Please Help me!

[Sovako]

So me and my girlfriend had been together for about 1 year and a half. Things were going amazingly, but about 1 month ago things started to feel odd, she texted me a lot less, we talked a lot less. I asked her about this and she said shes been so busy with school and figuring out stuff. (Were about 2hrs away at different colleges.) Anyways, she was saying that I was smothering her and she needed space. So I tried doing so, and just about a week ago she said she wanted to break up for a little bit. Of course I was devistated. She said she loved me, but needed to figure out her own life, before us, and kept saying she's only 19. I don't know what to do. She wants to talk everyday still and stuff. How do I handle this, do i refuse to talk with her? or what? How can I win her back? I really love her so much and can't imagine my life without her. Please Help!!

[Silly]

What you need to do is apply NC = NO CONTACT NOW!

* When she asked you for space, it translates into this. = She is putting you on the BACK BURNER.

* When she told you she loved you but wants to break up for a little, it translates into this. = She just made you her TOOL. She can come to you when she needs EMOTIONAL SUPPORT and ignore you and put you away when she does NOT need you.

* You EX basically made you less of a MAN.

You are NOT priority in her life anymore. If you were, and if she TRULY loved you, you would not be on this forum right now asking for help.

If you want to win this game, play your cards right, and come out on top, you must follow my advise. I have been down your road and been hurt very bad. Then i met someone online and he taught me how to win and how to overcome this bad situation. Check it out............................................... ........

1) You need to apply NC. Do not call her, text her, email her, facebook her, myspace her, text her, etc... You must break ALL contact! Never pick up the phone if she calls.

* If she calls you and you pick up the phone, you screwed yourself and you will start ALL OVER AGAIN! The pain will start all over again.

* What NC does is give you time to heal. It also gives time for her to miss you. It does many other things and you will learn its POWER as you apply it.

* Sorry for sounding harsh, but it seems like to me, and this is just an assumption, that she is already seeing another man. She wants to hold on to you as a BACKUP PLAN incase her new man dont work out. I will put money on this...

She is USING YOU! She is Disrespecting you as a MAN! She is playing you!


She is being foolish ( you cant blame her, shes only 19 ), and she probably thinks that

" The grass is greener on the other side "

but in reality...........................

" The grass is greener on the other side ONLY AT FIRST GLANCE "


2) This rule is Imperative that you follow. You must better yourself as a MAN. You must make your inner self better. Use this bad time to WORKOUT, Exercise, Buy new clothes, Learn to dance, Learn to cook, Learn new skills, go out with friends, talk to friends, join a group, do anything you want to get your mind off of her.

* Once you apply rule #2 , you will have done 2 things.

A) Bettered yourself as a REAL MAN. You will have gained more confidence that she took away from you. You will stand taller. You will feel better about yourself. You will project that CONFIDENT AURA that females want from a real man. Females have a 6th sense and can smell it a mile away.

B) You will have won this game by turning the tables around on her. You will have the upper hand. You will have played your cards right. And now, 2 things will inevitably happen. ( You can NOT control what happens )

1) If she really loved you: She will start to miss you. She will start to call you. She will start to want you back and question her first decision of needing space.

* You have just let the " FISHING LINE LOOSE " and the fish slowly swims back.
* You " PULL THE FISHING LINE IN " and the fish PULLS FURTHER AWAY!

2) She never loved you in the first place ORRR found another man better than you: She is gone forever and you must move on like a man.

* You were man enough to get into this relationship, and you have to be man enough to turn around and walk away without turning back.

Now, If she comes back to you, you must remember this...

Forget and dismiss EVERYTHING that comes out of her mouth.

WORDS = AMOUNT TO NOTHING!

You must judge her sincerity by HER ACTIONS! = REAL MOTIVES.

I hope i helped you.

Good Luck

[Sovako]

Thanks a bunch! This helps.

One question though, she wants to talk everyday, and she's prolly gonna call everyday. Should i just ignore that? And when would be a good time to like start talking to her again? Can I do anything to help this along?

Were both coming back for thanksgiving, what should I do about that?

[curves222]

I agree with Silly, I've been in two relationships where the guy asked for a "break" while he figured out what he wanted. BIG MISTAKE, both times. It was just stall tactics they used when they wanted out, but either wanted to soften the blow for me (NOT!!!) or were to chicken to just admit they wanted out.

