Need Some Advice

[smileyballer]

Ok, there is a bit of back story here, but I'll try to be as specific as possible, if you don't understand something or want more information just ask.

I met this girl at college like 2+ years ago. She is one year younger than I am. As I got to know her I started to really like her. Anyways, I have a condition called schizotypal personality disorder. I won't explain everything involved with that, just for this situation let's suffice to say that one of the things it does is make it very difficult for me in social situations, even more so when dealing with romantic ones. At this point we'd known each other for about a year. So I kept my true feelings inside and tried to ask her out countless times but failed to do so because I was nervous and backed down at the last minute. I would script out the situation I would be in and when and where I would ask her but I would always wimp out (for lack of a better term). If you've ever heard the song "When you walk in the room" by The Searchers, that's exactly how I felt. Finally one day I felt I was ready. The plan fell through though, and I thought "oh well, I guess I'll just have to wait until next time." But something inside wouldn't let me and I finally asked her. She said that she was not looking for a relationship right now. I was pretty devastated, but I figured stuff like this happens, I have to get over it.

Things went on as usual and it was kind of awkward after that but oh well. I tried to move on and forget about my feelings for her, but the more I tried, the more I realized that I am truly in love with her. I decided to write her a love letter. I am a fantastic writer, so I pulled out all the stops. I filled it with metaphors, imagery, heartfelt wording, etc. I never told her that I loved her though, something told me that would be a mistake at this point. So I sent the letter, but still got the same response: "I'm not looking for a relationship."

And so I said well I guess there's nothing I can do. I tried to forget about her. I graduated this past May, and went back to my hometown. On a side note, I will be going back to the same college for grad school in Fall of 2011. Anyways, summer went along and I met some new people. This one girl kind of liked me and we had some chemistry, so I decided to start talking with her, it might help me get over my love. New girl was super cute and had the same interests as me so it was a good situation. However no matter how hard I tried I could not develop feelings for her. I always had my love in the back of my mind. So I told the new girl that I couldn't pursue anything with her because I love someone else, and it wouldn't be fair to her or myself.

Now it's fall, the girl I love is back in school, a senior, and I'm in my hometown. I'm still head over heels in love with her, even more so every day. I can't even think about being with anyone else, she's the only one for me. I still have this elaborate fantasy in my head that I will go back for grad school there and she will end up going to grad school there too, and then we'll get together. Thing is I don't know if she will be going there for grad school or somewhere else. Meanwhile it kills me every day that I don't know this, and I can't see her or talk to her.

I have only one last thing up my sleeve, and that is to tell her the truth. That I love her and always will. That I can't stop thinking about her. That I can't live without her. That I would do anything to be with her, no matter how much it hurts me, embarrasses me, etc. I don't know if this is a mistake though, which is why I've come here, for advice. Any comments, suggestions, etc. are very much appreciated.

[Faithful`]

Hmm seems like ur in a real tight spot. Personally, if i was in ur position, i would be honest and put myself out there. Sure u might get hurt, but then again u might b surprised. If anything, u would at least put a smile on her face by letting her know that there is 1 person out there that has cared about her so much.

On the other hand, u might come to find that she has changed from when u last saw her and she is no longer the woman u love so much. Either way i think it is worth ur while approaching her and confronting it head on. Overcome ur fear! If personal confrontation is too much, maybe a letter would be a better option.

[Faithful`]

Hmm seems like ur in a real tight spot. Personally, if i was in ur position, i would be honest and put myself out there. Sure u might get hurt, but then again u might b surprised. If anything, u would at least put a smile on her face by letting her know that there is 1 person out there that has cared about her so much.

On the other hand, u might come to find that she has changed from when u last saw her and she is no longer the woman u love so much. Either way i think it is worth ur while approaching her and confronting it head on. Overcome ur fear! If personal confrontation is too much, maybe a letter would be a better option.

Keep us updated!

[MerryH]

I'm sorry, but no, this isn't going to work.

You've already put yourself out there twice with this girl, and each time she turned you down. She's not going to change her mind because you professed your love. You're bordering on being really creepy. I hope you can get through this because your obsession with her is unhealthy. Good luck.