My bf of a year broke up with me 8 days ago. I am utterly heartbroken.
We moved in together very quickly. Although not advisable, we did it because he lost his job, I was house hunting anyway and we were practically spending every night together anyway.
We both fell in love so hard. This guy was my best friend, my soul mate. We have so much in common and often finished each other’s sentences off.
Over the year we had been together he has developed an anxiety disorder which means that at any conflict, he had horrible panic attacks, to the point where we started to become scared of me and he started to become very distant with me and found any intimacy very difficult. This in turn made me feel rejected and needy, which made the whole situation worse.
Additionally, I had a hard time in my previous relationship (I had been chronically cheated on) so found the whole thing really difficult to handle.
After a while of things being very strained, we decided to stay together but live in different places. He reassured me that I this would make us stronger and allow him to get better and break our cycle. In fact, to help with the rent, we arranged for our friend (who is my colleague ) to house share with him. However, he was unable to help me with much of the move (which happened three weeks ago) because of his health.
Over the week that followed he only stayed at my new house once because he found it really difficult to leave his room due to the panic attacks.
We had a serious of horrible arguments which resulted in him saying “I can’t be with you anymore, I’m too ill for this. I still love you but this is not working, We both need to sort ourselves out”.
I fell to pieces. Over the first few days, I begged, pleaded, sobbed. Then I didn’t contact him for two days, he eventually called me, I answered and did some more begging and sobbing. I did everything so wrong.
II have surrounded myself with my friends, who must have the patience of saints, the way I blather on! My girl friends have been sharing a bed with me (I’m 28 years old, ha!) and my male friends have been telling me how beautiful I am and I shouldn’t be crying. The universal noise has been: move on.
The thing is, I love him, he loves me and I don’t want to move on. I’ve had my fair share of relationships and broken hearts but I have never wanted to salvage a relationship more. I love him to absolutely bits. In our last horrible telephone conversation, I demanded he tell me he doesn’t love me. He wouldn’t say it. He said he misses me, he can’t watch the stuff on TV we had been watching together and feels very sad... but at the same time, he won’t have me back.

This is 4 days of NC now. It's torture. The last thing he said is leave me alone. That night I sent him a short email telling him that I was sorry that I lost control tonight, that I am just hurting, that I will give him some space and that I hope we can be friends. I’ve not heard a peep since.

I am trying to respect his request for space.

I have read everything I can get my hands on about reconciling after a break up but I am scared I have lost him forever. When I tried to talk about things his words are “I can’t talk about this right now, I’m too ill” and when I ask about the future he says “I don’t know about the future, I don’t have a crystal ball, but we are over now”. He says he is not interested in another woman and can see himself being single for a long time. He doesn’t believe he can get better being with me.
My friend from work moved in yesterday. Even though my ex was out, I couldn’t bring myself to go back to the house.
I have been keeping myself busy, going to work, but I can’t stop thinking about him. When I wake up in the morning, I keep my eyes closed so I can imagine he’s still next to me. I miss his smell and his smile and his clutter. It’s unbearable. I want him back. I will do whatever it takes.
I have decided to do NC for 4 weeks (have a mark on the calendar!). I am going to use that time to try and sort myself out, get strong, read up on fixing relationship issues and then ask him to meet me for a cup of tea in 4 weeks where I’ll be stronger, smiley and attractive... to start to try and woo him back and create good memories.
Am I wasting my time? Are my friend’s right? How do I stop feeling so awful and tired all the time.
I would appreciate your thoughts.
Every part of me wants to call him right now and talk some sense into him.
J