My plans in this long distance relationship...

[Nighthaven]

I'll preface this by saying that my current position is more of a quandary than anything else and I'm grappling with the decision of going with the common sense of reality versus the extreme love in my heart...

I live in Oregon. My girlfriend lives in Michigan. Not exactly the best in locations for a relationship...but...
My issue is this: She is currently in the process of selling her home. I just spend the last two and a half months living with her, preparing the house, keeping it clean for showings, etc. Our ultimate goal is for her to move out here to Oregon once the house sells. However, all the time I spent with her made us both realize that we both want nothing more than to spend the rest of our lives with one another. But the issue now is my job.

All of the time spent living with her the last few months has gotten the two of us into a rhythm that we don't want to spend anymore time apart. Having to come back home last week was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life and both of us had emotional meltdowns both in front of each other via Skype's videochat or apart. It broke our hearts to be separate again after being together for so long and actually experiencing what it's like to be together. We WANT to be able to move on with the rest of our lives but as long as the house is up for sale and remains as such she cannot move out here so I am faced with the issue at hand...

I've lived with my folks here in Oregon so by no means do I have a "concrete" home here. Additionally, the job I have is as a contractor for a public entity. I have a great reputation with both my contracting firm as well as the public entity but I am considering cutting the contract (which is slated to last at least nine months or longer) lose to go back to Michigan and live with her until the house sells and we can return to Oregon together. When I initially went out there this summer we'd hoped that the house would sell in the time I was there and we wouldn't HAVE to be apart like we are now.

The current idea that she and I have at the moment is to allow September go by and see if the house sells. If it doesn't, that is when we are considering having me leave my job here to go back and live with her until the house is sold. As mentioned before, this means that I will no longer have my contracting job and will be forced to find an "interim" job out there. The two of us have no problem with that. Her home is already paid for and the bills are manageable. Me having a job and being able to contribute to both living expenses as well as being able to sock some money away will definitely help us out in the long run. Back here in Oregon I have to give my folks rent every month that basically makes my income per month no more than MAYBE $100 ahead after all of the bills are paid. If I was out there with her I could save some money for the move.

My biggest fear is that, should I leave the contract I'm in, I won't be able to get it again once the house is sold and we move out here. Yes, we will definitely have plenty of money in the bank once it's sold so our finances won't be an issue. I realize that contracting jobs are just that, contracting jobs. I have to pay for my own medical insurance and get no other benefits other than a paycheck.

What should I do? What would you people do in this situation? Would you stay and be far away from the one you love to keep a contracting position or would you go back and live with them and get an interim job until the house sold?

Thank you for reading and any advice given.

[Wakeup]

We WANT to be able to move on with the rest of our lives but as long as the house is up for sale and remains as such she cannot move out here so I am faced with the issue at hand...

Why? This day and age she can have the house up for sale and her realtor can look after things while she's gone. Showings can take place with the use of a lock-box and if/when an offer comes in, it can all be done over the telephone and signed/counter offered etc through fax machine and/or email.

Why would you quit your job so that when you get back there, neither of you will have an income? Don't do that If I were you. Somone has to be bringing home the bacon because unless she has a multi-million dollar home, the proceeds from the sale will soon dwindle.


Good luck, hope you work it out.

[Nighthaven]

Thank you for the reply. I left out a few details in my original post. Her brother - who will get 50% of the sale price once the house is sold - also lives there in the house. If they were both to leave then there would be no one living there and no one to maintain the lawn, etc. Additionally, she cannot rely on him to stay there by himself as he is rather helpless and doesn't exactly live up to his part of the bargain. She basically does everything while he does very little. She is afraid to come out here because he would be coming along as well and that would leave no one to maintain the house, etc. There is already a lockbox on the door and all that. She is just afraid something might go terribly wrong that she will not be able to attend to if she was to leave the house empty (mostly natural disasters). On top of that they would need to hire a moving company to pack up and deliver their stuff and that is money they just don't have access to at the moment. I don't mean to use any excuses but it would seem that they're both sort of "trapped" in the house for the time being until it is sold. I could get a job when I return without much of a problem. It's just the present that I'm currently set upon. She doesn't want to be back there without me anymore than I want to be out here alone without her. It's just a slippery and potentially dangerous slope being faced and I just didn't want to make a big decision I may regret.

Thank you for your advice. It is much appreciated.