5 years together, 2 living together, and no passion.

[lizardwings1]

Hello! So basically I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We have lived together for two and are in our 20s. For the past year or so the passion in the relationship has just stopped. He never wants to have sex, and when we do (not to be mean, just honest) it's not GOOD and does not make me feel passion at all. We do it once a month on average. I have tried everything - initiating, lingerie, talking about it, not talking about it, etc etc you name it and I've tried it. He just says he's not that sexual of a person and doesn't "know whats wrong". A lot of the time when we do have sex I feel like he's just doing it to make me happy... not because he has desire for me.

Lately I've been fantasizing about other people (I would never act on it) and I just am craving passionate interaction. I am 25 and feel like I should be having the best sex of my life.

But here is what I am wondering - does this ultimately happen in all relationships? I have this perfect idea of what I want a relationship to be like but I don't know if it is even obtainable or if I am just chasing after a fairytale. What if I end this relationship with a great guy only to end up in the same place in my next one?

Apart from the intimacy issues, the relationship is has a few other problems. I don't even want to write the word "problems" though, it's hard to explain. He is a WONDERFUL guy and is in no way a bad boyfriend or a jerk or anything. I think I am just more of a giver of love and affection and he just assumes that him just being with me should be enough to ensure his feelings, etc. He is not romantic and I crave romance. BUT I LOVE HIM. the thought of not being with him kills me. I don't want anyone else. I am in love with someone who doesn't love me the way I WANT to be loved.

But is it foolish of me to think that there is someone out there who I could possible love as much as him who would love me exactly the way I want? I am so afraid that I will ruin this relationship and it will be the wrong decision.

I have talked to him about this before. Nothing really changes. I might suggest taking a "break". I keep going back and forth between deciding to tell him I want a break and wondering if I just have too high expectations for any man and that I am the one who needs to change.

[Boisdevie]

It really is simple. Your needs are not being met in this relationship. Will they be met in another relationship - impossible to say BUT chances are yes I would say and as you're only 25 you have plenty of time to find somebody who fulfills your needs. If you like, give him one last chance. Tell him exactly what you want and let him know quite clearly that if things don't change then it's over. Ultimately your happiness is in your own hands. Yes, breakups are not fun but then staying in a relationship that isn't giving you what you want isn't fun either.

[pcmaster]

Buy him some educating book so he can learn. Thats what my friends GF did from the begginging since dude was virgin.

Anyway the guy you described sounds like calm, balanced guy. Like someone reliable and without unexpected surprises. Most girls go for guys this type.

So the problem is hes predictable in bed. Maybe you should teach him or even command him to fulfil your needs when it comes to bed.

Guys who are amazing in bed ussualy is not a good boyfriends.

Make sure hes not watching porn or anything and try new poses.

[TablesandChairs]

I hate to use the word 'normal' because everyone is different...but he's a guy in his mid 20's and he should be wanting to have sex more than one a month. Does he still get morning erections? If so, then the issue is more likely mental, not physical. Is he overly into porn? That could be one reason. He should take some initiative in fixing the issue, clearly you don't want to be in a sexless relationship at 25 and if it's once a month now, it might get down to once a year by the time he's 30.

[basilandthyme]

TablesandChairs has a point. Is it possible he's whacking off to porn and has nothing left for you?

[Boisdevie]

TablesandChairs has a point. Is it possible he's whacking off to porn and has nothing left for you?

If that's true - and we're making assumptions here based on no evidence - then why would he prefer whacking off the porn compared to the real deal? That in itself isn't exactly good is it?
Jeez, they're in their 20s - they should be at it like rabbits.