I came here for one reason... I would like feed back on the following conversation. I know it's a bit long but please let me know what you think. I do not want to say if I am the guy or the girl in this case... but I am one of these two people.
Girl cancels Christmas plans with her boyfriend two weeks prior. claiming her family time is too important and she doesn't want to have any part of it compromised or shortened by trying to plan things with boy. Boy understands and agrees to said plan.
girl 12/24 11:44pm: I really want Christmas sex.
girl 12/24 11:46PM: With you. Not sure if that was clear...
boy 12/24 11:49pm: Oh lol good with me is best.
boy 12/24 11:51pm: Tomorrow night we could I think.
girl 12/24 11:51pm: oh babe. Lol.
boy 12/24 11:52pm: We might fall asleep soon. Going to wake up early.
girl 12/24 11:53pm: Oh yeah? Like noon?
boy 12/24 11:54pm: LOL no babe.
girl 12/24 11:56pm: babe
boy 12/24 12:00pm: Yes babe?
girl 12/24 11:59pm: Is there love?
boy 12/24 12:00pm: Yes very much
girl 12/24 12:00am: I wish we were in bed together
boy 12/24 12:17pm: Miss you too.
girl 12/24 12:18am: Have a fun day tomorrow. Merry Christmas.
boy 12/24 12:19pm: You too love. Merry christmas.
girl 12/24 12:19am: Love you forever
boy 12/24 12:25pm: Love you forever too.
-------------------------------------------------------
girl 12/25 12:43pm: Are you going to Napa now?
boy 12/25 12:43pm: driving.
girl 12/25 12:45pm: Cool. Coming home tonight or just staying there?
boy 12/25 12:48pm: Yes coming home I believe.
girl 12/25 1:20pm: Lol You have no idea how much goodness you are missing out on. I'm the best cook sometimes.
boy 12/25 1:51pm: Sounds super tasty. You are an awesome cook!
girl 12/25 1:57pm: I'm opening tomorrow and then my dad is going to take the car apart to get my earrings. See you tomorrow night?
boy 12/25 2:00pm: That is fine. Sounds good. See you then.
girl 12/25 2:06pm: Are you mad?
boy 12/25 2:10pm: No babe. Of course not.
girl 12/25 2:13pm: Okay. Let me know if you end up coming home early ish today. I'd love to snuggle.
boy 12/25 2:14pm: Okay love. Me to!
girl 12/25 2:15pm: <3
girl 12/25 6:00pm: Guess seeing you today is out of the window. Glad everyone made out well. Night.
boy 12/25 6:01pm: You are going to sleep?
boy 12/25 6:05pm: Oh well I guess you are. Glad you made out well. Good night love.
girl 12/25 6:11pm: No, but since you decided not to come home I won't be seeing you tonight.
girl 12/25 6:15pm: Would've been nice to know much earlier. Could've started some things hours ago if I wasn't waiting.
girl 12/25 6:15pm: Either way. Have a nice night bye.
boy 12/25 6:21pm: Never said I would be home right now. Simply said I was not spending the night in Napa.
girl 12/25 6:32pm: Oh I know, but you implied that we would visit today. If that wasn't going to happen it would've been courteous to say that.
boy 12/25 6:34pm: I never implied that. I implied that if I ended up coming home early I would let you know.
girl 12/25 6:36pm: Actually, you did. I said something about christmas sex and your exact response was 'that will probably happen tomorrow'. That implies that you would be here.
girl 12/25 6:37pm: Did you forget that you said that?
boy 12/25 6:37pm: Yes tomorrow I will be there.
girl 12/25 6:38pm: You said that to me yesterday, boy. Tomorrow is now.
boy 12/25 6:40pm: You cancelled our plans for tonight and set them for tomorrow.
girl 12/25 6:42pm: How do you figure? I specifically told you that I could not visit tomorrow because I was busy. And christmas sex only happens on christmas.
