Getting her back

[Kit90]

Hi everyone

I have just been through a break up 2 weeks ago, with someone I have been together with for one and a half years. Everything was perfect, until all out of the blue she said she didn't feel the same anymore. I was devastated as I loved her like I did always, I still do now. The thing is, I knew something was 'right' about the relationship, and I want her back more than anything.

On monday night she contacted me saying she was so upset and was wondering if she did the right thing, and kind of hinted about getting back together. But yesterday she was online all night and didn't speak properly, all she said was "hi, oh going to watch a film xxx" and then went off.

I don't know what to think or how to interpret these messages, I can't find the courage to stamp some authority on the situation and set the record straight, I need to know what is going on. So far I have tried every tactic, asking her to get back with me (very early on) and then telling her i am trying to move on. The thing is, she initiates all the conversations, so surely if she didn't want to get back with me she would have cut contact all together?

Thanks for reading

[lhn]

Hi,

Its a delicate situation and I'm sorry you have found yourself in it. Basically you are doing the right thing in telling her you are trying to move on. You've also kind of answered your own question by realising you need to stamp some authority on the situation and take control.
You can't dictate what she will do but make sure your decisions and choices and ones which look out for you. You need to find out what is going on and whether there is the possibility of the relationship continueing.
If she loves you as much as you hope she does, she will make the effort to get you back. For the relationship to work and for you to be be sure that she is committed, it has to be her who initiates getting back together.
Don't go out of your way to be mean or anything like that and don't contact her just because you feel lonely at any given moment.
Let her decide on her own if you're what she wants otherwise this will just happen further down the line and hurt you all over again.

hope you're ok

Luke

[Kit90]

Thanks very much for your reply

I am just confused about the whole situation, the night she spoke about getting back together we left on amicable terms, yet the next day she doesn't even speak to me. I just don't know where I stand with this, is she not contacting because she is thinking of getting back but just wants time to think things over, or is she not talking because she is moving on. If i knew i could perhaps act, but i am completely in the dark. I could ask her, but i know i would get a confused answer.

I just feel like an object that is being thrown and picked up over and over again

[lhn]

And unfortunately there is no easy answer Kit90. This could go on for a while if you let it.
Ofcourse you want to hold on to the idea that you guys will get back together but the truth is, a lot of the time it doesn't happen.

What would you prefer to happen?... if you want to get back together you give it say another week or two and then lay it out for her. Either she does want to try or she doesn't. If you still receive a confused response then you tell her that its too hard and she needs to move on, as do you. That realisation is the crappest of them all but you do need to realise it.

[Kit90]

thanks a lot for that any other views would be nice too.

So to 'set the record straight' as such, shall i initiate the conversation just saying how it is, or should I wait until she starts talking, and then say it? I don't want her to move on while i'm not talking to her you see =/

thanks

[Gigabitch]

It sounds like you're letting her use you to help her get over you. Cut her off. If she really misses you, she'll come back for real. If not, at least she won't keep stringing you along.

[dimager2003]

I think the best for you is to cut her off and stop torturing yourself... Sounds sad but it's the best for you!

[Kit90]

Right so, she's agreed it's for the best that we meet up this sunday as a neutral meeting. Even i am not sure whether i want to get back with her, but we are both confused about what we want, so we decided it's best to meet up to confirm our feelings for sure.

I am nervous and excited, does anyone have any tips on how to play it on sunday?
thanks

[lostwithyou]

Just be yourself, play it cool, don't show sign of desperation. Just let her know you still care and pretty much talk about about what she wants to talk. Good luck to you Kit90.

[Kit90]

Thanks, I will try to keep my cool and act confident. At this point I am not too fussed about getting back with her, I just want the situation to be closed and at rest once and for all. Sounds like a silly question, but should I greet her and say goodbye with a hug and tell her to take care when we part ways? Also should I tell her I have to be somewhere else later on, so we can only make it a short conversation?

[Kit90]

Hi again

With regards to the meeting, I just don't know. We met up went for a walk and chatted about this and that, and then she started talking about what an amazing time she is having without me and how glad she is, it was like she was rubbing it all in my face (saying stuff like, "i went to this concert last night and I saw all these lads and I was just like whoooa". . The good thing is that I didn't rise to it, instead I took it on the chin and said that I was doing ok too (she wouldn't even contemplate getting back together). She wouldn't look at me properly, it was like I was looking at a girl with a whole different attitude, practically a competely different person to who I remember, it was like I meant nothing to her.

I don't want her back the way she is now, I just want it how it used to be. She has seriously gone from the most caring lovely girl in the world to one of the most manipulative hard faced people I could even imagine. It is all mainly the influence of her friends, she spends every single minute with them, even to the extent that the male friends she spends time with, their girl friends are saying they hate her because she is spending all her time with them.

Better off with or without?

[Kit90]

Well, I still kinda want her back a lot.

But I have told her that if I am not going to get another chance with her (she is adament she won't give me another chance), that I must delete all forms of communication, facebook msn phone etc.

I know this is good for me, but will it drive her away even more?

Thanks in advance

[dlinepassion]

I don't think it will drive her away more. I think it will either drive her crazy or she'll just move on. You said you didn't really want to get back with her right? If that's the way you feel, even if you miss her, just cut off communication. It will hurt for a while but unfortunately that seems to be what would be best for you.

[Kit90]

Thanks

stupidly I unblocked her half an hour later to ask if she was ok. She didn't reply and now she appears to have blocked me too

[Kit90]

Today I got curious and logged into her facebook, there was a message to her friend saying how lonely she feels, and that she misses being loved by me and the things we used to do. Is this a sign she wants it back on?