So confused

[MISTY514]

Hello,

Just had a to get advice from people outside my immediate circle. I have been in a relationship with a man for 2 1/2 yrs. During that time we have gone through legal battles almost being homeless, had zero money for months and we scraped by and stood by each other through it all. When we met he was separated from his wife for about 2 yrs at that point, but was in a sort of rebound dating relationship prior to us meeting.
Well after several months we became exclusive and seveal months later was introduced to the ex(wife) and his 3 yr old son. Now through all of this he kept telling me as soon as we have enough money I am filing for divorce, we have spoke on how it makes me feel, and he has expressed he knows that it is not fair to me that he is still legally attached. Now, we have not had any real money to take care of it yet and I asked him if we could start saving the money a little at a time. Well, he said, why do you keep asking I told you my olan and it has noit changed, we just need the extra income to get the ball rolling. My question is Is this man going to procrastinate all the way through this, when will he stop dragging his heels. And I am not about trying to get him to marry me right away. I just want the legal attachment dissolved.

Any advice...esp from someone who has had the same sort of experience.

Thank you

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Yes, he will probably procrastinate all the way through this, if he ever actually does it.

How much does it cost to file for divorce in your state?

[MISTY514]

Hello,

Why would he procrastinate all the way through, they dont have any joint assests anything to divide, he has vistitation. She is dating someone else. It tcosts about 500-1000 for a non contest divorce in NY.
He says he waould like a anollment but from what I understand that is very exspensive and cannot be done if there are children.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Why would he procrastinate all the way through, they dont have any joint assests anything to divide, he has vistitation. She is dating someone else. It tcosts about 500-1000 for a non contest divorce in NY. He says he waould like a anollment but from what I understand that is very exspensive and cannot be done if there are children.

His lack of understanding, shows that he hasn't even seriously looked into filing for divorce. You know more about it than he does.

To answer your question of why would he procrastinate when there's no assets, he has visitation, and shes dating someone else...there's really only one reason, and all of these other details make it that much more obvious. He doesn't want to. It could be because she's the mother of his child, or that he thinks he can still get back with her at some point, or maybe it's just comfortable for him. Whatever the case, he does not want to file. Are you telling me he couldn't save $500 in almost 3 years?? Really?? What does he do for a living?

[MISTY514]

Well, first of all, when we met we did not have alot of money, I was a full time stufent, not working and he was working for a small time consturction job living in a friends apt. We had moved in together about 6 months after we met, he soon thereafter lost his job as the economy was killing the construction trade in 09-10. I was looking for work frantically as he was, just trying to pay rent and eat. by the time we both had full time employment which was for me july 2010 and him oct 2010 we were so debt ridden we were trying to pay that off first. Finally I have just finished paying for my bankruptcy and he the dept of motor vehicles. So those huge debts left us with basically nothing left. We live in Manhattan so the cost of living is quite high so as of right now we are just making the bills etc. His work is not steady all the time so it is hard to budget and save when there could be no work for a couple weeks at a time. He is taking a test for a new position in August a union job that is steady and pays well, so the threat of not working steady will soon be a thing of the past.
We have been supportive of each other throughit all, there is no reconcilation for him and the ex, we all get along, our relationship is no secret and me and the ex are on good terms. Ive been introduced to the his parents, been on vacation to their home etc.. his son asks me all the time when we are getting married lol. But really this is not a race to get him down the isle, this is to end the legal ties, thats it.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Well fu(k, from this it doesn't sound like he's procrastinating, so much as he is just broke. You just gave me like 6 reasons why he can't physically start the process. Let him get some steady work, and if he starts blowing his extra money at that time, then leave him, or threaten to leave him.

[MISTY514]

Wanted some outside advice is all, if he starts blowing extra money on nonsense dont you worry heads will roll,lol Always believe in giving someone the benefit of the doubt, we have had alot of shit thrown our way, climbing out of the hole is alot more difficukt then the diggin of one...ugh...but I believe true love is what make anything possible

Thank you for your thoughts and wisdom!

[TeeJay19]

Yeah, sounds to me like he wouold just rather spend his money on food and shelter than spend up to $1000 to dissolve a marriage just so he can say he's not legally married any more. The law may say he's married, but he's not. Given your financial situation there are more important things you need to worry about than divorce. I wouldn't worry about it.

[Jason278]

Thank you for your thoughts and wisdom

[MISTY514]

Thank you both for that..I feel better