Should I stand back for now ..

[rayonlinenz]

I am 33 and she I think is 45. I am back to uni to do a few papers for my professional certification and she is my tutor doing her doctorate.

We talk a lot not about studies, she flirts etc .. Could be an oversight or mistake but she did wear a boat neck top showing a bra strap and as she was teaching me she leaned forward. She has also removed her ring, for a few weeks now. She looks at you with this big smile and her eyes almost sparkles like how some look at a camera.

Age is not too much a factor, she looks young. We are both Asian if that matters.


Basically, I am thinking if I should stand a bit back for the moment and wait to year end until she finishes her work and get a job maybe at the uni first. Issue is if I don't know her background and if she does not tel me I don't want to destroy their relationship. I am open minded about it - friends are fine, as we get on.

I have asked her age indirectly and she have not told me even when she knows mine. She says she is my tutor and about crossing the line. She then took her thesis out and tried to ignore me but was still talking to me, trying to maybe change the topic.

Because she has taught overseas, her resume is online. What she tells me is she made her age 15yrs younger. Instead of her real studies and real years when they were done, she says a different version.

[MerryH]

She says she is my tutor and about crossing the line.

She's right, you know. It would be completely inappropriate for her to get involved with you. I guess you could wait until she's no longer your tutor to try to start something, but she's married. And she doesn't seem to be willing to speak to you about her personal life, which should tell you that she's not interested in anything other than a professional relationship with you. You should stop asking her personal questions and looking her up online.

[rayonline]

Well she started it. Yep, I am going to distance myself now.

Thing is she keeps on flirting with me and asking me personal stuff and other chats, she just told me that when she completes she wants to stay here than going back home. And, she made herself almost the same age as me by saying she went to uni at a different year. She asked me my age and my status.

[MerryH]

Thing is she keeps on flirting with me and asking me personal stuff and other chats, she just told me that when she completes she wants to stay here than going back home. And, she made herself almost the same age as me by saying she went to uni at a different year. She asked me my age and my status.

None of this means that she's interested in you. How do you know she's flirting and not just being friendly and doing her job?

[lizzy-bet]

Flirting is not always serious. I agree with you, your tutor definitely likes you, but her circumstances are obviously complicated. You guys are spending a lot of time together, she's probably lonely and I bet she secretly wants to get with you in some form or another, either romantically or physically. However, the end does not justify the means in this situation. She does not actually want to take things further, and you should respect that. I know that that's frustrating to hear, but emotions are complicated and I'm sure she doesn't even know exactly where she stands. This is something to be explored when you're done with school if it's even worth it then.

[rayonline]

It is .. other students looks at me when she behaves to me. She smiles and winks over in the seminar room as we are doing/discussing various exercises. Its a walk in tutorial room, so the room only has one table to fit maybe 6 people at most with little walking space.

She goes girly and speak in that way. Once we were just chatting about a test right. So I said, I have less workload as I am just doing a few papers, I got my degrees in the past, so she just makes a gesture and ran both her hands down my arms.

It's a walk in tutorial on demand, not a weekly one. So she would sit there for the 2hr and just talk to me and ask questions sharing family things. Where we worked, travelled, food etc .. What we like and what we don't like, nightlife, style of travel, care for status or not ... what our passions are....

[MerryH]

other students looks at me when she behaves to me...She smiles and winks...She goes girly and speak in that way...so she just makes a gesture and ran both her hands down my arms

Holy shit, you're right. She's totally in love with you. She is obviously ready to jeopardize her career and ruin her marriage to be with you!



Just kidding.

[rayonline]

Yeah it is dumb. If need be will have to talk to her. Really just want to be friends with her like a work colleague than giving her the cold shoulder. Don't want to see the repercussions.

She does finish her studies this year and wants to get a full time job at the uni. I don't know for certain if she is married, but my bet she is. Fat chance I know.