SO Confused

[greeneyes]

I'm pledging a coed service fraternity (I'm older than the rest of the people in it at 27, but everyone is still really nice to me.) There's an alumni (our pledge class is actually named after him) who hangs out with us a lot (he's 30.) Well, I have a major crush on him but I'm getting mixed signals from him. I asked him out earlier in the semester and he said "maybe, we'll see." (I actually asked him if he'd go out with me before he moves to Louisville...at the time, he didn't know when he'd be moving.) On Saturday night, one of the brothers in the fraternity walked up to him and said "Becki's crazy about you....why don't you ask her to dance?" That's not the way he was supposed to do things but it's how he chose to do things. The guy's answer was that it "would be too weird because she's in the pledge class named after me." (We do have an unofficial policy that pledges and brothers don't date.)
However, here are the positive signals....he's constantly looking at me (when we go out to dinner as a group we make a great deal of eye contact, when we're in meetings together he has blatantly stared at me, when I've got my back turned to him my friends have seen him looking me up and down, when I crossed the room the other day someone saw him follow me with his eyes all the way across and back to my seat), he shows up places when he knows I'll be there (like to a basketball game that he had no plans to attend until after I told him I'd be there but his excuse was that it was across the street from his work....he had to pay $16 to get in, so that doesn't seem like a good enough reason to me not to mention the ticket he bought was for the regular section and he was scanning the student section where I was), the other night when I was getting in his car to go to dinner (he's my ride about 90% of the time when we go places) he opened the door for me for the first time ever, he has made a jealous comment once, he won't let me go right away when we start talking on Instant Messenger and I'm ready to go, I've seen him start to reach to my side of the car when we were riding together and then all of a sudden sit on his hand or do something else with his hand, and he's touched both my arm to get my attention once and my shoulder to get my attention once.
So, here's my question....Does it sound like he likes me and he's just not comfortable making a move because I'm a pledge or do you think there might be some other reason for all those signals? Thanks.

[jerzygrl]

I hate to break it to you, and I could be totally wrong, but it really sounds like you are reading waaay to much into his every move. Every move he makes you are noting and analyzing. If he wanted to make a move on you, he would. If I asked a guy out and he said " maybe, we'll see" I'd be insulted rather than pleased. I would never want to be with someone whose feelings arent mutual or feel like someone is doing me a favor by being with me.

If I were you, which I'm not, but if I were, I would try to get him off my mind. I know thats probably not what you wanted to hear, but unfortuntely it just sounds like that guy doenst have mutual feelings and makes excuses as to why he's not with you (ie "would be too weird because she's in the pledge class named after me")

i hope im wrong but good luck

[IceQueen]

Ok, rule of thumb.
When you're unclear on the signs, and you *definitely* like the guy, you come up to him and ask him out (with an EXACT time and place -- because that's how you ****ed it up the first time around), and get a DEFINITE yes or no out of him.

That way, if it's a "no", it'll be easier for you to move on, before you fall too hard for him.

[Pretender]

Girl, you need to settle this once and for all and just confront him and ask him out on a date with a specific time and place and if he makes an excuse let him go and chase after another guy. There's no use racking your brain to find out if someone likes you when all you have to do is go up and ask them. I feel much better after my questions are answered no matter how they turn out.

[jerzygrl]

THE ONLY THING A GIRL SHOULD EVER CHASE IS A SHOT

[Pretender]

jerzygrl you are unrealistic in the dating world. The pressure to ask someone out should not be put solely on the males. Women fought for equality and now we must utilize what their voices got us. You enjoy equal opportunities at your job why not the dating world?

[IceQueen]

THE ONLY THING A GIRL SHOULD EVER CHASE IS A SHOT

Well, then, don't complain that you never get to date people that *you* like, and that you only end up dating men who like yo' ass, not your substance.

I like to have a little bit more control than that over whom I will be dating, myself.