girl 12/25 6:46pm: And after telling you about my plans I sent a text basically saying text me when you're on your way because want to snuggle. To which you replied 'me too'
boy 12/25 6:53pm: "girl: I'm opening tomorrow and then my dad is going to take the car apart to get my earrings. See you tomorrow night?"
boy 12/25 6:56pm: I would love to snuggle. And? It is why I was going to tell you if I got home early.
girl 12/25 6:58pm: Yeah. See you tomorrow night is making plans for late at night versus earlier. We had plans for today too.
boy 12/25 6:59pm: Well cool so you are still on for tomorrow night?
girl 12/25 7:01pm: No, not now because you blew me off today and are making excuses for it.
boy 12/25 7:01pm: Lol Whatever.
girl 12/25 7:03pm: Really not whatever. It's Christmas and we made a plan yesterday to spend some time together. You've made an error and broken the plan and you don't even care.
boy 12/25 7:05pm: I appreciate that you want to see me. However your logic is seriously flawed. Not even going to debate over it. I will be headed back to sac soon.That is the update.
girl 12/25 7:08pm: I'm very thankful for the gifts, but I'm unwilling to allow these problems with you to continue, esp since you're so unapologetic. Lets separate now.
boy 12/25 7:09pm: Okay if thats what you want. Good night.
girl 12/25 7:11pm: You're a nice person, just not the one for me. Please let me. good night.
boy 12/25 7:37pm: Well I am on the road. If you are done being pissy it would be nice to see you. You can leave in 30 minutes and get there when I do.
girl 12/25 7:39pm: I don't think so. I think you're very special, but i'm tired of feeling disappointed so often and making you unhappy in the process. We don't work together.
boy 12/25 7:41pm: I think you are being very difficult.
boy 12/25 7:42pm: You should quit being lame and get ready.
girl 12/25 7:47pm:I'm sorry. I wish you would understand that I'm being serious.
boy 12/25 7:49pm: Well I will be home in less than an hour.
girl 12/25 7:49pm: Also, I wrote when I did because it's too late at night for that. I was expecting either a text around five or to see you then. Wouldn't come out there anyway.
boy 12/25 7:51pm: No clue why you were expecting that.
girl 12/25 7:52pm: because that is a reasonable time of day to see someone when I have to wake up at four.
boy 12/25 7:53pm: We never talked about that and you know it.
girl 12/25 7:56pm: No, we never specified a time. However, you knew that I had to open tomorrow. Driving out an hour or so in the middle of the night on christmas? No way.
girl 12/25 7:56pm: Also, which is it? Did you think the plans were cancelled or not? Your story is going back and forth.
boy 12/25 7:56pm: I didn't even get to my sisters house until 3 o'clock.
girl 12/25 7:57pm: So? You didn't bother to inform me when those plans started. And two hours is a reasonable amount of time to spend there.
boy 12/25 7:59pm: This would require me to know we had plans for tonight. Which we did not. Doesn't mean I didn't want to see you.
girl 12/25 7:59pm: I would prefer not to speak with you about this anymore. Please let me enjoy my holiday without the nonsense and excuses. Leave me alone.
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27-12-10, 04:00 AM #1
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Please let me know what you think?
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27-12-10, 04:00 AM #2
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I am very much looking forward to your replys.
thank you in advance.
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27-12-10, 05:05 AM #3
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I see you've been a bit of an ass there. I'd suggest either not giving a damn, like you've done up to this point, or apologizing and taking the full blame. I guess it depends on her personality and how much she wants to break up with you.
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27-12-10, 05:26 AM #4
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It seems that the girl needs to work some more with her communication skills or at least with her thought projection. Also, she is overreacting unless this sort of thing happens a lot.
The boy on the other hands needs to learn that he must apologize to her even if it's not his fault. Simply proving her wrong does not cut it.
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27-12-10, 07:18 AM #5
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thank you guys!
any other opinions?
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27-12-10, 09:23 AM #6
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This is my very first post here...
I have a hunch you may be the boy...either way I need to know:
Originally Posted by j707
-Are you both in a declared monogamous relationship?
