My wife betrays me with another man – How can I unmask her

[kurt]

I have been married for 4 years now. Me and my wife we shared a wounderfull live full of love.. However for 2-3 month the situation has changed. I feel and I am absolutely sure that.she is betraying me with another man. I spoke to her about it but she denies all the time. I am not a jealous guy by far. I experienced good relationships before and never had a problem with jealousy.
So be sure its serious and I must clearify this matter fast.
My question: Is there anyone who has a good idea how I could get facts. How could I provoke a mistake that she unmasks herself.

[whaywardj]

Look at it this way:

If she is and doesn't want to tell you, pressing her on the matter only gives her more justification for doing it.

If she is and you trick her into revealing it when she doesn't want to, she'll feel manipulated and have further justification for having done it.

If she ISN'T and you continue pressing her on the matter, you'll only give her another reason to want to and then she might.

You've already told her of your suspicion. Now let it go. If she is, she's made up her mind to and there's nothing you can do to stop her. Only her own conscience can do that. Any maneuvers to "unmasked" her only serve to gratify your own ego by giving you the chance to say, "Aha! Caught ya!" while causing her to feel even more stressed than she, surely, already does. If she isn't, pestering her about it can only stress her to the point of wanting to.

As for feeling betrayed, since you, apparently, have no evidence of an affair but only your instinct to go by, suck it up. Until you do have confirmation of your suspicion, that sense of betrayal belongs to you alone and is for you alone to deal with. (BTW, A large part of what might be driving you to unmask something which may not be happening at all could be an effort on your part to justify that sense existing.) If it comes to pass she is having an affair, people make mistakes. Look at it as an opportunity to explore the limits of your capacity to forgive.

Meanwhile, if she is, take a little solace in knowing that her knowing you know is really ****ing with her being able to enjoy it as much as she otherwise might.

[Lloyd95]

Start your own affair?

[Lloyd95]

PS-I disagree with Whayward; don't sit back and do nothing; it's only fair that you try and find out the truth.

[shh!]

But what if he is wrong, Lloyd? His wife will probably kick him to the curb.

[TAVS]

But what if he's right? Nobody wants to stay in a relationship where the other person is cheating on you.

[Junsui]

Yeah, I wouldn't want to stay in a relationship where the other person is unfaithful.

[Lloyd95]

Hire a private detective. She doesn't have to know.

[shh!]

Whoa, you guys scare me sometimes. Anyway, you don't think she'd notice the missing money? Those private detectives aren't free.


I agree with Hayward.

[TAVS]

What man goes through a relationship and doesn't have a little 'side' money for 'special needs'?

[Junsui]

I don't know about a private detective, but I would try to find out what's going on without asking her continuously.


He can't do anything about her decision to cheat, but he doesn't have to stay with her if she is. I would be worried about STD's and if she were to become pregnant by some other man.

[Lloyd95]

What man goes through a relationship and doesn't have a little 'side' money for 'special needs'?

Nice! I never thought you'd say something like that!

I take back all the hillbilly jokes...well, not really.

[Tone]

I liked Hayward's post. And I agree with it.

Especially since he has absolutely no proof of this, at least none he offered in his short paragraph. To me, it seems like he just may be a little insecure and just has this "feeling" she's cheating? I mean why do you have this feeling? Is she gettin up and leavin in the middle of the night? Does she hang out with Tom from the office after work hours a lot? What's the deal?

Until you can offer some more evidence, I'm agreeing with Hayward.

[Junsui]

Yeah, I would like to know why you think she's cheating as well.

[Bluevetteracer]

Wayward is right, back off.

Not that you have to forget about what you are feeling, but asking her about it, is not the right way.

You have to play possum sometimes.

I spent a small amount of time studying interrogation, and Intel, all pilots do, so we can thwart off our captors attempts.

#1 - The truth is never far behind a Lie. - People do not lie by nature, it goes against there nature. So, when being un-truthful, they auto-justify it by just re-arranging the truth, or omission, or just purely be denial.

#2 - Remembering lies is hard, you almost have to have a double life, people who are not trained for this, will screw it up, the worlds will collide, and they will slip. To maintain a double life, you must admit you are doing it (to yourself), and take care to foster both of them.

#3 - One lie does not happen. If you lie, you must have an entire story to go with it, and explain it, and justify it. So, you must have a story, and it had better be plausible. This leads to more lies.

As the great George Curstanza says, "It is not a lie, if you believe it"

How the Mil deals and preps us is classified.

BUT, for you, I would play possum, back off, and let her take her guard down. If you are convinced, hire a P.I. You will need the evidence for the Divorce to go your way, could be grounds for her not receiving alimony.

Quick Story.

I found out a GF was cheating, I had a buddy do some recon. Then out one night he pointed the guy out. I went over, and bought him a beer. We talked and he was confident she was single. I told him that I was done with her, and I would quietly move out of the way if he was interested. He said, no way, she was unfaithful with you, she will be with me. SO, we had some fun with it. I took my GF out for dinner, and he rounded up a date. During dinner, he walked by and I stood up, gave him a hug, and said, "How have you been old buddy, Join us for dinner"! Talk about UNCOMFORTABLE for her.

After dinner, we confronted her, in good women fashion; she just turned and walked away.