Looking for some advice please??

[mindreader]

Hi all, im new here i thought i would register to see if i can get some help with my situation?

Ok here goes, i have been seeing the same girl for 13 years and we got married last August 2009, now we have had our ups and downs as many relationships do, some of the things that have happened have been pretty bad however i have tried to ignore them as i loved her. A few examples of these problems have been ~ fights with my family, she has kissed a few people behind my back but she did tell me this about this the following day (3 times), doing pretty crazy things when drunk, attacking me etc....

Now after all this time together i took the decision to leave her a month ago and stay back at my mothers which is not ideal but i have decided enough is enough, we also have little girl who is the love of my life and its breaking my heart to be away from her although i do see her almost every day.

Now my dilemma is this, she keeps saying she will change and that she wants me to go back and try again. Now here comes the messy bit, i have since met a beautiful girl who i really get on with and can really open up to and she has been nothing but nice to me since i met her, she says she would totally understand if i went back with my wife but i feel now i have made the decision which has been the hardest of my life i just cant go back to her only for things to get out of hand again further down the line.

I have got really fond of this other girl so my head is all over the place with what is the best action to take in these circumstances, now i dont want people to think that my relationship with my wife ended because of this other girl as this is not the case but i am confused and wouldnt mind some feedback on what i should do in this situation??

Any advice would be most appreciated?

Thanks.

[Boisdevie]

She kissed other people behind your back.
She attacked you.

And she claims that she will change?
NO WAY.
She will not change. Unless you enjoy being a victim you have to leave her.

[smackie9]

Yes there is a way to fix this. For one, your lack of communication and your avoidance of dealing with the issues in your marriage has put you in this position. Marriage is damn hard work. Second your wife has to stop drinking. A lot of the issues seems to start with her drinking. Lastly you both need to go to couples counseling so you both can learn to communicate with each other, work out your problems and be a happy family.

[devonbrown]

Whether you return to your wife or not, you should realize that this new woman is not likely to be around for long. She is a rebound, even if you don't think she is. She isn't a conscious rebound, but she is exactly what you needed when you needed it. And, with all due respect to her, she shouldn't even be in a conversation about what to do with your wife. You have known this new woman for a short time and your wife for over 13 years. You need to resolve things with your wife first.

And make sure it is about you and your wife. Don't get back together just for your daughter. She will see through that. She would rather see both her parents happy and apart than both miserable and together.

[mindreader]

Thanks guys for the feedback, it has now emerged that my wife has been thinking of ending it for a while but just hasn't had the bottle to do it, so this i feel has made the decision easier.

In terms of this new girl, i feel she may be someone i have been drawn to as things have not been great in my relationship, although i think i quite like her i honestly dont think she feels the same. I think i will need to call it off with her aswell and give myself some time to find another partner who i can get to know without anything else going on in the background.

Thank you for your advice, i will keep you guys updated if anything changes on the matter.