-How old are you both? (believe it or not it has bearing)
See, if the boy had respected what he was told concerning the girl's plans to spend her Christmas with her Originally Posted by j707
family it wouldn't have been a "claim." To her, it was the right thing to do. I do understand how the boy would feel
BUT the issue I see right off the bat is: a complete lack of thorough and concise communication from both parties involved
and I haven't yet read the text.
I don't know why the time stamp goes from 115Xpm to 12XXpm??? Originally Posted by j707
girl 12/24 11:44pm: I really want Christmas sex.
girl 12/24 11:46PM: With you. Not sure if that was clear...
boy 12/24 11:49pm: Oh lol good with me is best.
boy 12/24 11:51pm: Tomorrow night we could I think.
girl 12/24 11:51pm: oh babe. Lol.
boy 12/24 11:52pm: We might fall asleep soon. Going to wake up early.
girl 12/24 11:53pm: Oh yeah? Like noon?
boy 12/24 11:54pm: LOL no babe.
girl 12/24 11:56pm: babe
boy 12/24 12:00pm: Yes babe?
girl 12/24 11:59pm: Is there love?
boy 12/24 12:00pm: Yes very much
girl 12/24 12:00am: I wish we were in bed together
boy 12/24 12:17pm: Miss you too.
girl 12/24 12:18am: Have a fun day tomorrow. Merry Christmas.
boy 12/24 12:19pm: You too love. Merry christmas.
girl 12/24 12:19am: Love you forever
boy 12/24 12:25pm: Love you forever too.
Anyway from the start she waited 2 minutes to say with you, and I can see
how it could make you feel awkward, but also consider she may have (implied) with you.
You didn't give us a background of your relationship status at that time, nor divulged the particulars of
your relationship... Her asking "is there love" tells me she is insecure either out of low self esteem
OR: it's a mirrored reflection of your strained relationship in that the distance you've projected onto her
has become glaringly evident, now more than ever...steadily reaching its climax.
Please read: Originally Posted by j707
SHE had stated she *wants* Christmas sex.
SHE opens tomorrow morning (12/26) which tells me the window for this to take place is contingent upon
YOU doing your part and making the effort to meet. How did you figure Christmas sex was to take place?
Both parties are at fault here. You went to Napa...She was fine with that but wanted to know when you're coming
back...why? For Christmas sex. You said coming home, "I believe" which denotes uncertainty.
Instead of engaging in the conversation about her cooking you simply agree with her that she is an awesome cook
but you don't seem too involved with what she is cooking. A woman picks up on this fyi. At the end of this
she (by her own texts) seemed to understand you may not be home, so she tells you (in question form) she wants to
see you tomorrow night and you agree-the first time I have witnessed one make a plan, and the other agree to it...
It seems you either omitted more text messages to enhance your point of view OR? Originally Posted by j707
She is unstable and needs to always end things on perfect positive notes or constant reassurance
(either due to her own issues OR your actions being the catalyst)
2 things here...
(1) SHE does not define "early-ish" so how can YOU know what that means?
So I have to ask...How many times did she "open" for her father in the past and at what time(s) did she open
AND, at what time did she go to bed the previous night? This will answer the "implication" you should have been more
keen on knowing what early-ish meant.
(2) YOU did not tell her at about what time you would leave respective towards the driving time, traffic
and overall time frame it would take to get to her location. Both parties here are guilty.
What did you mean by "Glad you made out well?" Originally Posted by j707
I guess we now know what time she meant was early-ish...At or before 6PM that day...
(1) Nearly 4 hours have gone by and YOU did not call her to tell her where you were at, nor IF you were coming. Originally Posted by j707
(2) SHE didn't call you to follow up and see why you chose not to go...
(3) SHE was admittedly bummed out about it, as she should be, however SHE didn't call you and instead sent you a text.
(4) SHE has a problem with taking responsibility for her actions just like YOU doesn't take responsibility for your actions.
You are dead wrong here guy. Originally Posted by j707
You not only implied it, you said it!!!
