why is pot turning me off so much?

[jr1990]

Kdkdkkdkdkdkkk

[googeter]

Loosen up mate! Let her have her fun (as long as she remains faithful), or risk losing her forever. Don't forget that you cannot control her life. You have already told her it bothers you when she does it, so if she keeps doing it you shouldn't keep reminding her, since that would be suffocating her. I know you care for her well-being, but let it be. Let her do what she wants, that way she can still knows you care as much as you always did, but at the same time you will not be stanidng in the way of her fun.
Hope that helps!

[jr1990]

I think it bothers me because she pretty much told me she needed it to relax which is not a good thing because it might start out being a rare occurance, but if she feels like she needs it, it could lead to addiction

[justcheckin]

dude its just pot its not like its cocaine. Its not going to change who she is as a person. ur best bet is to let her explore it. If you try to keep her from doing it she will just want to do it more. chances are she wont turn into cheech and chong. Its not THAT bad man, haha. At least she didnt come home wiht a crack rock.

[RdHrshyKss]

jr, how often does she smoke pot? pot is not physically addicting like cocaine or other hardcore drugs, but it can become psychologically addictive if she is using it for the wrong reasons. i myself have issues with anxiety and stress and would turn to pot as a way to relax. although i agree that pot is not that dangerous and should be treated like someone having a couple beers or smoking a cigarette, i don't agree with people using it to avoid their problems. but what you need to understand is that the more you confront her about it bothering you, the more insecure she will feel about it and the more she will fight you on it. she needs to want to acknowledge her issues herself before she can make any type of progress. i haven't smoked in a few weeks and it has definitely opened up my perspective on things. weed clouds the mind, it's a way to ignore reality. i think the best thing you can do is be supportive. don't bring up the smoking weed thing. she needs to figure that part out on her own. take her out, keep her busy so that she doesn't have the time to smoke. and when you're with her, let her know that you are there for her. that if she has anything on her mind that is stressing her out or making her feel anxious that you are there to listen...to absorb some of that stress with her so that she doesn't feel alone. that's the best thing you can do as her boyfriend.

i'm 25, and it's taken me a decent amount of time to come to grips with my issues. the only way she can start to open up is if she can learn to trust you. it takes lots of time and patience, especially if she has a pretty heavy past of issues trusting men. i was in the same boat. i've been in my fair share of relationships and in the end i always ended up projecting my issues on my boyfriend. i've been insecure since i can remember and have let my insecurities interfere with my relationships. hopefully, over time, she will learn to trust you. but like i said, you need to be extremely patient. she will try to test you over and over to see if you really are trustworthy. you might go through a lot of shit with her, but being supportive through all of it will really help her. she won't be able to blame you for anything if you are always calm and there for her when she is in her most vulnerable moments. she might try to blame you in her mind, to reduce the guilt she will feel, but if you stay strong through it all, she will eventually break and realize that it is all in her head. hopefully at that point, she will begin to acknowledge her issues and make active steps to work on them. and you need to be there for her through that too. if you aren't, she will go right back into her introverted ways to protect herself and all that progress will be lost.

it's really rough, and i can't guarantee that it will definitely work because she is still young, and young people tend to be extremely stubborn. i'm 25 and i still have issues with this. but if you truly love her, the best you can do is be there for her no matter what...and eventually that trust will grow. however, i don't think that you should deal with too much without there being visible progress. if you feel like she is taking advantage of you, you should assert yourself and let her know that you are independent and that you are choosing to stay with her because you love her, but that you can easily leave if you feel your love is being taken advantage of or is being under appreciated. support her, but be sure to support yourself as well...your needs are important too and they can't go ignored or you will resent her. you need to find a balance.

[Poetic_Partner]

If you're very uncomfortable with it then she either needs to stop or the relationship needs to end.

Think of it like this. If someone has OCD that's driving the other person nuts (ie "but I need to tap a quarter on the window all night to relax"), then either A needs to get help controlling their compulsions or B needs to leave. Same here. Ideally your lover should not rely on chemicals to relax.

-PP

[RdHrshyKss]

no she shouldn't, but it's a lot more complicated than just giving an ultimatum. an ultimatum wouldn't really work in this situation because there is an underlying reason why she is using weed to relax. i think that confronting her about it will only make the problem worse. if he cares for her, he should be more interested in trying to help her figure out what the underlying cause is, rather than just attacking the superficial problem: her smoking weed. you need to get at the actual cause and not the symptom.