Ignored by girl without warning or reason

[Jeff3289]

Long story short:

I’ve been interested in a girl I had befriend in school for about a year. After becoming friends in class, I waited things out for months with her, as she had a boyfriend up until May. Later on, in early June, this girl told me we should get drinks together after having not seen or spoken to each other for about a month.

The two of us went out, with a friend of hers in tow, for a casual night of hanging out at two bars close to her house. We talked, I made her laugh plenty, there was some back and forth flirting, and she even asked if I was single after she and her friend were talking about her now being single. I figured this was all well and good. At the end of the night I told her we ought to hang out again sometime soon, and she agreed.

Two days later, she texts me saying she’s “unexpectedly free” and asked if I wanted to hang out with her. I said yes, of course, picked her up at her house, and the two of us had dinner and some drinks at a local restaurant/bar. After talking about just about everything imaginable, joking around and flirting a bit for five hours, I dropped her off at her home. She told me she had fun and enjoyed our talking about “everything”. I didn’t feel like I was getting the signal for a kiss though, and I perhaps foolishly didn’t go for it. Still, a great night.

A week later she came over to my place to hang out and watch Netflix for a couple hours. Unfortunately, that wound up involving eating dinner with my folks. Living at home soon after college wasn’t an off putting thing for her, since she was in the same boat. She had dinner with us – something I wanted to avoid, since meeting the parents and eating dinner with them is a bit relationship-y – and seemed totally fine with it. Afterwards we returned to watching Netflix and talking. While her conversation was totally fine and open, her body language suggested she was at least slightly uncomfortable. We were sitting on a two person couch, and she was kind of at the very far end, not facing me when we were talking. Still, our conversation was light, not awkward, and fun.

After she had to leave, I told her we should hang out again later that week, assuming things were moving along fairly well and she would be alright with that. She told me she had “work things to do” and would have to check her schedule, which seemed fine enough. Later that week I called, and though I was a bit nervous with the call, she agreed to grab a drink with me that week. The day we were supposed to go out I called and left a sort of goofy voicemail based on a conversation we had asking if we were still on for that night. She texted back two hours later saying she was pretty certain she either had or was about to come down with strep throat, so she was just going to stay in that night. I told her that was fine, and a few days later told her we should get together once she was feeling better. After getting no response, I figured it was because she was sick. After getting no response from another text one week later, I got a bit worried, and left her a Facebook message asking her if she had gotten my most recent text – she had a history with breaking her phones and being forgetful with texts, so I figured Facebook was a good bet. Soon after, I got the tag “message seen”, yet no response again.

Obviously, I get the feeling I’m being ignored here, yet there’s no really good reason for it. We’ve gotten along well, I’ve proven myself not to be a creep in our one-on-one time together, and she sent off plenty of signals that she was interested. I can’t imagine why she’s now ignoring me altogether. Maybe I came on too strong? Or not strong enough? Maybe I should have avoided bringing her to my place so soon with my parents around? Maybe one of my calls for our fourth time out creeped her out?

What are your thoughts, people? I’d love some advice so I can figure out where to go from here.

[anonymous_a]

It seems as though she is not ready for a relationship, or she's just not that into you. Instead if continuing to hang out with you "as friends" and leading you on, like most girls would do, she's doing the right thing and stopping. If you're that concerned you should send her a message and ask her what's going on? You sense she's ignoring you, and you'd like an explanation.

[surfhb2]

It happens to everyone. Just move on since, for whatever reason, she has decided she's not into you.

It doesnt matter what the reason was and Thinking about it will drive you crazy

[Jeff3289]

She very well might not be ready for a relationship - she did just get out of a 2.5 year relationship in May. Or she might not be that into me after all. Straight up ignoring me is far more hurtful than being honest and telling me what's actually on her mind, though. If she doesn't want to lead me on than I'd much rather she tell me so rather than keep me guessing as to why she's disappeared. I'm leaning towards asking her why we're suddenly not talking. Maybe I've upset her somehow? Maybe she wasn't comfortable with the way things were going? I just want an honest explanation. That shouldn't come across as desperate, and it isn't.

[anonymous_a]

She very well might not be ready for a relationship - she did just get out of a 2.5 year relationship in May. Or she might not be that into me after all. Straight up ignoring me is far more hurtful than being honest and telling me what's actually on her mind, though. If she doesn't want to lead me on than I'd much rather she tell me so rather than keep me guessing as to why she's disappeared. I'm leaning towards asking her why we're suddenly not talking. Maybe I've upset her somehow? Maybe she wasn't comfortable with the way things were going? I just want an honest explanation. That shouldn't come across as desperate, and it isn't.