The result? I suffered and fretted and was miserable until the break up was finalized. I wasn't happy after the break ups, but I was free and could emotionally move on. As long as you have the hope you all will get back together, you will perpetually be worried and upset.

As far as her little game of still wanting to be "best buds" with you, I would talk to her one more time just to give her the 411. The next time she calls, inform her that it is important for yourself that you move on and, in order to do that, you cannot communicate with her anymore. Tell her that, if she eventually decides she does want to rededicate herself to the relationship, then (and only then) she can contact you to discuss things. Then drop it, drop it, drop it!!!!! Live up to what you say.

Don't wait for her. Get out there and date, meet other women. You may not want to, that's okay! Do it anyway and get out of the house. Don't sit around sulking for her. It will be crazy tough, I know it will. But you need to be strong.

Give her a chance to miss you. It is your best chance to get her back, but she very well may not and you need to realize that and behave like she is gone forever. Quite frankly, it will hurt a lot but it WILL literally get better with each passing day. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if she does want to get back with you and you tell her to "shove it" because you have already moved on and realized you are better off without her.

I followed some of my own advice with one of the guys who did this to me. I got out and started dating right away even though my heart was breaking. I ran into the guy at a party a couple weeks after the break up with one of my new guys on my arm. The look on his face was PRICELESS!! His mouth literally dropped open and he looked like someone had just punched him in the gut. He even pulled me aside at the party and asked with an amazed tone, "You're already dating someone else!?!" I looked at him at him with my wide "innocent" eyes, tilted my head, and said, "Of course! Why wouldn't I be?" with just an oh, so slightly puzzled tone

He never did ask me to get back together with him...I don't think anything I could have done would have...but the immense sense of satisfaction I got from that encounter took away a lot of my heartache.

[Carmen]

Look..I went through a similar situation. Got my love back. When she calls, say "I'd love to talk to you but I want you to have the time/space you're asking for, I think I also need this time/space myself and it won't help us to keep talking to each other this often. Let's meet up in a couple of weeks if we're both still interested" I doubt you'll do this because it takes a lot of courage, I know you're thinking "but how can I say this to her when I love her so much?" "what if she thinks I don't care anymore and decides to forget us?" I'm telling you, it is the ONLY way to maybe get her back. Like Silly said--you have to take your manhood back and make her see your value. She will NOT want to be with you if you let her do whatever she wants with you--she'll lose respect for you I'm serious. You have the advantage that she wants to keep in touch--it shows that she's unsure about ending it with you. By telling her you need time for yourself you'll let her realize she might lose you unless she makes up her mind quick. I'm telling you I think you have a great chance if you play it this way...any other way, forget it. I did it--it took time (2 months) and a lot of crying and keeping my true feelings to myself--but the one thing I did was to show him I was strong and totally fine with it (i wasnt though) We are happier than ever now.

[Cbrider]

I hate to say it, but everything she said/did points to another guy in the picture. Don't hold your breath, I would just start moving on.

[lhn]

I'm with Curves on this one.
Most the time, this is just the lead up to the official breakup. Sounds a lot like she is trying to make sure that she has you when she needs you, then once she has found something better, she'll move on and severe the last few ties with you.
I appreciate this isn't something you want to hear and you certainly don't want to believe it. You'll probably go down the 'hoping it works out' road just like the rest of us on this forum but it will only lead to hurt. I might sound bitter but this really is the stark reality of it all.

In a nutshell, you are probably going to go through hell in the next few months. Trying to decide what went wrong, how to deal with it, how to get her back, and everything inbetween. You'll miss her and hope she misses you. If and when this happens, just know that we have all been through it and it's tough. Definately one of the toughest experiences that you'll go through.

Keep your head up, keep smiling and surround yourself with your friends.

Good luck,

Luke

[afterhourz]

Really?

I think there may be love. I dont know either of you, however I think she just wants to be 'free' in her college years, free to sleep with/date other men. This happens a lot. Which is why many times, committed relationships just don't work in the end when both are in college.

Call if selfish or whatever you want, but it happens. She may still think there is love, and it's worth holding onto, but at this point I think she wants to build her character more before she settles down.

Don't worry bout it, the universe will make things right

[Silly]

Sovako.

She calls you everyday and wanna talk?

I could of sworn she told you to BACK OFF and give her space. Thats contradicting herself!

Thats also not fair to you!

