over it!!

[Daniela]

not sure if i posted this in the right place but anyways..

i'm a bit over it at the moment.. i've been single for over 3 years and i'm sick of meeting non decent guys and copping the same thing from them.. i have tried hanging out at different places and meeting people thru friends etc but in the end most of the guys just end up being the same..

i just seems like the older i get (i'm 26), the harder it is to find someone normal.. i don't think i'm picky and i don't think i'm the only one that feels like this. but this is what i have noticed with guys these days. and i think they have changed a lot since 5 years ago..

i'm sick of meeting guys that do drugs or drink a lot (i mean getting pissed everyday) or are just after sex..

how can guys ask for sex so easily and actually expect to get it? what happened to guys wanting a relationship and looking towards the future, settling down and having a family??

i'm sure there are guys out there that think the same of girls..

sorry i just had to vent..

what are your views or advice??

[Asip4u]

Perhaps you're still not going to the right places. If you have certain hobbies and you go where people with similar interests are, you should be able to do better. Keep at it and don't give up, the right guy is out there. Good luck!

[MikeL]

Can I ask a question? Since you had all this happen more then once are you more likely to turn a nice guy down? I wonder because looking at an online dating site must girls say the same stuff like "I want to try something new" or "I want to find a nice guy" But when the guy comes along they turn down 99.9% of them I just want to know what the reasoning is.

[the_robot]

Most guys under 30 I know are just looking for sex, if you mention them anything other than that, it creeps them out... and of course, drugs & alcohol have something to do with it, drunk or drugged girls are easier apparently. (Even though I really doubt it is the same experience it may be otherwise)

And yes, there's guys out there who look for something stable, but I suspect most of us are inside our caves on the internet crying because we are too shy to approach girls.. or haven't met any we like.

[starbuck]

I totally understand your frustration as I was single for many years and kept thinking, "Why can't I meet the right guy?" I did eventually in my thirties. Do I regret those single years? Absolutely not. Those years gave me alot of time to work on my career and my self. There were some boyfriends along the way, some good, some not-so-good, but never anyone I felt ready to settle down with in until I met my husband.

If I could give you three pieces of advice, they would be:
Be patient.
Remind yourself that there is more to life than a relationship.
Focus on the process part of dating (and what you can learn from it) and not so much on the outcome.

You're already learning what you won't tolerate in a relationship, like drugs and drinking. Some people never even get to that stage because they are so desperate to stave off their loneliness. You sound like you're doing fine, but you just need a little patience and trust that not all men out there are druggies or sex-crazed.

You might not feel it right now because you are frustrated, but trust me, finding that person who is genuinely right for you is totally worth waiting for.

[the_robot]

You're already learning what you won't tolerate in a relationship, like drugs and drinking. Some people never even get to that stage because they are so desperate to stave off their loneliness.
You might not feel it right now because you are frustrated, but trust me, finding that person who is genuinely right for you is totally worth waiting for.

I find it troublesome to have too many things "you won't tolerate", Daniela doesn't if that's just it, but some people like myself who ask for too much may be in trouble...

[starbuck]

I find it troublesome to have too many things "you won't tolerate", Daniela doesn't if that's just it, but some people like myself who ask for too much may be in trouble...

I'm not exactly sure what you mean. You mean you have too many things you won't tolerate? Or other people do?

Everyone has different tolerances. I have a friend who is a neat freak and messiness in a guy would be a dealbreaker for her. I don't consider it a dealbreaker at all. My husband is somewhat messy, but I can live it.

If something doesn't work for her, she's smart to recognize it and listen to it, rather than try to make a square peg fit a round hole.

[the_robot]

I'm not exactly sure what you mean. You mean you have too many things you won't tolerate? Or other people do?

Yes, I mean I have too many things I won't tolerate and too many things I want in a person... I find defects too easily.

[Gigabitch]

Daniela, you're almost out of the woods. I assume from what you posted that you're dating guys your own age and yes, guys in their mid-twenties are, by and large, a bunch of monkeys. It's about to get better. Some guys become absolutely wonderful in their thirties.

[Daniela]

Most guys under 30 I know are just looking for sex, if you mention them anything other than that, it creeps them out... and of course, drugs & alcohol have something to do with it, drunk or drugged girls are easier apparently. (Even though I really doubt it is the same experience it may be otherwise)

And yes, there's guys out there who look for something stable, but I suspect most of us are inside our caves on the internet crying because we are too shy to approach girls.. or haven't met any we like.

i know a few guys over 30 and they r just as bad as 18 year olds..

i think because these days there is a lot of girls out there that will give in to guys and have sex with them, guys then think that all girls are like that..

i don't know about drugs but i have heard from a friend that if guys drink alcohol then it makes them last longer in bed..

[the_robot]

i know a few guys over 30 and they r just as bad as 18 year olds..

i think because these days there is a lot of girls out there that will give in to guys and have sex with them, guys then think that all girls are like that..

i don't know about drugs but i have heard from a friend that if guys drink alcohol then it makes them last longer in bed..

Yeah, there's also 50 year olds who are like that, but as Gigabitch said, it seems most change their mind around that age.
The sex thing may be related to what you say, but I see it as a mix of immaturity and male nature. Males are programmed to spread their genes, so most try as hard as they can.

And about drugs.. it makes sense, I've never been drunk, but if it desentizises people even a bit, it should have that effect...

[sookie6]

My friend has just met the one 7 months ago.

They are on the same wavelength, very serious about what they want...they moved in together 3 months ago.

In your 30s everything goes naturally faster...as people know what they want and have had valuable experience about what they don't want.

She went through a lot of bullshot before. The last guy before her 'now' partner ws a total jerk with her.

Actually less than a year ago, she was very low and gave up on men.

That's when Mr Right stepped up.

When she least expected it...so when people say that you find love when you least expect it it's actually very true.

[Daniela]

Daniela, you're almost out of the woods. I assume from what you posted that you're dating guys your own age and yes, guys in their mid-twenties are, by and large, a bunch of monkeys. It's about to get better. Some guys become absolutely wonderful in their thirties.

but thats just it.. my dream has always been to marry young and have kids young.. all my friends r married and are having kids now. i'm pretty much the only single one left..

[sookie6]

but thats just it.. my dream has always been to marry young and have kids young.. all my friends r married and are having kids now. i'm pretty much the only single one left..

Daniela I understand your frustration but life has a way to teach you that plans do not always work out.

Life is not a race. And you should not compare yourself with friends, for all you know some might be divorced in a few years time.

[Daniela]

Perhaps you're still not going to the right places. If you have certain hobbies and you go where people with similar interests are, you should be able to do better. Keep at it and don't give up, the right guy is out there. Good luck!

well where is the right place to go?? i hardly go out these days as i'm over it plus i don't have many single girl friends left and the rest of my friends are guys. i won't exactly meet guys when i'm with male friends as they probably think i'm dating one of them.. i don't really go clubbing anymore plus most of the guys there r sleazy and way too young. i try and go to bars around my area but the problem there is that i know about 80% of the people there lol..