READ: girl 12/25 1:57pm: I'm opening tomorrow and then my dad is going to take the car apart to get my earrings. See you tomorrow night?
boy 12/25 2:00pm: That is fine. Sounds good. See you then.
Did you see that?
However THEN she says this: girl 12/25 2:13pm: Okay. Let me know if you end up coming home early ish today. I'd love to snuggle. Then...you say:
boy 12/25 2:14pm: Okay love. Me to!
If you did not know she was waiting for you, THIS is the proof she was, but then she gave you
an easy (cop) out when she says "let me know IF..."
Once again both of you are at fault here.
...And she would be correct. it just begs the question why did you overlook this fact? Originally Posted by j707
THIS ^^^ is YOU not taking responsibility for your actions and then B-laming your girl for it! Originally Posted by j707
She didn't cancel, but you didn't care enough to ask her what time should you be there! This denotes
you didn't put ANY sort of thought into seeing her. Your thoughts mean nothing...Your actions DO. You did not act.
YOU never said *IF* you got home early. Look again. You thought you did. You did not. Originally Posted by j707
Now she is making you pay the price for your choice in not consummating Christmas sex Originally Posted by j707
(regardless of time and regardless if this is right) -which I know it isn't.
Reciprocity is what most women demand. I love you? I love you too. Anything less and she may feel
there is a problem within the relationship. It wasn't right what she did no excuses.
However consider you just said "whatever" which means, "I don't really GAS." (to your girl)
It almost sounds to me like you wanted to make HER pay the price for choosing her family over you.
What else is there to say? Originally Posted by j707
SHE is irrational and emotional.
YOU are selfish and insensitive.
Should you disagree please re-read this quoted post until it sinks in.
Calling people names (especially a girl?) just shows your character, dude...really. Originally Posted by j707
She is really supposed to stop being "prissy" and leave in 30mins to see you? (lol)
What I had suspected. This certainly couldn't have been the 1st time you acted out like a child Originally Posted by j707
and it shows. No woman should be treated like this with petty insults and ad homimem attack.
She realized you weren't good together and made the right choice but it seems your ego had trouble
realizing this.
THIS: isn't true, unconditional love. Originally Posted by j707
THIS: is abuse and should never be tolerated.
Originally Posted by j707
Don't take this as a personal attack because for starters:
Your actions and opinions are just extensions of who you are. They aren't YOU, make sense?
Your actions suck, your treatment of women suck and the way you avoid accountability is just horrendous.
The same goes for the girl, or anyone in life. You have the capacity for humility, selflessness, compassion, empathy
and true unconditional love. The key lies with affirmation and I never saw you do this first/take initiative.Last edited by SelflessnHumble; 27-12-10 at 09:32 AM.
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27-12-10, 09:28 AM #7
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It sounds like a couple of 18 year olds acting like immature 18 year olds. When you grow up, this is how you do things "I'd really like Christmas sex." "Me too.. I'm not sure when I'll be home, though... " "Well, let me know when you're leaving." "Okay!" "Hey, I just left.. probably home in ___.. if you're still wanting to meet up, I'd love to, otherwise I'll see you soon."
Kk? Great.
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27-12-10, 10:25 AM #8
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You are correct, I am the male.You are dead wrong here guy.
You not only implied it, you said it!!!
READ: girl 12/25 1:57pm: I'm opening tomorrow and then my dad is going to take the car apart to get my earrings. See you tomorrow night?
boy 12/25 2:00pm: That is fine. Sounds good. See you then.
She works at star bucks.. Take close attention to the date. 12/15 this means "tomorrow" is 12/26
She canceled all plans until 12/26
I really really appreciate your in depth analysis of this conversation. It is exactly what I wanted.
I just feel like you didn't follow the conversation well mostly because everything was out of context.
1. she called off plans for christmas with me. This because she has the hardest time making flexible plans. She likes exact times and I really didn't know what my family was doing or when. Thus she got frustrated and said that we would not spend any time together to avoid conflict. She really didn't want to come see me early before I left town to see my family because she didn't want to compromise her time with her family. The final plan was no visit.
