-- I need to help a friend --

[Beaker]

Hi,

I have a friend who I think is in a bit of a pickle and hope someone can offer me some advice to help.

My friend has been seeing a guy (who has a girlfriend for over ten years) for over a year. He lives with his girlfriend and sees my friend no more than once a week (which involves a weekly cry). I beleive this relationship is going no where. My friend wants to have kids at somepoint and he has said that he doesn't and never will want to have children, she beleives he may change his mind (so uses this as leverage for giving him a chance). He has told my friend that he will not leave his girlfriend for my friend and yet my friend continues to see this guy and think the sun shines out of his ass!!

He has visited her once in a year and she always goes to see him, which involves a long drive every week. My friend arranges her days off, lies to her work and makes excuses to go visit this guy always on his terms and he sometimes cancels without much notice. Sometimes she drives for over an hour to see him for 30 minutes on his lunch break!!

My question is, how can I try and open my friends eyes to how bad this relationship is for her. She cannot see that she is being used for sex and genuinely beleives that they have a deep understanding and friendship. I have tryed to talk to her about it however, she always makes excuses for the guy. She crys weekly about it but refuses to move on from a "relationship" that is distructive to her. I am worried about her and have tried everything that I can.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can stop her meeting him and move on with her life, or make her realise for herself the damage it is causing her and his "other" relationship. ps. The guy actually organised a meeting between the girls to introduce my friend as his friend to his girlfriend so that it would be easier for him to continue seeing my friend. She sees this as a decloration of how much he is trying to be with her.

Thank you.

[Rob26]

I guess if she's happy with things you should just leave it alone. I suppose it *is* possible that he'll break up with his current girlfriend and get with her -- and decide he wants kids. Stranger things have happened. Other guys aren't breaking her door down to ask her out, are they?

[vashti]

You can't protect people like this from themselves. If I were you, I would look for friends who were more psychologically mature.

[Gigabitch]

Your friend will never get what she wants from this man, and is making herself unavailable to men who could better satisfy her needs. I think you should question her desire to settle down and have kids. Tell her it looks like she's sabotaging her future childrens' existence by remaining with Mr. Unavailable.