Going back to an ex ? ...

[Estrella*]

Here's my question :

I was in a really long relationship, over 5 years, and we splitted about 6 months ago. We evolved separately I guess and I didn't have anymore place for myself. It was always his sports, his travels, his activities, friends, family...etc
Everything else was perfect! We were always laughing and enjoying our time. The sex was ok but I guess after 5 years or so, it's less passionnate.

I turned 30 and kinda flipped out when I realised I had lost my true identity. Although I liked, and still do, his family, friends, activities I felt I needed to find my own tastes, by myself.

So we split.
I'm now dating this guy who is not so different, but has what my ex was lacking and I love it. He doens't get me quite as good as my ex though. I dont know if anyone ever will.

BUT, the problem im facing here is that I still can'T stop thinking about my ex. Everything reminds me of him and I miss the simplicity of our relationship. We never fought, we understood eachother perfectly. Everytime I talk TO him, OF him or that someone talks ABOUT him...I cry or try very hard to hold it.

Is that normal ??? Does this mean I should maybe review my priorities and that perhaps my ex was all that I wanted but that I just couldn't see it while I was in the relation ?
Is it normal to still ''grieve'' a long relationship for months ?

Sometimes it takes some time appart to realise what's really important in life.

What do you think? Help !

[Primo]

Have a talk with him, find out what he's thinking. Be prepared for the fact that he might have moved on and be more content without you though. I say give him a call and feel him out for your own peace of mind.

[TH3SPUS]

This is totally normal especially since you had such deep feelings for him. I still think about one of my ex-girlfriends (the one that I actually loved) pretty often.

[Estrella*]

Have a talk with him, find out what he's thinking. Be prepared for the fact that he might have moved on and be more content without you though. I say give him a call and feel him out for your own peace of mind.

I know he still wants to get back with me.... he's seeing someone but nothing serious.

I just don't want to jump back in just to realize I was better without him.
Ugh!! How can I know ?
Im also seeing someone who really brings me what was missing - is it just because its the beginning ?.
Is it normal to still hurt and cry and miss my ex after 5 months of being appart ?
Even if I'm seeing someone ?

[Carmen]

No, I don't think it's normal to still hurt and cry after 5 months unless you really miss him in your life. Can you see yourself happy with him? Sounds like you guys had a good relationship and like you said, maybe you just needed to find your own identity. If you still have strong feelings for him why not talk to him about it? see if you both can discuss new things that can be brought to the relationship. How do you feel when you see him? Sometimes one misses someone but then when you see them it doesn't feel the same...

[Estrella*]

No, I don't think it's normal to still hurt and cry after 5 months unless you really miss him in your life. Can you see yourself happy with him? Sounds like you guys had a good relationship and like you said, maybe you just needed to find your own identity. If you still have strong feelings for him why not talk to him about it? see if you both can discuss new things that can be brought to the relationship. How do you feel when you see him? Sometimes one misses someone but then when you see them it doesn't feel the same...

He dropped by my house yesterday.
He hugged me and said that all things could be worked out and he is sure of that.
He also kissed me... I didn't really wanted too cause my head is too messy but I still gave in thinking that maybe I'd have my answer.

Well....nothing happens, no butterflies or no strong feeling came rushing in. But agin, maybe my head is just too ****ed up at the moment.
What I felt though was comfort. He was my rock.

Now, does this mean that mayber comfort and strenght and being able to understand eachother so well is more valuable than all the passion that one can find in another....or maybe not.

I dont know...I dont know...

[thirdtimelucky]

Why no butterflies?! Are you hotter for your new guy than the old guy? Is the new guy better looking than the old guy? You need to find the reason there isn't enough passion there.

[pearl82]

Estrella, I can fully understand what you are feeling.

I left my ex for exactly the same reason as you did more than 3 (!) years ago.
The first 3months have not been easy, we were even living together and it lasted 6 more weeks until we had it all sorted out, new appartments etc.

I started dating this other guy, but I wasn't that much into him as I was into my ex bf in the beginning. It lasted only a few months, it was just a casual thing.
Following was a period of 6 months being single. It was a good time. AND- all the time I kept in touch with my ex.

I then got to know my present bf, it's 2,5 years already.
AND I still have a very good relation to my ex.
I text him whenever I have some problems, he texts me in return and helps, no matter what the problem is, even if it is something concerning my new bf, there is a "lifesign" at least once a week from both sides.
You experienced sooo much with your ex,it's too normal to think of him a lot.
If you won't start fighting now maybe there will be a very close friendship.

Don't think about taking him back, it would maybe last for another year, but it wouldn't be the same anymore. Take your time finding yourself, life will go on, even without him as a bf, but maybe with him as a very good friend!

[starbuck]

Estrella, if you do try to get back with your ex, you need to be willing to work very hard on the relationship. It could be a very tough road for both of you after what's happened. And if you are afraid of jumping back in and then realizing you made a mistake, those doubts are there for a reason.

Honestly, I think you should give yourself more time apart from him.