Separate Ways

[Journey]

To recap .. I was with my girlfriend for about 6 months. The break was’nt pleasant. When she found out that there were some e-mails from exes she had a fit.

Anyways she called me and we met a few times after that. We got close but not tooo close - she was’nt into being a friend with benefits. She wants an exclusive boyfriend / girlfriend relationship like it was before, or nothing.

Since the breakup its been its been pretty hard, and I have been seeing a councellor to help me understand amongst other things, why at my age I still can't committ Its been really helpful. Anyways we were both wondering what to do and we decided to hang out as friends and take it slow while I went to councelling. Well that changed on Friday…

After seeing each other on Thursday night she called on Friday night and wanted to see me again – saying that we had made dinner plans (but we really didn’t). She asked if I had a date . I said no - I was just tired. She still wanted to get together and I repeated that I was just tired (it was around 10:30pm).

She insisted and I said “I’m in my PJ’s and I’m just going to stay home - can we drop the subject? You want me to be everywhere whenever you want.” I realize now that the choice of words could have been better. But it started to bug me. She said “You’re in a bad mood. You know what, I’m not going to wait for you – I don’t even want to be friends.” So I said “Fine. Bye”. And that was it.

I just wonder .. and this is part of what I’m talking about with the councellor.. I’m 31 and I know I should be ready to settle down, but I still want times just on my own. Its so great being with someone, but I wonder whether the space that I crave is something more than just time at the gym for a workout or to the pool for a swim.

Still..I miss her alot and being alone on this Journey sucks right now.

[lamarthe]

Sounds as if she is not sure about your feelings. She is getting mixed signals so she pushes you and that's always really irritating. But how else will she know if she should invest more into this relationship or try again? She wants to protect herself from being hurt. How much do you want to give her? Have you told her you were in therapy?

Although you say you miss her, it sounds more as if you miss the feeling of having someone. Have you had a long-term relationship before her?

31 is not that old, there is still plenty of time so if you are not sure about her, spare her or else you will hurt her because it sounds as if she is ready for it.

Sit down and ask yourself if you can envisage tomorrow without her. Don't stay because you are desperate to find someone. Six months should be long enough to know.

Looking forward to hearing how it goes...

[Gigabitch]

Not ready is not ready, no matter how old you are. In my opinion, most guys get ready sometime between 30 and 35. Don't push it.

I think you should stay away from her. She's really angry (I remember why) and staying "friends" (ha!) isn't doing either of you any good.

[clynn]

I just wonder .. and this is part of what I’m talking about with the councellor.. I’m 31 and I know I should be ready to settle down, but I still want times just on my own. Its so great being with someone, but I wonder whether the space that I crave is something more than just time at the gym for a workout or to the pool for a swim.

Tell me what your counsellor tells you!

I'm sorta the same way -- love my boyfriend -- love my space.

He is sorta the same way, so it seems to work out.

But I do know that I eventually want to be in a relationship that will move towards things such as (cohabitating, marriage, children, etc) and I wonder about my whole need for personal space.

I dunno. She seemed pretty pushy on that one night.

[misombra]

sorry journ. but if it's not right then it's not right. but i'll tell you this, you only get what you give. if you're not willing to put effort into it then everything will fall apart. one person cannot sustain a whole relationship very long.

troubled times
caught between confusion and PAIN pain painnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
distant eyes
promises we made were in vain VAIN in vaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaainnnnnnn.

[Journey]

Thanks everyone. And to Misombra.....Lets sing..

Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind yoooouu
One night, will remind you
How we touched and went our Separate Ways..

I knew you would chime in!!!!

[misombra]

if she ever hurts you
true love won't desert you
you know i still love you
though we touched and went OUR separate waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays...

[michaelmorgan]

Seems like her emotional maturity kind of sucks. She can't trust you regarding your exes, she can't understand you're tired. Does she ever try to?