Give her all the space she wants! And if she calls, i already told you what to do above. IGNORE HER! Apply no contact! Give her time to MISS YOU SO BAD! Make her see that her choice to tell you to BACK OFF and give her space is wrong! Make her FEEN FOR YOU!.

That is how you get her back.

You must use this time wisely and better yourself. I cant stress that enough.

You must make sure however that she is not only calling you at certain times when her " OTHER MAN " is not around. Or when she is feeling low and needs you for her ROCK.

Do not be her rock. Its either ALL OR NOTHING. Why do you want to be 2nd place?
Why do you want to get used?

Im just assuming. Thats what YOU NEED TO FIND OUT.

If you feel she is not with someone else, then its up to you, when you feel like she proved that she only wants you, then you can take her back. All up to you.

Remember! You must apply NO CONTACT for at least 1-2 weeks for it to work. NC needs time to work. It is VERY POWERFUL when used right.

Also, if you decide to let her back in your life, you must judge HER ACTIONS

NEVER WORDS... Word = ZERO...

=)

P.S. = Im editing my post to add this. I just HAD TO ADD THIS PART because its so important! In my humble OPINION and from experience many times... I think she probably already HAS ANOTHER MAN! Or She is testing it out with that other man. And she is coming to you for emotional support before totally breaking it off with you. She is going to " KEEP THE OLD CAR BEFORE PULLING THE NEW ONE IN THE DRIVEWAY ". That is just an assumption, but i would put money on it. Be careful!.......

[imdying]

im facing the same problem too
he is 21 and im 19. he is my first love and he used to be a good bf.
i love him so so much and he do too...
we r staying together.we r in russia atm doin medicine.
one months ago he said he doesnt know why he cant talk to me and he need to take a rest.
so he said he wanna breakup abit...i was feel like dying when he said this out.
anyone can help me??
he admit that he still love me but he doesn't want to commit....everyone advice me to let him go,but i cant do that. i got the feeling that he is my only one because we r together like 1 year and 3 months, we r so understand each other!! i really dont want to give up.
any good suggestion for me to get him back??

[Only-virgins]

Repeat after me "Bitch!, if you don't like me anymore say it to my face and stop making shit up!" ...there, now go say it to her.

[Sovako]

So 3 day of no contact/conversations....

It's killing me, but I know it's killing her too. Am I doing the right thing?

[Gigabitch]

Yes, I'm afraid so. Even if it hurts, this girl has really changed and it's not right to keep showering her with affection. Relationships should not be based on unconditional love- that's for your kids. Relationships are based on mutual investment and she stopped investing about a month ago.

[Sovako]

ugggh, so she texted me today and was like can i call you in a lil bit. I told her to call me tomorrow, since I was working. Did I make a mistake???

[cmacattack1]

Yeah, you kind of did. For no contact to work, you have to keep your distance for a little while. Three days isn't enough. When she does that, you have to tell her that you need your space too and that she has to respect that. It's extremely difficult because emotion is running your logic right now, but you have to listen to what they are telling you because if you want things to work out in the future you need to step back and away from her to really assess the situation. If she comes back to you crying and wants to get back together, that's one thing, but anything less and you need to tell her to give you space. As hard as that is. It's natural to try to keep you as a cushion because she knows that you didn't want this and it's natural for you to want to be there.

Do this for a month or so anyway at least. Figure out what things went wrong for both parties in the meantime so that if you do get back together, you can make it stronger.

I just got dumped about a month ago, with her saying I need space you are still the one just not now. I mailed her an angry letter after (bad move) and I proceded to call her and text her for the next week and when I saw her the following week I begged and pleaded and she got angry and gave me my stuff back. EVEN STILL I still wrote a letter after saying you are right, I need to give you space and I wasn't respecting it, we have genuine love and everything will work out. Just another angry phone call saying "you think you have another chance?!"

Two weeks of no contact, I get a call for her asking me to give back something I borrowed from her brother and she sounded upset. I waited a week and texted her if everything was okay and I would love to talk if she wasn't angry. She called me and I talked about how much I loved her and what love was to me and how I understand and forgive her for being angry with me. Just prompted an angry "what you did to me was unforgiveable" and it also gave her a chance to tell me about her new boyfriend and how she was over me. In about a month, it went from you are the one not now to i have a boyfriend get over me.

The point I'm trying to make here is that you can make a huge mess of things if you let emotions run your logic. I screwed up any possible chance I had with her because of my pathetic behavior. I don't want to see it happen to you.