Best friend is creating drift between me and my fiance

[mysteriouseyes]

Hi All
We met each other about 1.5 years ago and became best friends. Later we started going out and finally he proposed me for marriage a month back. When we were classmates we had a group of 4 another boy and girl with us. All of us are very close and we share our problems with each other. Now after studies we all got jobs and busy in work. Even then we meet on weekends.
The problem is with the second girl in the group as she is showing way too much interest in spending time with my fiancée. Many events happened and this made me to think about it and made me upset as well. Initially I thought it was just a confusion on my end. But things does not look same.

Me and my fiancée live in same house. Every time when she calls us is on his number and whenever she have to make plans she texts him and ask. I tried talking about it to my fiancé, he told may be she is more comfortable talking to him than me and she is more close to him. Ok I understand this. I work in daytime and boyfriend gets variable shifts for work so all we get is two weekend days. Even then she wants to make “plan” to visit at our place and spend time with us. Because we all drink together, if we drink on Saturday full day Sunday is already messed up in hangover. And weekend is over. Since I work early on Monday, I have to sleep early and if she is there on Sunday, she will not leave even if I go to sleep and will sit and chat with my fiancée late after midnight.

Last week on Friday she messaged me (my fiancé was at work), to plan something. My fiancé was working on Saturday and I was at home. So I told her ok lets plan something. At same time she was chatting with my fiancé and he told her that he wont be at home. By that time she already planned to come over to our place. But within 15 minutes she texted back. I am having bodyache because I am getting period today ot tomorrow I am not sure if I can make it. I wondered how all of sudden she made plan and now felt within 15 minutes about her bodyache. Well I said OK. In 10 mins I got another text from her saying ”abc(MY FIANCE’S NAME) working tomorrow. How about plan something on Sunday”. This made me really pissed off because I wanted to spend that day alone with my boyfriend. Since I did not know that what chat she had with my fiancé (as she already asked him when he is working) and I thought she made a plan, I said ok. On Sunday I thought of going out for lunch with fiancé and then for a walk. On way back home we thought to stop at Chinese restaurant for dinner and texted her to meet us there. She replied she wanted to go to pub. (that was expensive option). So we cancelled program and sat at home. Spent full Sunday with her and she left at 11:30 PM.

Now this is not the only incident happened. This is 6th or 7th time same thing is happening. She asks texts him and find out when he is not working. Then makes plan. Whenever she comes to know that I will be alone at home, she cancels her plan right away and plan only when my fiancé is at home. It is ok that she is friend for both of us, but I think this is going over limits. Even my fiancé loves me a lot and understands me , he notices that she avoids meeting me. What he will be thinking about my behavior or nature. Plus this thing is causing drift between me and him as I am thinking about this thing so much. Whenever he gives compliment to her, she looks at me and gives a cunning smile. She always supports his thoughts whenever we both are talking and becomes defensive (I try to stay quiet in those matters because she shows my fiancé that she is taking his side). If she wants to go for shopping she would find a time when I am in office and my fiancé is free at home. (I don’t know if I am thinking too much)..but honestly I am very upset and afraid for things happening around me.

Above all my fiancé thinks she is very nice girl who visits us and call us every week because she cares about us. He feels she calls him because he more close to her and she understands him better. Now please correct me here if I am wrong. I might be thinking way too much about it or may be I am insecure. If that is the case I want you guys to help me out. If this is not the case, what I should do. I need some sincere thoughts over this situation.

One more thing I forgot to tell. My fiance understood that I was upset over cancelling my plans for weekend. So he said next time whenever she is calling her to plan something he is going to tell her to talk to me instead of him. Even for last week's incident he showed me his chat. She was asking him to plan something and he told her to talk to me. The only thing that happened here was he missed to communicate it to me that if i want i can cancel plan. At same time i was in misunderstanding that since she already talked to him, she had made a plan.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Start distancing yourself from her. Next time she asks to make plans, tell her the two of you are spending the weekend alone. Don't offer an explanation of what you are doing, just leave it at that.

