Complications with old friends

[ozrk76]

This one is rather complicated, so stick with me everybody.

So about a year and a half ago, my best friend started dating his now ex-girlfriend. I started out liking her (as a friend), and after a while, she started to make him miserable, and vice versa. I was happy to see that nearly a year after their dating, they finally broke up, my best friend being the one to initiate it, and I think both were happier as a result. I tried to be a friend to both of them, as I was going to be going to the same college as his ex next year anyway (and oddly enough, we ended up on the same floor).

Now a few months have gone by, and we’ve started to become good friends. Now she is in a relationship in college, and I think I’m starting to develop some feelings for her. What the hell do I do? I don’t want to break up her current relationship and at the same time feel like I’m betraying my best friend by dating his ex. But I’m starting to feel pretty strongly as we’ve been talking about some problems both of us have had that we don’t discuss with anyone else. I can tell she definitely wants to be friends with me and nothing more, but I don’t think I can take that. What do I do? Do I leave her alone completely; tell her how I feel, or what? I’m entirely lost, and this is making it impossible to concentrate on my school work.

Thank you so much for your help, honestly any advice you guys can give I cannot thank you enough for.

[MerryH]

If you really can't remain friends with her, then why don't you just be honest with her and tell her basically what you told us here. Say, "I'm starting to have feelings for you, but due to a number of reasons, don't see anything ever happening with us, so to preserve my sanity, I think it's best that we see less of each other from now on."

[reeba]

First, you do not date your best friend's ex without their permission.

Second, why do you think you are going to break up her current relationship if you tell her you have feelings for her. Pretty egotistical.

If she was interested in you, she most likely would not have started another relationship.

My gut feeling is to leave her be.

[ozrk76]

Thanks for your advice guys. Also to reeba, I've never had any belief she would break up her current relationship, I've never even hoped for it. And thank you Merry I'll talk to her soon. Not going to be easy to do this I imagine. Thanks for your advice.

[ozrk76]

Well it took a hell of a lot of bourbon, but I told her, in case anybody was wondering. I doubt she cares, but I think she might have meant so much to me. More alcohol will get me through this I hope. At least I've got a handle of whiskey.