This game sucks

[Phaxt]

Hello everyone. I'm feeling down and have a lot to say. I would love to read any comments, thoughts or insights from you!


I have wanted for the longest time to find the perfect girl for me, to find my "soul mate" (I do not personally believe in the concept of a soul mate or "the one", but I do believe in extremely good matches). It's something that I have craved for many years. A while back, I had no clue what I was doing when it came to meeting and attracting women. I was kind of awkward and intimidated by women. Though I knew what I wanted in a woman, I had idea how to meet such a woman. This was incredibly frustrating to me.

This frustration drove me to what seemed like a logical conclusion: I believed that if I could learn how to become a player, I would be able to find love. So, I set my mind to it, and for 4 years I studied body language, social dynamics, psychology, fashion and fitness. I became quite the adept seducer. No doubt it has been a lot of fun, but I have a lot of emotional issues now and I'm just as frustrated, if not more so, than before.

In my search for a soul mate, I have been with a LOT of women. Of those, however, only one was what I would call "soul mate material": brilliant, driven, independent, sociable, beautiful, sexy, funny. Simply flawless in all senses of the word. I'll call her Emma. We had an incredible relationship for three months before a complicated situation made it impossible for us to continue to be together.

This devastated me; I cried hysterically for weeks and weeks over Emma, and eventually calmed down to the point where I would only break down once a month or so. The only reason I still have my sanity is because we are now physically separated by a large distance, so I can pretend that she doesn't exist. After some recovery, I started going out and meeting many new women again. But it was as if the part of me that should be able to emotionally "dive in" and fully connect with people was damaged. I would keep my distance with the women I was seeing, so to speak, and push them away even if I liked them a lot. As a result, I have broken more hearts than I can count on both hands, which has twisted me up emotionally and ruined great friendships. I am also lonely, despite the fact that I never sleep alone.

Now, I am feeling very discouraged and pessimistic about finding love again. I cannot help but look at the Tom Robbins quote of the month at the top of this forum: "We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love." I sense that the looking-for-the-perfect-lover mentality that I have had for years could be causing me problems. Anyone care to tell me how I can create the perfect love?

[Heratriumphant]

The first thing you need to do is address your fear of emotional intimacy. If you don't you will be lonely for the rest of your life.

[Phaxt]

Anyone have any good tips or know any good relevant books for addressing fears of emotional intimacy?

[Only-virgins]

I can't help you. I am the opposite of you. I believe in love as in heart pounding, lip warming, pupil dilating love. I couldn't give two shits for "extremely good matching"...that takes second place....and that is a far far second place. So don't know, I find that when I fall in love the emotional attachment is forced but natural.