Help me get over him!

[unwanted]

If you've read my earlier posts you'd know my fiance and I of almost 3 years were having some problems. Well...this is what happened over the weekend.

Thursday- He went to the bar for dinner and drinks with his dad and brother as he has done every Thursday night since I met him. He came home about 9:00 and at that point told me he wanted to go to the bars downtown with one of his friends. Fine with me....yes I wished he would have stayed home to talk about things with me but I figured I'd give him that space. So I get a text message at 2 in the morning telling me he's trashed and is staying at his friends house then he shuts off his phone.

Friday- He comes home at about 8:15 and I decide to talk to him after he's had a chance to get a shower and whatnot. Mind you I found a poem on his computer confessing his feelings for a woman that he works with. (she is engaged). So I confronted him about the poem and he lied to me at first and then finally he came out and admitted it. I asked him if he planned on pursuing anthing with her and he said no...he's just attracted to her and they've been friends for a while and he's friends with her fiance as well. So I decided to take my kids and stay with a friend for the weekend and go home on Sunday to give him a chance to think about what he wants.

Sunday- I got home around noon and tried talking to him to make things work out and needless to say he was very unresponsive and told me there's nothing I can say or do to change things. He said it's a pattern in his life to be happy for a while then get bored and do something stupid. He proposed to me 3 months ago!

I'm crushed! This is so out of the blue and he's just not acting like himself anymore! I don't know who he is but I know it's not him.

Do you think he'll come out of this and come back and if he does do you think I should take him back if he really feels that this is a pattern that will continue in his life. I have 2 children and he has 1. The kids are torn up over this. If this isn't supposed to be then please give me some tips on how to move on and get over this for the sake of my children at least! I'm doing okay today but I think I'm still in shock since this just happened yesterday.

Thanks to all who take the time to read this lengthy post!

[Cain]

You need to be very cautious about who you date while you have kids. How old are they?

He seems to think that there's nothing really wrong... that he's going to be bored... and if he's wanting to confess feelings for other women, don't be surprised if he cheats. If I were you, I'd simply move out and cut him out of my life completely.

[shh!]

How can you even THINK of continuing a relationship with a man that admits he is already having feelings for other women?

Really, I favor women avoiding men and dating until their children are much, much older. Kids really shouldn't have to deal with their mother's love life drama, and it causes them irreparable harm to bond with and separate from multiple men.

[littlewing]

Whatta d*ck!

[me_love_u]

You need to first lay out everything for him. What a as$hole he is being and what you will do if he doesn't get some brains. For the sake of your children, don't bring a man like this in to their lives. They don't need it, you don't need it. There are better fish in the sea you know.

However he proposed so there must be some feelings but if they are gone, needless to say move on.

[IndiReloaded]

Mind you I found a poem on his computer confessing his feelings for a woman that he works with. (she is engaged). So I confronted him about the poem and he lied to me at first and then finally he came out and admitted it. I asked him if he planned on pursuing anthing with her and he said no...he's just attracted to her and they've been friends for a while and he's friends with her fiance as well.

He lied & he's STILL lying. I know about guys and torches. Of course he's not planning on pursuing anything w/her... she's getting married. He CAN'T do anything. But... if she were available... bet your ass you'd be dumped faster than yesterday's chamber pot.

Move on. Before you do so tho, I'd suggest some strong words for him & then a solid 'goodbye, loser'. Might even shock him into realizing he's losing a firm offer of a good woman to a fantasy he'll never have. Never know.

Good luck.

[Mish]

I'm crushed! This is so out of the blue and he's just not acting like himself anymore! I don't know who he is but I know it's not him.

It is him, just the part you haven't seen before. You've posted a few stories about him now, the general consensus is that he's not a very nice man. The easiest way to move on is to distance yourself from his confusion and his chaotic pattern of life. You know it's not for you and in the end this distancing will be better both for you and your children.

[unwanted]

I just want to thank everyone for your strong words of advice. I have to say that I'm pretty proud of myself and the way I've handled this so far. I've stayed strong and true to myself. My kids and I are going to be staying in the home and he is going to move. I told him that it's not fair to my kids or myself to have to uproot again over a decision that he made on his own. He agreed and is now looking for another place. He keeping his distance but we're cordial with each other so it's not any more difficult on any of the children than it has to be. We have not faught at all over any of this but it's weird to me that he hasn't told his family about this at all and he doesn't want me to say anything either. At this point I've come to the conclusion that even if I were to take him back at some point that he would do this again. He really needs to seek some advice from a professional or he'll never find happiness. I do wish the best for him and hope that he gets the help he needs so he can be a good father and husband to whomever he ends up with down the road. Thanks again for all your input. I'll keep you updated on our situation.

[IndiReloaded]

Good for you.

BTW, I don't like your SN. I don't think you're Unwanted, I think you've just dumped a loser. You should change your SN to something positive!

[unwanted]

I'm not really very familiar with this site but I was thinking I should change that name too. Do you know how I can do that? Thanks for the advice!

[IndiReloaded]

PM the forum administrator, LoveAdmin & make a request. He may not get back to you immediately, tho.

Or just ditch this acct & make a new one. You've only got 9 posts. Make a clean break from your problem & start anew.

[starbuck]

Good for you for breaking it off with him! Stay strong!

[unwanted]

Well....last night was a rough one. I found out that before he broke things off with me he spent the night at "someones" house over the weekend. I told him last night that he's right and that I deserve better. I deserve someone that isn't going to lie and cheat and treat me with total disrespect. He got pissed and wanted to know where I get my info but I told him it's irrelevant. I just said that it's better for me and the kids if he just goes somewhere until he can come get his things because at this point it's awkward to be around him when my feelings for him are much stronger than his are for me. I'm finding a new found strength that I didn't feel I had a couple weeks ago. I took all the kids (mine and his) to see Wall-E last night at the theatre and had a good time and when we got home he was gone. It was hard to sleep but I made it through and I'm determined to have a good day. You guys really don't know how much you've helped me so far. I'll keep posting as the situation progresses. Thanks to all who've been reading and replying to my posts! You guys are great!