So Confused

[Cipher]

I am so confused my Girlfriend who i have been dating for 7 years this easter and liveing together for the past 3 years just laid a bombshell on me and i am totaly blown away. She came home on saturday and we had a pretty heated arguement and she told me that she thought that we needed to seperate for a while because she is unhappy. i told her that i did not see how seperation could fix problems it just prolongs them. i just dont know what to do i was all ready to ask her to marry me when the time was right before i leave for the military but now im just confused. i dont see how some one can say they love you then say they need to be seperated from you to see if they are happy. I am so Totaly Blown away by this. she said that i dont try hard enough and that she has not been happy for a long time. but she cannot tell me why she is unhappy with me.

[TAVS]

Tell her you really want to make it work and you're willing to work towards improving things with the two of you but if she wont tell you what's wrong; there's nothing you can do. Agree to a separation and put the ball in her court. Of course cross your fingers while you wait. What do the other Oracle members think?

BTW, I have a GF.

[Tone]

Well if you're having problems, constantly being around each other isn't going to help. The more you're around someone the more you start to notice their annoying behavior, and the less patience you have with them.

Which is why space is a GOOD THING in a relationship. I don't think this is as bad as you think. She didn't say she wants to split up, just she wants some space, which can only serve you both good. You have to give her time to miss you, otherwise your problems will just escalate to the point she no longer wants anything to do with you. So you have things mixed up - seperating CAN help you guys - whereas if you just stay on the present course your problems won't go anywhere.

Now it is possible that after SEVEN years of being together she finds she likes being without you, but that's just something you HAVE TO DEAL WITH. Because *IF* that does happen - it means you aren't meant to be together in the first place. You know that saying "If you love something let it go if it doesn't come back it wasn't meant to be" or something?? It's true! You have to let her go, find a new hobby, anything to keep you busy while on this little break. Train your mind up to start to prepare to move on, incase she doesn't come back. I know it probably kills you to think of it - but it is YOUR REALITY - you have to face the possibility and prepare yourself so you're not a horrible mess when it does happen.

Good luck. And remember by giving her space it means GIVE HER HER SPACE - don't call every night just to say "hi" - it means you don't contact her until she contacts you.

[jmoney715]

whoa, sounds like what i just went through. anyway, do you think she has found someone else that can give her what she needs? its possible. another person usually has a very big impact on ones decisions. Talk to her and ask her straight up if there is another person. But regardless, women make up their mind way before they decide to tell us which is why its always a big shock to us.

[TAVS]

But regardless, women make up their mind way before they decide to tell us which is why its always a big shock to us.

Aint that the *****?

[vashti]

Maybe she has decided after 7 years/living together for 3 that for you, the time will never "be right". That's what I'd be thinking.

Anyway, I don't know that there is a lot you can do unless you can get her talking.

[artyemi]

I agree with vashti.

Find out what's going on with her wihtout making her feel bad for you.

[*august*]

Originally Posted by jmoney715
But regardless, women make up their mind way before they decide to tell us which is why its always a big shock to us

Aint that the *****?

Hey!!! guys do it too!

[vashti]

Not really...

[clynn]

Originally Posted by jmoney715
But regardless, women make up their mind way before they decide to tell us which is why its always a big shock to us

Hey!!! guys do it too!

Guys totally do this too.

I think Vashti has a really good point.

With us girls, you kinda gotta strike when the iron is hot. If she's been waiting for you to propose for all these years, she's probably pretty much figured that you've decided not too. And, now that you are ready and want to, her desire may have waned. She may be thinking, well, if he didn't want to do it deeply and passionately and he had to think so hard about it for so long....then did he really ever want to?

The timing may be wrong in this situation.

[carpflounder]

One thing I have learned from being in relationships is that there are no guarantees . This is probably why you are confused; you have been together for 7 years, therefore you *expect* and take for granted that regardless of the waves you two should be together. Right?

Afraid not.

She is being selfish. Thinking about herself. Putting herself (her happiness) first. Now, that may or may not be unfair to you, so accept it and don't expect her to behave rationally. Personally, I would just tell her

**** YOU!!

Then I would leave, and not talk to her again. If she begged me, after she had some space, I would deny her.

Best of Luck.

[jmoney715]

One thing I have learned from being in relationships is that there are no guarantees . This is probably why you are confused; you have been together for 7 years, therefore you *expect* and take for granted that regardless of the waves you two should be together. Right?

Afraid not.

She is being selfish. Thinking about herself. Putting herself (her happiness) first. Now, that may or may not be unfair to you, so accept it and don't expect her to behave rationally. Personally, I would just tell her

**** YOU!!

Then I would leave, and not talk to her again. If she begged me, after she had some space, I would deny her.

Best of Luck.

if only everyone could think like you. shit, i wish i did. i hold on to too many emotional crap. which ****s me over afterwards.

[Rosebud]

I agree I think the factor that you have waited so long about marriage could be a big part of this. And yes, if you can't get her to talk and tell you what the real problem is, you will never know, and will never be able to truly understand why you guys split. But then again if she wants to seperate for awhile and take some time and you try to keep talking to her that will only push her away further.

[Cipher]

I agree I think the factor that you have waited so long about marriage could be a big part of this. And yes, if you can't get her to talk and tell you what the real problem is, you will never know, and will never be able to truly understand why you guys split. But then again if she wants to seperate for awhile and take some time and you try to keep talking to her that will only push her away further.

actualy we talked about marriage a while before this and we both agreed to finnish school and get our lives on track before we decided to do this step. but i believe it is truly over she had agreed to try to work things out and then when i was gone to work moved all of her shit out. i don think i could ever trust anyone who could hurt me in this manor. it pains me so bad to hear myself say that becuase she is my first love my high school sweet heart. but my thought go to if she loved me she could not have hurt me so bad. so i am trying to move on.

[misombra]

come on, are you saying you can't give us at least one good reason why she broke up with you. everything was fine and them BAM! she dumps you. eehhhhh, i'm not buying it. there has to be SOME reason all this happened. i just heard about a 7 year relationship in 8 lines. i need to hear more of the story to give you an honest opinion.