What should i do??

[stamati]

I met a girl from work nearly one year ago. It seemed perfect. We had so much in common and we got on really well. I was invited into her house and quickly created a really good relationship with all her family, except for one protective brother. But that was cool. Her Mum phones me almost everyday. Anyway what i didn't know was that she had split up with her ex about a year before she met me but had been having a bittersweet relationship with him since meeting me. He is a dj and quite well known in his circuit of music. So it's quite hard for her to not to hear about him in some form or other. Plus he calls her every week or two, even when we were going out. I think she had had enough of this on and off relationship but at the same time was and still is very hurt from the rejection from him as a full time boyfriend. So she met me and was really happy. She told all her family and friends. However this bloke kept on calling her and it got to the point after being with each other for 2 months that she split up with me because he was saying how much he still loves her and basically trying it on. We at the time were arguing about him because i was obviously fustrated and jealous. The arguments weren't bad but enough for her to think that her feelings were stronger for this other guy. However i never knew that they had actually got back together. We remained in contact and i sent her flowers and gifts. Until i had had enough with all the pressuire from my relationship and my job. So i changed my number because her mum would call me everyday and try and get us back together. I also took 5 weeks off work because i was so ill from all the stress of my job and my relationship. Anyway 2 months went buy and we got back together. Everything was wicked we got on so well for about 2/3 months until i asked her what had happened and why we split up. She explained and after i asked her she told me she had slept with him. I was really upset and stormed off. She went round my house and told my mother everything. Saying how much she loved me and it was a mistake. She took time off work because she was so upset because i told her it was over and she said how much she loved me. I believed her and went back but i felt we rushed into the relationship. I was living with her at her mums house and i think i needed time on my own to think about stuff. I couldn't forget what she had done and felt that our relationship was ruined. I kept on at her about what happened, for about 3 weeks. I quickly noticed that she was getting distant and we were not very intimate with one another. We split up after about 3 weeks of bickering and she tells me she's confused again!! Meaning she has feelings for her ex. Did i push her to it?? She went back to him and i know they slept with each other but he has told her that he doesn't want to go back out with her as a full time boyfriend.
I really love her so much. I have been in a several long term relationships but never felt like this before. I'm absolutely devastated. But i also think that this relationship is doomed. Can it ever be put right. I don't know what to do. I want to remain friends with her and see what happens but everyday is a fight because i feel lost. I can't believe i feel like this!!! I don't know what to do...

[aloha22]

I agree with you, man. This relationship seems doomed from what you've said. If you cause each other this much emotional stress every month, neither of you will ever be able to go back to work.

As for you pushing her to go back to her ex, I'm not so sure. It looks to me like she was never completely over him when she started a relationship with you. This will take a long time for you both to heal, if it ever in fact happens. Good luck.

[Junket]

Okay dude.

Paragraph spacing.

Use it.

And the shorter, the sweeter.

Looks like the only thing you can do is move on.

[rcia]

You ask, "if you pushed her to this?" We don't make people do anything. Everyone has a choice. Did you also push her to lie? I know it hurts right now but I think you are on the right path. First you have to be honest with yourself about the person you are involved with and the kind of relationship you are in. The truth doesn't cease to exist just because you don't want it to. See the facts, be honest and ask yourself if this kind of relationship you've always wanted for yourself. A relationship where there is dishonesty, lying, cheating?
Telling yourself the truth is key to beginning to make good, solid decisions about which direction "you" take your life. Relationships are based on honesty, trust and a common denominator: wanting to have a good, healthy relationship. If you both aren't wanting and working toward the same goal. You are on the wrong team. Secondly, you have to make a decision. Decide what kind of relationship you really want for your life. If this isn't it, say good-bye, let some time go by, stay busy and in time, down-the-road if you still want to be friends, you can be friends then. If you try to be friends now, you will only prolong your agony, you won't move on with your life and you will waste a lot more of your precious time trying to make a weak relationship work. I know you are struggling now, but trust me, if you give yourself time, in time you will find the kind of sweet, solid, fun relationship that you want. As far as I can see the writing is on the wall. Believe me when I tell you: you may feel like you can't get over her but there really is life after what's-her-name. And if you give yourself the chance, believe in yourself, make a decision about what "you" want, it will be a better life. Cut your loss and move on, in time you will be glad you did! Best of luck!!