Is he lying?

[cjim730]

Live in B/F of 17 years gets a cell phone call one day (usually never gets any calls) and I walk away so he has privacy...thinking he would tell me who was on the phone and he does not. That was a Saturday. Sunday I pull up the cell phone bill and see that on the previous two Friday's a "blocked" call was received on his cell phone. The calls were about each an hour long. So on Monday, after picking him up from working 16 hours, I confronted him when we got home. After much yelling and him really not wanting to tell me who he was talking to, he confessed and said it was a woman at work and that she was just getting some pot for him (we all work together at the same place). I said that a conversation for pot should not take an hour and I begged and pleaded to him not to talk to her anymore. He promised he would not. In the mean time I am thinking that everything is okay...you know that we will love each other for the rest of our lives and grow old together, etc...Every once in a while I ask him if he is talking to her and he assures me he is not. This happened in September 2010. First week of March 2011, we were on vacation and at home, he goes to lunch at his folks house and doesn't come home for two and half days...When he comes home he tells me he was at a friends house and that he promised he would not tell me who the friend is. He also says he doesn't know if he wants to be with me anymore! WOW, have you ever been hit by a bomb?! So here we are existing together as if our lives had not changed, except for his love for me. A couple of weeks pass and I am crying to someone at work and I get some information about potlady from work...she had called in sick, from a motel room in an adjacent town, the same two days he was "missing" earlier in the month. That night I looked in his wallet and found a gift card, went online to check transaction, and found it was used at a small restaurant adjacent to the hotel potlady called from on the corresponding dates...Were do you think he was? So I don't say anything about this to him. I had asked him several times were he was but he will not tell me...it's a promise to his "guy" friend...I say secrets are bad...I did ask him if he was with another women and he assured me he was not...Okay so I gotta believe him, he has never lied or cheated...right?!

Three weeks pass...It's a Thursday and I don't go to work because I was sick...he kisses me goodbye, tells me he loves me, and says I will see you after work. 5 PM, 6 PM, 7 PM, 11 PM...no b/f...mother ****er...

Earlier in the week I had asked a long time friend, also a co-worker, that if she knew something that I should know about would she tell me...well of course that got her curiosity. And the only reason I said anything to her was because she was friends with potlady...I tell her what has been going on and she begins to tell me that b/f and potlady are always talking, etc. and that potlady has been lying to her and lying to her live in b/f and so on.

B/F usually does not work on Friday's, but co-worker friend informs me that he is at work. I had called in sick on Friday, but went to work and confronted b/f and he said he went to a friend's house for a beer and got too drunk to drive home. Co-worker friend told me that potlady looked like hell and had been up all night partying...What do you think is going on here?

So I stay at work and wait for b/f to get off and ride home with him in case he forgets how to get home. I confront him again about lying and cheating and he again assures me that he has not cheated. He will not tell me were he has been.

Following Friday he goes golfing. I ask him...do I need to follow you home from golf in case you forget how to get home? and he assures me he will come home...he doesn't make it home...mother ****er

Saturday morning I remember a few things that were said, so I drive to the area were he could be and to my surprise I find his vehicle. So I park and wait. Make a few phone calls and find out who lives at the address. I get in and confront him as to why he didn't come home...too drunk he says...big fight ensued and I left.

I went home a place a large sign in front of our house stating how b/f was a liar and a cheat. I left it out all day long. It was great. You should have seen the people drive by and slow down and point. That night I burned all of his clothes, well not all of them but all of his favorite clothes.

Monday comes along and we all have to go to work. And yes now b/f has to see me. He tells me he was wondering the streets with homeless people and how they are so nice and so on. I feel sorry for him and bring him breakfast on Tuesday because I think he is hungry. We eat lunch together on Monday and Tuesday and try to talk and lots of crying and hugging. Wednesday morning I decide I was going to get to work real early to see were he is coming from and guess what... he gets dropped of by potlady...I confront him right in the middle of the street...he gets mad at me and tells me to quit playing detective...mother ****er!!!

So I called her live in b/f fiance and tell him what I know...shit hits the fan...so that night I'm at home and they, my b/f, her b/f and her call me...we talk about the first incident. She lies and says she was in Reno with another female co-worker...then they hang up. So I get in my car and race to their house (about 45 minutes away). It's about 9 PM when I arrive. There house is dark so I bang on the door and her b/f answers and I introduce myself and he invites me in. He is a small man, very gulliable appearing, and very nice. So she comes out and then wakes my b/f (and he is very very angry with me). So we proceed to discuss the first incident again and potlady lies to me and her b/f about her wereabouts (I know the real truth) and I just play along. We talk for a while longer and her b/f has to go to work (he works graveyard shifts) and I need to go to bed.

Next morning about 6:30 AM her b/f calls me and says "okay what is the real story?" So I give him all the information I have, he calls the motel and they confirm that she was there. He confronts her that night and she breaks down and confesses that yes she was at the motel and that she was with another man, but NOT my b/f. She said that she had picked up a hitchhiker named Mitchell...WHATEVER?...Potlady and her b/f have gotten married since this has happened.

Thursday b/f has to come home because potlady's b/f doesn't want him at their house...go figure!

I try to talk to him but he will not say a word. He assures me that he has not been with another woman. We are trying to mend our relationship, but I am not sure. He may have broken my heart beyond repair. Potlady apologized to the female co-worker for bringing her into this mess. During her apology she all but said that she was with my b/f in the motel.

There are other coincidents regarding potlady and my b/f...he still insists that he has not been with her...mother ****er!!!

What do you think? Is he telling my the truth? Do you think I should just let it go?

[Horseyguy]

I think you should have dumped his sorry arse somewhere around the first paragraph when he disapeared for two and a half days and wouldn't tell you where he was.

Of course he isn't telling the truth, like you needed to come here and ask that, obvious what's going on but you already know that

Burn the rest of his clothes and him as well whilst you are at it

[reeba]

I agree with horsey guy. Why are you still with him?

He has been lying to you for OVER a YEAR!!!! You let him get away with it for this long, so why should he change now? And this is the times you caught him. You honestly think this is the first time he has done this?

You been living together for 17 years, aren't married, he is hanging out with some woman who lives out of a hotel room (who is in't picking up random guys despite herself having a serious bf), smoking weed and who knows what else (I'm not against occassionally smoking, but he sounds like he does more than that), AND how old are you?

Find yourself a real man, and dump the overgrown lying teenager.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Honestly you two sound perfect for each other. You should keep trying to stick it out, I bet he'll change if you just keep confronting him.

[Bella82]

I think you're both insane for staying with each other! Is the the kind of relationship you want? One where you have to question everything he says and then put a SIGN in your yard about his cheating and BURN HIS CLOTHES?!

In my opinion the question is not 1) is he cheating or 2) should you stay; it's WHY have you stayed for so long? What is this relationship giving you?

[mechelle]

I think I understand y u stay, I am having a similar problem but left and he still begs me to come back 3 months later so be prepared......it sounds like your man just like my ex could talk u into anything and makes it look like u are the bad person no matter what he has done, example, my guy lied to me about being @ a bar, said he was home cleaning but when I busted him @ the bar he said he lied so I wouldn't be hurt...... it worked for awhile but I finally am able to ignore him most of the time....guess I, just sayin I get ya girl n good luck u r gonna need it