2. as an after thought she suggested the possibility of Christmas sex. Like I said to her I was not going to spend the night out of town. I was planning to come home. albeit I didn't know what time but eventually I would be home opening the door for late night sex. I didn't know at this point she was going to open at star bucks the next day.
3. She hits me with the news that she has to work early on 12/26 so late night sex is out of the question. She apparently made a plan for the eve of 12/26 instead of christmas night. However, she left the door open for christmas day/eve if I ended up getting home early enough. I told her I would let her know if I did end up getting home early but I never committed to it.
4. suddenly at 6:00 she flips out telling me that I broke our deal. News to me. she dumps me on christmas day for visiting with my family out of town after she called off christmas twice on me.
5. she then proceeds to tell me that 2 hours is enough time to spend with my family when she wouldn't have anything less than all day with hers. no ifs ands or buts.
with all of this I really don't see where you are coming from with your overall evaluation.Last edited by j707; 27-12-10 at 10:28 AM.
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27-12-10, 10:26 AM #9
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I totally agree with this. I always feel like this is how things should go with her.. however, they really do. I just can't seem to manage it to work out this way. UGH..drives me crazy too. Originally Posted by Gratedwasabi
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27-12-10, 11:05 AM #10
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This I'm having trouble understanding. Originally Posted by j707
You say she likes exact dates but you couldn't giver her any, I understand that.
Then you say 12/15 when the beginning date of the texts was the 24th, Christmas Eve.
If you are talking about the time frame when she said she had wanted Christmas sex...Christmas sex
means: ON CHRISTMAS bud! It doesn't mean Christmas eve sex, or the day after Christmas sex, right?
She didn't cancel anything UNTIL you didn't call her! -In fact she had to text YOU "I guess you're not coming...goodnight."
-Which is why you replied, "already going sleep?" Because she had to be asleep early, to wake up early.
No problem. My core function is resolving things in the easiest way possible which means revealing truths. Originally Posted by j707
I read everything that pertained to who was saying it.
Please cite where she canceled "Christmas" plans with you??? Originally Posted by j707
Are you confusing Christmas vacation with Christmas day?
Nobody likes wishy washy people and the fact she takes a pragmatic approach towards time management tells me
she is doing her best to budget her time accordingly, to meet you for Christmas sex, or for other activities.
You on the other hand make flexible plans which just means piss-poor planning, do you deny this?
If you didn't honestly know what your family was doing and when you "should" have done 2 things:
(1) Sit down with your family and tell them you want to see your girl on Christmas and you would really appreciate it if they
could approximate what time they are doing which activities this way you can then:
(2) Let your girl know what your family has decided so that she could be just as understanding about you spending time with
your family...just as YOU were understanding she wanted to be with her family...make sense?
If she didn't choose to come and see you before you were to have left:
Then you right there should reassess your relationship with a person who treats you 2nd to her family.
if she is fine with it, but you disagree with it, then you have a legitimate concern to address to her. (whether or not
it is "right" or wrong. It is how you feel)
IF she invalidates your feeling because of her own reasoning then it stands to serve as a reminder that you two
should not be in a committed relationship.
You should have written a summarized version of what had happened because Originally Posted by j707
I don't see the "after thought" of Christmas sex when the opening line states:
"girl cancels Christmas plans 2 weeks prior." You were seemingly O.k. with this because if you weren't you
did not communicate this to her. If she basically said I can only be with you or my family and I choose you
because I can't multi-task my time that is one thing.
This is not the way she had taken it, so it appears you misappropriated what was said. Originally Posted by j707
She didn't hit you with anything. Had you been diligent you would have found this out long before the events
of that day had transpired. She didn't tell you until late...but at the same time you didn't ask:
Both parties are guilty of lack of communication. No, you didn't say you would let her know.
SHE told you to let her know if you did end up getting home early. READ it again.
You also avoided what I had stated earlier. Read it again.
I'm sorry you see it this way but it's not why she did it. Originally Posted by j707
There are many reasons why and even more that I can see based on how you talk to her when you either don't get
your way OR don't like what you're told...Regardless you shouldn't seek validation of your behavior when
you don't even see what you did/said. Both of you need to learn how to communicate effectively.
