I'm back! With a story!

[Gratedwasabi]

First of all, I ****ing give up on relationships. **** it. Just **** it.

Second of all, hello again all! Here's my story.

About two weeks ago I started IMing with this woman on Match. We instantly seemed to click and planned a date for a couple days later. The date lasted 4 hours before we went back to my place, I cooked some food for her, we made out a bit, then I drove her back to the car. It went very well, but seen the * at the bottom. A few days later and I made her a 5 course meal, dah dah dah, really nice. We made out again, more aggressively, but stopped eventually and she went home. Now, during this entire time we were talking on the phone probably an hour a half a day and texting the rest of the time. Skip again a few days and she decided to come over to have sex. The next day I wake up and apparently she's beyond grumpy in the morning (literally "Get the **** away from me" and "shut up.) Whatever, I've dealt with grumpy women before. I get her coffee and a croissant.

(Break for breath.)

She then invited me to her friend's dress rehearsal and wedding. I had to go to my boss at my new job and really beg to get those off, which I told her.. but I managed to get both off. Before those, though, we spent a day together and went to movies together, I made her lunch and dinner, then a nice breakfast. Yesterday was the rehearsal. I had to work about an hour away and pick up the expensive tailored suit I'd bought just for that (which she had strongly, strongly encouraged.) So I ran around all day like an idiot and somehow made it there on time (I started my job an hour away at 3:30, it ended at 6:20, I drove and got my suit and to there by 7:30.) Her friends liked me, etc. Oh.. and no one else was in a suit. When I had asked her and she had encouraged me to buy an expensive suit, it was apparently just so her date looked the best. Nice, huh? Oh, and during the conversations she explicitly told two stories very differently than she had told me. She had told me she had ****ed this guy in Paris and he had let her stay with him; she told them she was part of some travel thing that let her stay there. She had told me she was ****ing this guy in Mexico and he had sent her and her friends to a resort for free.. she told them she had just found a bargain for her and her friends at $300 each. I don't like lies. Then she drove back to my place like an idiot (ie.. she had had 2 glasses of wine, refused to wait a bit to drive, and was going 10+ over the speed limit) which freaked me out. Now.. at this point the combination of things (plus wine) had left me in a not-so-great mood. I decided just to funnel that sexually and get over it. Well, that went fine until she was sore and we had to stop (I'm not blaming her for this.. I was about as accepting as a guy can be stopped midway through and I tried to just cuddle with her and chat.) Instead, she accused me of being moody and started making really bizarre accusations about me ie.. I think you have a dark side you're hiding, etc. I don't like being pointedly told something that isn't true about myself and having it insisted. So at this point I got irritable, we quietly argued a bit, then went to sleep. This morning she was grumpy (she always is) but I had a feeling there was something different.

(BREATH)

So.. I had to work at 9 am and she asked if she could stay at my place longer since she lives 30 minutes away but her workout place is near my place. I said okay. Now. I had a pretty good feeling of what she was going to do but I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. Sure enough, I get home, check my computer history, and she read my very private, personal messages on Facebook. They're not negative about her but apparently reading me spilling my guts on my trails over the years to my best friend was enough for her to call me after I got home and tell me she didn't want to date anymore and I was no longer invited to the wedding.

I'm pissed and upset but.. frankly, I was preparing to break up with her before seeing she had read my messages, and prepared to tell her off after.

Why? The lies last night. The fact that after we got home she said this about the couple we had been mainly talking to (who had known her extensively growing up and were fantastically nice to us) "You know, I never realized before how much smarter I am than them." Word. For. Word. And a couple nights before that when she was checking her facebook "argh, this girl I used to be friends with keeps posting to my wall. I was hoping our friendship would drift away." Me: "Why?" Her: "Let me show you.. (she found a photo of her when they hung out and her now.. with her being about 20 pounds heavier and not wearing as much makeup now, but smiling and seeming very haoppy.) See? She just really let herself go. She used to be so beautiful but now.."
Also last night "I know it's really easy for guys to fall for me." And telling me about how she flirts with and leads guys on, even when in a serious relationship, to get free drinks and have fun.

Regardless, I'm pretty crushed right now. **** dating. And **** me for being an idiot. I spent nearly a grand on her in under 2 weeks. Money I didn't have.

[Awesome-O-5000]

This is why I don't like spending too much money on girl.....you can tell from one of my threads.

1,000 in under two weeks, it takes longer to make that much. Depends on what's your occupation

[sadie_genie]

Shoot. If she wasn't such a bitch, it would have been worth it.

[warriormaiden]

Whoa.
What happened to Med school girl???

Dude, she sounds like a total BITCH. There WERE warning sounds though. Why would you spend so much on a girl this early, I would honestly feel uncomfortable if a guy was showing that kind of effort.

You're meeting all the wrong girls, dude.

[vashti]

OMG!!!! Why didn't you talk to us BEFORE you blew all that money?

[MerryH]

Oh man, GW. That sucks. You got a crazy girl and you didn't even get the benefit of crazy-girl sex (from what it looks like.)

And echoing the above post, why weren't you updating us and basing all of your romantic decisions on our advice!? How dare you. I really would have liked to have seen this unfold as it was happening. I am disappointed.

Welcome back.

[misombra]

Omg what a BITCH!

Here's a word you need to use more often: NO.

No, I will not take off work unless my leg is broken.
No, I will not buy a tux to attend an affair that has nothing to do with me.
No, I will not make you coffee after treating me like a ****ing dog.

