'its all in your head"
'what is?"
"there being an us because there isnt an us"

now go back 3 years:

i was having a small party. i had walked with my friend to go get him and walk back to my house. i was attracted to him from the get go. So i had to strut my stuff in the middle of winter i took off my army coat and walked down the street in my tank and jeans. i knew he was looking. I wanted him. Things went well that night. we kissed and hooked up that night. We started to date a few days later December 15th. I told him from the get go i didnt believe in love and i'd been hurt too much.

'i will never hurt you like that"

yep i believed that. it took some work but i fell in love with him completely and totally. By april i was pregnant with our son. he was born december 8, 2008. our 1 year was December 15th.

things havent exactly been smooth for us. he asked me to marry him february 2008. we set a date for july 4,2011.

now back to the present. he left me april 13th for a small break. then 2 weeks later broke up completely with me he wants to be just friends. so he recently came back been here for a few weeks now. we do everything a couple does. I even asked if we can resume our relationship he told me NO.

It hurts alot. I have never felt this hurt(though ive been in abusive relationships) this feels so much worse for some reason. I do everything for him.

i have a chance to go out with a very nice guy but i am hung up on my sons father. it doesnt help he is here and his dad is staying here with me either.

i start counseling today. i can onlyl imagine what my therapist will say to me about this whole situation.