I already told you your thoughts mean NOTHING. Only your actions. Don't worry about other people.
Worry about yourself and take responsibility for what you did, no matter who is to blame or not.
THIS is how to grow.
Pointing the finger is how to circumvent accountability.
I completely see your point of view, I really do, but this is what happens when you fail to communicate your intentions, Originally Posted by j707
your thoughts and plans into words. You allowed her to dictate how your Christmas was going to go, (her citing her family as a priority over you) you either failed to communicate your families plans or didn't convey that you didn't know what they were
but in either case you allowed her to control the situation, and then punish you for it.
I don't think it's right, but neither were the two of you right for one another.
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27-12-10, 11:07 AM #11
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haven't read your whole post yet but first things first the 12/15 was a typo it is 12/25
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27-12-10, 11:20 AM #12
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As far as her canceling christmas plans with me. The original cancellation happened several weeks before any of these text messages transpired.
okay lets humor you and her, and say there were clear plans for christmas night sex. (which there were not, it was merely up in the air)
However given following...
How does that mean anything other than , " hey I can't see you tonight. Tomorrow night will be better" ?????girl 12/25 1:57pm: I'm opening tomorrow and then my dad is going to take the car apart to get my earrings. See you tomorrow night?
boy 12/25 2:00pm: That is fine. Sounds good. See you then.
She was telling me that all late night Christmas possibilities are off the table.
She wanted to let me know that if I did happen to come back early enough that I could still contact her and perhaps we could work something out but otherwise tomorrow is better.
So I went off and proceeded to enjoy my evening with my family pleased to know that I would see her the next day.
Of course I was surprised when I get text messages talking about how I dropped the ball. Come on...Last edited by j707; 27-12-10 at 11:23 AM.
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27-12-10, 11:33 AM #13
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you're still mixing up times, and events and everything else. It's clear that you still don't understand what happened. Some of that could be my fault. I will make a much more simple timeline.
1. two weeks before christmas. Deal was made between us that we would NOT spend Christmas together. Thus all day at my family, and her all day with her family. EACH AWAY FROM ONE ANOTHER. Thus no plan for me to be with her during the day or eve. reasons why we made this plan are irrelevant at this point really.
2. (the first text shown above) on Dec 24th she says she wants christmas sex. This means after I spend the day with my family she wants to come over late and see me at my house. but the deal was "probably" even here. not definitely
3. she calls off the late night possibility of Christmas sex. because she discovers that she will have to be at work very early at starbucks, .. but she keeps the door open for an earlier Christmas engagement if it just so happens that I show up early enough for it. NO PLAN ... just an if you show up early agreement. However a deal was struck for DEC 26 sex (if you will)
4. suddenly at 6:00PM dec 25 while I am enjoy my families company (as discussed and planned) she starts texting me and telling me how I did her dirty by not being at home waiting for her already. then she breaks up with me..
I hope it's more clear this time.Last edited by j707; 27-12-10 at 11:43 AM.
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28-12-10, 03:08 AM #14
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You know what...I completely see your point of view, I really really do. But... Originally Posted by j707
As far as her canceling christmas plans with me. The original cancellation happened several weeks before any of these text messages transpired.
okay lets humor you and her, and say there were clear plans for christmas night sex. (which there were not, it was merely up in the air)
However given following:
boy 12/25 2:00pm: That is fine. Sounds good. See you then. Originally Posted by girl
How does that mean anything other than , " hey I can't see you tonight. Tomorrow night will be better" ?????
Let's take care of things in chronological order k?
She canceled Christmas plans with you before the texts were ever sent, I got that.
Right there on ^^^ you allowed her to have it all her way without you voicing how you feel
Christmas should have been planned, however since you didn't know what your parents were doing (as you had stated)
what should she have done in this situation when she had already told you she didn't want to juggle time between
seeing you and her parents, coupled to the fact she likes exact times (evident by her texts) while you had stated she
did not like flexible time frames?
