Contemplation..(long story)

[pinkfuzzies]

So, let me first start off by saying thank you to anyone who can respond to this. At this point, any and all advice I can get is greatly appreciated.


I am 24 years old, I have been in the same relationship with my 26 year old BF since march of 2004. So almost 5 years.

We have broken up twice, and gotten back together in less than a week both times. We moved in with each other almost exactly a year after we started dating. Have been living together ever since. I was his first for sex. We both are in school full time, and he also works full time. i have had some issues with holding a job since the beginning. im not sure why. I think I lack self-confidence in myself. needless to say, every 6 months or so im looking for new work.

Our sex life has dwindled to say the least. We currently have sex about 2-3 times a month, as apposed to 3 times a day in the beginning. In the past 3 years I have slowly put on weight, and am at my heaviest. he says it has nothing to do with my weight gain, the fact that he lacks an interest in sex anymore. But im not an idiot.

Anyways, to my real question..

lately I have been having some strong attractions to another man. A close friend of my brothers, and i would say of mine as well. I am not sure if he (the friend) knows my attraction or not, But last week i was informed by my brothers gf ( who is this guys cousin) that he likes me, and apparently is shy. he also knows i have a bf.

The thing is.. he almost never talks to me. And I love my boyfriend.. we are both very much in love with each other. But i cant shake this "wonder" about the other guy. i am not even sure it would be anything worth finding out. But how can i be so sure.? Sometimes I am unhappy being with my boyfriend. I love him.. and hes a wonderful guy who could probably provide me with a great future after school.

But i am still young.. i enjoy going out with my girlfriends to the bar, and what worries me is these thoughts i am having about my guy friend. i knew something was up when i find myself hoping this guy shows up to parties and/or I see him town. i did tell my boyfriend that I am very confused right now.. Im afraid of losing him.. and I know that is very selfish but I AM CONFUSED. i dont know what to do.

My boyfriend is very content with his life. He works full time and goes to school and in his spare time all he really likes to do is come home, relax and play his computer games. When he does that I find myself laying int he bedroom either watchign tv or vegging out in front of the computer. it makes me feel lonely. I wish he liked to go out and do things.. he hates bars, and is a homebody.

i am thinking that the attraction and compatibility is gone. 5 years and things just arent the same. But I love him. and when we arent arguing about something stupid, i am happy. but what do i do about these feelings for the other guy.. whom I am not even sure really does like me like that. what about the possibility? Should I take the chance?? please help me out!

Sorry for this being so long..



Edit: I also guess I should add, that during our second breakup my boyfriend slept with another girl he worked with. i always knew he did something but i didnt find out untill a year later, when the girls best friend reaffirmed my gut feeling in class. When i confronted my boyfriend he admitted to it. I was never angry they slept together bc we were broken up. However for a year he made me feel like crap, bc i kept bringing it up ( i knew something happened and i couldnt get over it) he even told me one time that if i couldnt drop it i should just go and move back in with my grandparents bc he couldnt take it anymore. I felt like a shitty girlfriend for not "trusting" my bf. And when i found out i was furious! he said he just didnt want it to come up annymore bc he regretted it th emoment it happened and just wanted to forget about it. that he didnt want to hurt me. Whats funny, is that I even started to like this girl, and hung out wiht her a few times. I felt almost betrayed. I found out about all this in aug. And ive pretty much let it go.. but my friends think im nuts for letting him get away with it.. .

[ilikebuttons]

pinkfuzzies,
sounds like you're more unhappy with your current bf then i am.. for me, its just a curiosity issue. Like, i know i'm not going to go anywhere with this new guy but i just want to satisfy the tamptation.
But from what i read in your post, i think you need to find out if there's a real problem beneath the decreased sex and if you really want a guy that makes you feel lonely all the time. i hope all the best works out for you though.

[pinkfuzzies]

I have asked him, and we have talked many times about some of the issues in our relationship. he isnt much for words, and somehow it always seem to end up being my fault. ( the issues that arise) i dont know if im just bored, or if i truly am unhappy. like i said, i love my boyfriend and I know he loves me. He hsa stayed with me through all the crap ive put him through. I am an emotional person, and was diagnosed with depression at a younger age. Things have been great up untill recently, and now this "temptation" of another guy is getting really strong. i would never and have never cheated on my boyfriend. But i also am not sure if throwing away a 5 year relationship for a possibility is really worth it, especially when i cant distinguish between boredom and unhappiness. *sigh*

[carl1222]

I know you are following ilikebuttons' thread ... my main response is there.

Your situation is different and far more ambiguous than hers.

Your relationship definitely has stagnated and needs work. That's what I meant when I told buttons that these temptations get stronger during the not so good times.

If you are using your anger at your boyfriend's brief affair with a co-worker while you were broken up as justification for pursuing the new guy, you are dead wrong. When you were broken up, he had absolutely no commitment to be faithful to you. That's why I think it's a mistake to treat breakups so casually.

Now, if he dumped you and was sleeping with a girl less than a week later, I see your point on anger because he was probably doing what you are thinking about doing now.

But if you dumped him, you are just dealing with the consequences of your own action.

Carl.

[pinkfuzzies]

I was never angry that he slept with her. i had no reason to be, because as I stated we weren't together.That isn't what has bothered me these past few months, I guess part of me has never really gotten over the fact that he LIED to me for a year and made ME feel like the guilty one for bringing it up. Even still, that is only ONE of the reasons we have been so distant with each other, and I think it is more me being distant then he.


I would never use that as an excuse to break up with him. The fact is, I really don't want to break up with him. But The other part of me wants to see what could happen with this other guy. And AS a respectful person, I would break up with my boyfriend before ANYTHING was even said or done. I am just not even sure if this guy would pursue anything with me, and therefore would it be worth it. I love my boyfriend.. i couldn't say that enough. But i know what its like being lied to, and cheated on.. and I could never put someone through that. I guess im not just looking for a "do i or dont i" answer.. just some helpful advice to help me with my decision.

If I choose to end my relationship it will be for the right reasons. I may just feel like being in any relationship right now isnt for me.. Im not sure.

All I know is.. the attraction to this other guy is there.. and I know its real , because I find myself WANTING to see him, hear from him or run into him quite often. And If I am truly happy and content with things, I wouldnt be doing that. Know what I mean?