I don't think it would come off as desperate. You deserve an explanation. I'd flat out ask what the hell is going on. And relay the msg cause I'm curious lol.

[surfhb2]

She very well might not be ready for a relationship - she did just get out of a 2.5 year relationship in May. Or she might not be that into me after all. Straight up ignoring me is far more hurtful than being honest and telling me what's actually on her mind, though. If she doesn't want to lead me on than I'd much rather she tell me so rather than keep me guessing as to why she's disappeared. I'm leaning towards asking her why we're suddenly not talking. Maybe I've upset her somehow? Maybe she wasn't comfortable with the way things were going? I just want an honest explanation. That shouldn't come across as desperate, and it isn't.

Why? The girl owes you nothing. The point is shes not going to go out with you again and this will do more harm then good. You need to be more self assured with the fact is that its her loss....that dumb bitch doesnt realize that she missed out. Get it?

Plus most girls think it makes them look like a bitch for turning a guy down directly....or some illogical woman thing like that? Just move on and find a girl who actually likes you

[Jeff3289]

More people (both on this forum and my friends) have pushed for seeking an explanation rather than giving up and walking away from the situation, so that's what I'm going to do. Sorry, surfhb2... It might do more harm than good, but doing nothing is guaranteed not to do any good, so why not put myself out there one last time, right? I'll give her another day then ask some questions. If I don't get an answer, then that's it, I'll move on. I've been after this girl for too long to just give up without more of a fight. Plus, we were friends last I checked. If she were some chick I met at a bar and went out with a few times I wouldn't be so hung up, but I have at least some history with this girl and I need to at least try to get an explanation. Stay tuned for more... haha

[michelle23]

Maybe you waited too long to ask her out..

[surfhb2]

More people (both on this forum and my friends) have pushed for seeking an explanation rather than giving up and walking away from the situation, so that's what I'm going to do. Sorry, surfhb2... It might do more harm than good, but doing nothing is guaranteed not to do any good, so why not put myself out there one last time, right? I'll give her another day then ask some questions. If I don't get an answer, then that's it, I'll move on. I've been after this girl for too long to just give up without more of a fight. Plus, we were friends last I checked. If she were some chick I met at a bar and went out with a few times I wouldn't be so hung up, but I have at least some history with this girl and I need to at least try to get an explanation. Stay tuned for more... haha

You already asked her twice already with no response....I think the message/explanation is clear.

At least wait a week or so.

[smackie9]

Ya no response means "not interested". Why? It could be a number of things....you probably were friend zoned and she saw you wanted things to go in a different direction. Lots of guys are put in the friends zone without even knowing it.

Pressing her will only get you a lame excuse anyways so don't bother.

[smackie9]

BTW girls dont like confrontation....they would rather flake. Done it myself.....when I was 18 I was at a tattoo shop with my friend. While she was getting her tat a biker invited me out for a ride to kill some time. Stupidly I gave him my number. He phoned me a couple of times but I gave him stupid excuses. The reason why I flaked? I changed my mind about him, simple as that.

[Jeff3289]

Funny story: I decided to wait a week before sending off some message asking what this girl's deal was and why I hadn't heard back from her on the off-chance that she really did have some good reason to go so long without communicating with me. Turns out she did; she actually was pretty sick and was essentially bed-ridden with mono for about two weeks. She told me a few weeks back she was pretty sure she was coming down with something nasty and she was. IMAGINE THAT. I was literally just about to send off a very much toned down message asking if she was alright and saying I would love to hear back from her when I got the message, too. Needless to say, I felt foolish, stupid, and kind of like an ass. I would have felt like a huge ass if I had accused her of ignoring me while she had actually been incredibly sick (and had managed to destroy her phone while sick). I guess not sending off an accusatory, confrontational message about her not speaking to me was actually a horrible, horrible idea...

[smackie9]

I've had mono....you are not that sick to not be able to text a message.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You don't get a signal for a kiss. You just do it. Sounds like you missed your window.

Too much netflix, not enough dick.

[Jeff3289]

I've had mono....you are not that sick to not be able to text a message.

You weren't, maybe she was - that doesn't really matter anymore. We're talking again so I've still got some semblance of a shot.