[Starnique]

This whole situation sounds ridiculous to me. How are you allowing her to dictate what you all do over the weekend?^^^^^Do what Backup suggested but if she tries to question it, I would say Excuse you, we are not going there and furthermore you're not invited and he's not going anywhere with you. You're shady and I dont like you. After saying that ONE time then I would have just stop hanging with her all together. Simple as that. I think she likes him and thats a problem. He said she understand him better? Yeah okay, frienship over, I don't like her, I do not trust her, her or me. Done deal. Simple as that.

[HeartIsAching]

She's not your friend, she's your competition.

[mysteriouseyes]

This thing is very much clear that she is into him. I already decided to say no to her future plans. But problem is that my fiance thinks she is a very nice girl. I tried him telling few times that she tried me backbite(saying bad things behind someone's back) against him and one time she told me leave him. I exactly do not understand how to handle situation. If all of a sudden i am going to tell my fiance that we are not hanging out with her then it might create difference between me and him. He will think that i am becoming over possessive or over protecting. But for sure I am going to distance us from her.

[smackie9]

The girl is just lonely. You want to solve this, try finding her a BF. Next time when you guys plan to hang out, invite a nice single guy from work, or through other friends. Don't tell her Mr.Eligible will be attending cocktail hour with you, so she doesn't have a chance to back out....maybe invite a few single dudes to your next swaray. I'm sure your fiance will be on board with this.

[mysteriouseyes]

It wont be as easy. I tried it before she is jus not taking interest in other boys and end up flirting with my boy

[smackie9]

Gotta try to find one that's better lookin that's all. As for your fiance, he has to learn to walk away from her advances.

[mysteriouseyes]

Hmm I ll try my best.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

It is not your responsibility to find a suitable partner for her. Cut her out of your life completely. Tell your fiance that you're done with her henceforth, and if he is not, then he will not be your husband. I don't think it needs to be stated like that at first, but if he doesn't agree with removing her from your lives, then you should let him know you will not be marrying him.

[Starnique]

It wont be as easy. I tried it before she is jus not taking interest in other boys and end up flirting with my boy

No Honey. Its not your problem that she's lonely which I seriously doubt because if that were the case when you offered to hang out with just you and her she wouldn've gave you some lame excuse as to why she couldn't. Thats why its better to confront a situation before it goes to far. I'm not trying to be funny but a lot of guys always think that the girl is trying to be nice but we as women know better. At least some of us do. No I wouldnt waste my precious time finding her someone. It would be diff if she was genuinely lonely and just always around then yeah, sure but her motives are shady and I wouldnt try to find her someone just so she can stay out of his face. That's crazy talk. That doesnt even sound right. Just distant yourself. But still say to her what I told you to because she seems like the type of chick that will not back off as easy. Not like a stalker but like try to play the dumb role, like why? You all are my friends. But its really simple. Stay away from her thats all.

[smackie9]

I agree with the above, but it's always worth trying the less evasive way first. It would be worth it to just say no to her, and to tell her she needs to get a hobby.

[smackie9]

So he said next time whenever she is calling her to plan something he is going to tell her to talk to me instead of him.

This here is him passing the buck and making you the bad guy in all this. This is an easy out for him, and for her, so nothing is going to change. If he is going to be your husband, he needs to work with you on this, because marriage is a partnership...none of this "oh you need to speak to my wife." and then drop it on your lap to deal with. Your fiance is being a pussy.

[Starnique]

I see what you're saying and You're being nice which is always fine. However, I think OP is being a good friend to her so this girl is the one being evasive. If we friends I'm always very nice but if she having bad intentions (like suggesting the Op leave him) is not nice of her so at times like this, I personally wouldnt be so nice about it. He wouldnt be nice about it if was the other way around. Anyway, Good luck.

[mysteriouseyes]

Starnique I agree with you about she is not going to back off easily. The reason behind this is that she know that we all are good friends and my fiance trust her a lot. She helped him in studying and he never thinks of her being mean to her. Whenever I am not around them she tries to tell him that I am immature and childish and no guy will not stay with me for long time. However my fiance told her i have improved myself a lot in last 1 year (I admit that i was very emotional and impractical person..but i tried to make my thinking more rational and my fiance appreciate that). When my fiance told her that i sketch nicely she was like oh yea even i am going to start painting soon. It looks very childish and sound stupid but in reality I am facing this situation.
I want to handle it without being bad or wrong in front of my fiance eyes. By no way i want him to think that i am doing this because i am jealous or possessive.