No matter what, I still feel she should have made more time for you
and it seemed like the only thing she was willing to give up was "sex" as some sort of offering to appease what
she had done-choosing her family while giving you "the left overs." (of time) I've had this done time and time again
so I know how it feels. You have to speak up and voice how you feel when she felt she could decide for the both of you.
Now, let's get to your first 4 texts that were exchanged just minutes before Christmas Day:
Whether or not you realized what time it was...Stating on Christmas Eve THIS ^^^ Originally Posted by j707
means Christmas Day in the evening. She didn't ask....You didn't tell so like I said...Both parties are guilty of
mis-communicating their intentions. I'm not sure why you need affirmation of being right but I can see how
saying this "implies" the evening as in 6, 7, 8, 9 up to say 11pm. There is early evening (5pm) then there is late
in the evening 9-10+ but nothing was ever solidified by either party...
-Now we get to the next plan (NOT the first: which was several weeks ago)
-Not the 2nd plan (which was planned for Christmas Day "sex.")
-But finally we get to the 3rd plan: when she states she has to open tomorrow night and
OOPS! If the text is unaltered...please accept my apology because I misread what was written!
The thing I see though (and I see why you feel what you do) it doesn't make sense for her
to say that when in the very next line she says:
This kinda sorta tells me you should have says wait, wut? and should have asked her to clarify. Originally Posted by girl
Only because it doesn't make sense to me if this was written to me in a text I'd have called her
to ask her exactly what she meant to avoid any confusion.
Yeah, I can see what you're saying here. Originally Posted by j707
and again I'm sorry for misreading that.
This is why I don't text, I call especially when plans are this big and both your families are priorities ya know?
My girlfriend constantly miscommunicates all the time!!!
You know what I do?
I nip it in the butt and I tell her that it's not making any sense to me and I'd appreciate a more detailed reply
so I can better understand what it is you're wanting to tell me...
I feel you're both better off without one another.
Communication is key and unfortunately while it sucks she chose her family over you
(which is understandable to an extent) from her texts she did in fact break plans with you more than twice
yet she punished you for it.
Still, it would have been good of you to tell her:
"You know my family lives XXX miles away and I'd love to spend Christmas with them so
this is what I'm going to do...I will be with my family on Christmas day, and you have decided to be with yours
so it works out. Maybe you and I can get together the day after, k? (then you'd let her know when you would be free)
then you would ask her when she would be free -then make the plan.
The fact she said she wanted Christmas sex should have sparked your reply:
I'd love to, but I can't because I will be with my family all day.
Then you could have said: BUT, I will be free after say 6pm, 7pm (or whatever time)
Then ask: would that be ok with you?
THEN if she said it would be too late this is where (to me) I'd put my foot down and tell her:
You know I was understanding when you said you wanted to spend Christmas with your family
and was even more understanding when you broke our plans the first time. Then you did it again
and I was still ok with it because I care about you (when she had asked you if you were mad)
But now that I'm willing to leave my family a little bit earlier than planned, because I
wanted to make time for you so we could still be together on Christmas Day you don't want to?
I don't understand why you don't make time for me unless you are completely free while I am
willing to drive all the way back just to see you...
Can you help me to understand this?
THIS^^^ is what I'd have said.
Again, sorry about the confusion on my part.
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28-12-10, 04:56 AM #15
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I thank you so much. It's great that a perfect stranger has taken so much time to help me to analyze this.
the fact that you got confused is an indication to me that she is probably confused (or maybe she confused me)
as far as the christmas sex. I always thought (for whatever reason) that when I got back from my families house that I would have her come over and stay the night. It wasn't stated and that is probably my fault but she stays over so often. I feel like this was her assumption also which is why she had to let me know when she was suddenly scheduled to work early (open) at starbucks.
At any rate.
What I did was drive to her house chrstmas night and stood outside till she came out. I gave her a big kiss and she ended up back at my place. She left super early for work.
I am just going over this because I still feel very beat up about what transpired. I think she was happy with how things turned out.
