AH-SOH...the point emerges

[Bennyzilla]

I just had a thread started about whether it was "right" to go after another guys, girl. The majority of the posts said "go for it" so I've decided too. My question is, does anyone have any tips on how to get closer to this girl without making her BF catch on and spoil everything? This girl and I are already good friends and she has shown much intrest in talking to and hanging out with me, even though her BF threatened her with breaking up if she hung out with other guys! (He's not so secure and at first treated her really well but has lately become very possessive and mean to her...so I'll just keep telling myself I'm not a total dick )

[bluesummer]

Wow.....people told you it was okay to go after another guy's girl??? Wow.

I guess you have to ask yourself.......if some guy was quite obviously pursuing your GF, wouldn't you be pissed off?

Hm. I don't know. Just seems off to me. But good luck with that.

[Bennyzilla]

lol you hate me now....

They only said it was ok if it was a matter of love, which it is. I've known this girl almost my whole life and I love her. Her BF treats her like shit and she doesn't have the cahunas to break up with him b/c she "hates hurting other people". I really think it's more unfair to her to just leave it be, as for him, he's a jerk and I couldn't care less if his feelings get hurt. My ex was taken by some other guy while we were dating and it sucked, but he treats her better than I ever did and she's happier now.

Would you rather I just sit back and wait for it to all work itself out?? Because in reality that's more just like giving up on her

[Sereena]

(They told you to go for it?! Okay...)

Uh oh... Is this another case of "nice guy trying to win the heart of the girl dating the jerk"? Looks to be that way!

Dude, whatever you do, DO NOT act like her therapist and try to help her with her problems, especially with her boyfriend. Guys always try that angle and they end up being labeled "friends." Or getting their ass kicked. Let her figure out for herself that she needs to get out of the relationship. You focus on your relationship with her, show her she can have a good time with someone else (but be stealthy about this), don't be pushy, and don't do every little thing she asks of you or she'll just take advantage of your kindness.

And don't kill yourself trying to make this work because it may not be worth the effort. Keep your options open.

[Junket]

Just do it.

And keep us updated on the gritty details.

[Bennyzilla]

i like you two better than blue lol (j/k j/k don't hate me!!! )

She's calling me when she gets off work tonight, she's been really mad at him lately b/c of the whole "you can't talk to other guys thing". I'm definitly not taking the theripist route. I even told he rthat I din't want to talk about him with her and she said she didn't want to either...I'll keep you posted

[bluesummer]

Hey now Benny

I'm not trying to be a jerk, I'm just trying to get you to think before you do. I don't think it's fair just to tell you what you WANT to hear, because that isn't always the right thing. It gives you courage to do something that you deep down may feel isn't right (which is obviously the case, or you wouldn't have asked the question!).

Also, having BEEN that guy whose gf was stolen, shouldn't you have an idea how better to handle it? Some chick stole my bf from me once, and it only reinforced the idea to me how inappropriate it was to interfere in another's relationship.

Look, I'm not saying her bf is an angel and deserves her....maybe he is an ass and needs to be kicked to the curb. But you can't force yourself into his place. You know how that will make you look, right? Remember the guy who did it you?......yeah. Your best bet is to be a good friend to her right now. Spend time with her when you can, etc etc. IF she has feelings for you in return, she will let you know. But take it slowly. She will go only if she wants to, and when she's ready.

[Junket]

Nah, I disagree, I figure, they're relationship is already crap, they sure as hell haven't made the comittment of marriage, ****, why not go in for the girl?

[blacksun]

I think you minterpreted the go for it part. Its more like go for it if the oppertunity presents itself dont try to force one youll just mess it up and get yourself in trouble. This is a loosing situation so dont get your hopes up, even if you win you damage the prize so its sort of loose loose. If you have REAL feelings for this broad then you have to back off and let things take their toll then come back and pick up the mess when everything fails (if it fails). If you just have a crush on her and you want to take her for a spin then wait for an oppertunity to present itself and make your move should one come along, if you succeed then shes not relationship material but you got some good action, if you fail well, you can guess the rest.

[bluesummer]

^ ^ ^ Yes.

[Bennyzilla]

I'm not planning on really doing anything ,other, than being there for her. I'm talking to her right now! I really just want her to be happy, earlier I thought that was with me, but it's not my place to choose that for her. I want her very badly to want to be with me b/c it's what she wants, and not b/c she's mad at her jerk b/f. I was angry earlier b/c I had just found out that her BF was a total dick and that she was unhappy. Blue, I agree more with you, but I want to believe everyone else b/c it's what I want to hear.

Thanks to everyone

Frasbee I hope U aren't too dissapointed in me...

[Junket]

I dun care either way.

Do what you have to do to be happy, within reason of course.

Plus you shouldn't care about what I think of ya.

[Bennyzilla]

lol i know, but thanks anyways

[Junket]

Oh if you could though, do me a favor and give me some bad rep points, I wanna see how low I can get them.

[Bennyzilla]

was that what you were going for all along lol??? well ok then....