Hello,

This is my story & i apologize if it goes on a bit!

Me & my now ex fiance met whilst traveling. It took alot of hard work on my part to show her that i was a descent enough person to start up something serious although there was an instant attraction from both of us. We lived in the same hostel & eventually the same bed. After 6 months i was moving on & she agreed to come with me. During this 6 months we had built a very strong relationship even if the start had been a bit shakey as she was scared of starting something whilst traveling.

We moved on, just the two of us & although we had a brilliant time living in that hostel it was when we moved to another state that we really developed as a couple & soon agreed that we had never felt about anyone the way we felt about each other & was deeply in love. She never really had a long term boyfriend before & i had a few but never like this. I must point out that i'm now 31 & she's 27 if age matters? Although money was tight as it is when your travelling we had the best time of our lives together.

This went on for another 4/5 months but eventually her visa run out & it was time for her to go home. Mine did not expire for another 3 months & she understood that there was still things i wanted to do & see as she had been here for 2 years & me only the 1. We agreed this wasn't the end & we would meet up when i got home. This worked perfectly as we wasn't from the same country & would give her time to save some money & come visit. We kept in contact as much as possible after she left & the time soon came when i was going home & she would arrive 2 days later.

When we met again at the airport we hugged for ever & the 3 months apart went out the window. I was so glad to see her beautiful face again & she was too see me. We aggreed to do as much as possible to never be apart for so long again. We had a great month together, some in my country some in hers & all the feelings we had for each other were stronger than ever. I knew she was "the one" & i asked her to marry me, she said yes! we planned to live in london as she spoke perfect english.

As it turns out london was in the pits of recession at this time. I had a visa & job waiting for me in the country we was traveling & we discussed returning. I said i would only go if she came too to which she agreed. We knew it was going to hard as she had done her working visa so couldn't work but i was promised a sponsorship which would allow us both to stay & for her to work when it all went through.

So off i went, both knowing that it would be another few months before we see each other again so she could save as much money to help get by. Again we kept in conact pretty much every day & although it was horrible being apart from my now fiance we thought it was for the best.

The day arrived when she arrived & i picked her up from the airport, again we hugged forever happy to be in each others arms once more. Everything was good but infact looking back this is where the story goes south. A few months went by & i learnt that the sponsorship i was promised had fallen through, my fiance not being able to work & solely reliant on me became very depressed & started to loose herself although i tried to make it as easy as possible she's a very independent woman. I found another sponsor but by the time it all went through she had been unable to work for just over a year, i felt terrible & responsible for this situation. It played havoc with me emotionaly to see the woman i loved so much like this! as you can imagine this drove a wedge between us.

We eventually got our visas approved (mine before hers) of which she had to leave the country again to apply for but things were looking up. She found herself a job, only temporary but a jobs a job on the other hand my wages had been cut & was becoming very unhappy at work which i found hard to switch off from. I felt trapped as i was tied to this company & started to take it out on my fiance. Not phsyically as i would never raise a hand to a women, but emotionaly. We stopped communicating but never really argued which eventualy lead us to become more like roommates than marriage prospects. With my friends i was fine as this was my release from what was happening. She did try to tell me that she was unhappy but not as direct but it fell on deaf ears.

The day came when she had enough & told me she was leaving which took alot of bottle as she had no place to go & a contract at work that was soon to expire. She left & i honestly didn't see it coming ( i must of been blind) my mind was elsewhere. I agree that she did the right thing. It has woken me up to the fact that nothing is more important than the 1 you love, this is not the point of my telling this.

After she left, at first i was ok with it as my mind seemed still pre occupied but then the reality set in. She wasn't going to be there anymore, when i woke up she wouldn't be the firsrt thing i saw. I went into panic mode & tried everything to get her back, all the wrong things! I no that made it harder on both of us but in my eyes it was what i needed to do & now see it as me being selfish.

We eventually started to hang out as friends but her contract had finally ended & was finding it real difficult to get another job & i wanted to help as much as possible, maybe even trying to hard sometimes. Everytime i see her i would be her friend but also try to show her that she ment the world to me but I could see that she was loosing herself again & it was killing me to see her this way once more.

I picked her up from a job interview which she knew she had screwed up & i felt like her seeing me was just messing her head up even more as previously she had said every time she see's me it reminds her what she should have! I told her agian that i wanted her back but didn't want want to be a burden & maybe it would be better if we didn't have any contact for a month to which she said seemed like a good idea as she's not thinking about a relationship at the moment & doesn't want to keep my hopes up unnessecerely but needs to get her life back on track first then figure out exactly what we both want, i agreed.

This is my point, that month is up in just under 2 weeks & although its been tough i see it as what we needed, but what do i do. do i contact her? do i wait for her to contact me? when i previously asked if i would see her after the month she replied " i hope so" I'm finally starting to feel good about myself again & i fear if she says theres no chance of getting back together i would be back to square 1 & basically feeling rubbish again! I think about this everyday & sometimes think it would be better not to no & wait for this feeling of not knowing go away. I'm petrified!

so please any advise is warmly welcomed & i hope my story will open peoples eyes if its not too late theres nothing more important than the ones you love!

thank you