Any girl who respects you and cares for you will not ask any of those things from you.

[Gratedwasabi]

Whoa.
What happened to Med school girl???

Dude, she sounds like a total BITCH. There WERE warning sounds though. Why would you spend so much on a girl this early, I would honestly feel uncomfortable if a guy was showing that kind of effort.

You're meeting all the wrong girls, dude.

Well, this was the big flashing warning sign right infront of my face.. she wanted/encouraged any and all acts of me spending money and/or effort on her. Hard. Like clear disappointment into frustration if I didn't. And no. She got some great sex but I got blue balls 3 out of 4 times. Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!! Basically how sex with her went > Me spending 30 minutes to an hour warming her up -> another 30 minutes to an hour going down on her -> 5-10 minutes of sex before she told me she was sore and to stop ->15-30 minutes of me finishing her off via oral -> blue balls.

Med school girl dumped me a while ago. I was taking things slow with her because I liked her, she spontaneously asked me out to meet her friends and a day later told me we were done. Weeee.

Also, I made her tea in the morning because I thought maybe she was just drunk the night before and I was going to let it go.

Now I really just want to tell her everything I see in hindsight. And yes, the moment she uttered the "smarter than them" line I should have told her to get the **** out.

Regardless.. I'm once again alone. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I have a 2nd date on Sunday, though. Heh.

[vashti]

You are a nice guy, wasabi. You can tell it just by looking at you. YOu will have to be careful about girls wanting to take advantage of that. Do NOT spend a lot of money on a girl you barely know ever again. Good girls will not be impressed - they will be worried about what you will expect of them in return.

[qwertz]

She sounds like a stuck up, self centred psycho.

You are a nice guy, you deserve to find better girls than this one! Good luck with your date

Oh and we need to catch up properly

[Gratedwasabi]

You are a nice guy, wasabi. You can tell it just by looking at you. YOu will have to be careful about girls wanting to take advantage of that. Do NOT spend a lot of money on a girl you barely know ever again. Good girls will not be impressed - they will be worried about what you will expect of them in return.

Yeah. I just always fall for it. I can't look people in the eyes and tell them I care when I really don't. But other people can.

I am really curious in what order this all happened. Did she decide she was done and then read my messages to try and get dirt to make her feel better? That seems less likely than she read my messages, saw that I'd gone through depression and anxiety in the past and decided I wasn't worth her time for that. Oh, and the next site she visited? Match.com to send emails to guys.

The best part? Even though she's obviously not for me I miss the attention in such a bad way right now. I was constantly talking and texting with her and the chemistry was really amazing when I was with her. Now I'm once again all alone. I know, that's probably half of what gets me in trouble in the first place (wanting to talk to/spend time with someone a lot and the lack of friends to hang out with.) Pretty devastated right now. Argh.

[leoben]

Honestly I got chills when I was reading your post wasabi.

I understand why you're upset, but even the good girls are going to loose respect for you if you behave like this. You cannot run around making a girl breakfast after she is nasty to you. Giving a girl oral for an hour and then rewarding her for giving you nothing in return? Absolute no no. Why are you morphing into this super submissive guy when you get involved with a woman? Where did you learn this dynamic? You think you're being nice, but really it's crossed the line and is deep into douchey territory.

You have to learn to stick up for yourself and be willing to fight with women when they give you grief or try and get away with being selfish. If you don't, this pattern will keep repeating itself no matter what kind of women you date.

[Gratedwasabi]

Honestly I got chills when I was reading your post wasabi.

I understand why you're upset, but even the good girls are going to loose respect for you if you behave like this. You cannot run around making a girl breakfast after she is nasty to you. Giving a girl oral for an hour and then rewarding her for giving you nothing in return? Absolute no no. Why are you morphing into this super submissive guy when you get involved with a woman? Where did you learn this dynamic? You think you're being nice, but really it's crossed the line and is deep into douchey territory.

You have to learn to stick up for yourself and be willing to fight with women when they give you grief or try and get away with being selfish. If you don't, this pattern will keep repeating itself no matter what kind of women you date.

I agree with some of this but not entirely. I'm a nice person. If someone is in a bad mood, I'd rather try to cheer them up than call them out on being a bitch. I don't think making breakfast for someone being grumpy in the morning is bad behavior.

I DO think when I'm listening to this chick trash talk her friends and people that were really nice to us, I'm being a ****ing coward when I don't call her out. When she starts rambling on about me being moody and having a dark side and BS and I get apologetic, even though it's BS, that's a problem. I'm a people pleaser, especially for those close to me. It gets better once I know people more but in the beginning stages I feel like I have to avoid any and all negativity as it could drive them away.

I dunno. I'm just bad at relationships.

[leoben]

Being nice is surprising her with breakfast in bed one morning, and her being appreciative of the gesture. Being douchey is reacting to her taking her bad mood out on you by sucking up and making her breakfast in bed. You have to put in the same amount of effort she is.

I know you don't realize it but your not a “nice guy”. You have been programmed to think that by only satisfying these womens needs and never your own you will somehow win their love, and it just doesn't work like that.

You're not bad at relationships, someone in your life just set you on the wrong path. Its fixable with a little work.

[warriormaiden]

So....the sex was bad, she had a hideous attitude, she took all your money and she bad mouthed you. And you stuck with her for this long because........?

She must've been so SO hot.

Btw, I don't know why, but every time I read your posts Grated, I get so hungry.