with me)?

Anyway - recent thing: He is on a car forum which I read on a daily basis (obsessive I know but that's why I am here) - and it has become apparent that there is one particular woman who likes him, flirts with him etc etc, now you may not be surprised at this revelation - I got into his personal messages. They message every now and then - it seems to be her who initiates this (he's deleted all the messages he's sent so I can only see her replies and try to make sense of the conversations). Recently she is asking for him to ring her when he picks up his new car, go round there and take her for a spin - she's left her number. Terrible thing is she lives 5 mins up the road from him and I live 85 miles away I am waiting to see the latest reply she sends (please get me outta this hole). I sent him a message last night saying 'An old school friend has asked me for a drink - would you mind if I go'? 'Why would I mind'? (he has absolutely no insecurities but does show a LITTLE jealousy here and there) me: 'Because if you were to meet another woman without telling me I'd be seriously pi*sed off and it wouldn't go down very well at all, which is why I'm asking if you're ok with it' Again, another mind game but hoping it puts it in his head not to meet this woman, or at least if he does feels there's nothing wrong with it - then be honest with me if he's going to! But then again I think, even if he does meet her and tells me - this is a woman off the internet for Christ sake, why should I have to be 'ok' with it?!

I think it's all bravado but it seriously hurts. I'd marry the man tomorrow and have his babies, but he doesn't want us living together until things are absolutely spot on - have to give him credit.

When things are right he is the most loving, caring guy ever - although he's doesn't really open up and does put on a big male, hard front, that's him and I've come to realise a lot of guys are like it. He's said when things are good I make him the happiest man in the world.

So, apart from the fact that I'm a complete mental case - what's everyone's thoughts??

Thanks for your time and would appreciate any comments (harsh accepted but nasty not - I'm just a loving girl who's been very hurt and has a few trust issues)

[smackie9]

Go get some professional help and maybe they will prescribe some useful medication for your OCD.

[MissBunny]

Go get some professional help and maybe they will prescribe some useful medication for your OCD.

Thanks - I most definitely do have OCD, but that still doesn't answer whether He's being an assh*ole or I'm badly over-reacting...

[smackie9]

It doesnt matter what I tell you as to why....with your OCD you will not accept any explination anyone gives you. That is why you are in this situation. You kept dating a guy that is a cheater.


Reality check: You cannot expect to be that damn special that he will stop cheating because he is seeing you. It doesnt work that way. He is what he is. Some people are just born that way.

[MissBunny]

It doesnt matter what I tell you as to why....with your OCD you will not accept any explination anyone gives you. That is why you are in this situation. You kept dating a guy that is a cheater.


Reality check: You cannot expect to be that damn special that he will stop cheating because he is seeing you. It doesnt work that way. He is what he is. Some people are just born that way.

This one hasn't cheated - just flirted and that's hard enough.

Thanks for your honesty though - I do need professional help with the OCD.

[smackie9]

OCD is a tough one. It comes in different forms from excessive hording to repeating ritual behaviour. Once you get it under control, you will find you will have more control over the things that happen in your life.