(s)ex buddy

[jellybean3]

I've never been this puzzled by a man and I'm not sure what to do with the situation. I'm too ashamed to talk to my friends about this, so I brought it here. Three years ago I started an online relationship with a man that lives far away from me. We met up once (after 4 months of dating) and hit it off (or so I thought). Things were great and we were planning to get married, when after 6 months of our relationship he suddenly became very distant to the point where we didn't video or voice chat anymore, he stopped sending me emails and calling me and pretty much treated me like a burden. That went on for 6 months until I eventually broke it off. I was also quite immature during that period, freaking out about his behavior, rubbing all the other guys that liked me in his face and such.

But anyway, two years after the breakup, we still talk every day. We video chat. We stare at each other and smile for hours. We get intimate. We share all our secrets and problems, we come to each other whenever either of us needs comfort. And he keeps pointing out how great this is, doing this and not wondering where it's going, being just friends, but such close friends. He keeps raving about our (online) sex life and what a great match we are. He says I'm his best friend and the person he trusts the most and tells me he hates thinking about the future where I'll settle down with someone that's not him, but at the same time tells me he wants me to be happy and that I deserve someone great.

We're both 30 and I think by this age there shouldn't be any commitment issues. I pretend I agree with him, but honestly I would like nothing more than for us to get back together. I don't want to humiliate myself and suggest it only to be rejected. I know if someone came up to me with this problem, I'd tell them to run away from him and find a healthy relationship, but two years after the breakup I still love him as much as I did when we were together.

What is he thinking and what do I do?

[smackie9]

You are living a fantasy. He is probably married, with kids, and you are just a pastime for him. Get off that computer and start dating locally irl. What you are doing is a shameful waste of time.

[jellybean3]

It's hard to say anything to that because it will just sound like I'm defending myself. I won't completely discard him being with someone, but I do think it's very unlikely, seeing how we talk at different times of day, we voice chat, he's always online and such. But that's not even important, I've just been so terrible at letting go and moving on, I keep looking for signs that something is still there and I get angry at myself for being so pathetic, but at the same time can't find the strength to just cut him off.

[Wakeup]

You're addicted as sure as if he was some drug that you can't wean yourself off of. Cold turkey is the only way. No looking for him on line, no waiting for him to contact you. Resign yourself to the fact that this is not a healthy thing for you to be doing. You're 30 years old and you're wasting your emotions and time on a fantasy wank partner that has no intentions of ever progessing past the wank stage. He's told you that and you continue to pine for him when he has no emotional connectiont to you other than you stimulate him so he can masturbate to a FREE live cam girl. Stop it.

[jellybean3]

I'm glad I brought my issue to the forums because despite telling myself all those things, it feels much better hearing it from someone else. Reading all those opinions makes me at least somewhat determined to stop obsessing and move on and I hope I'll keep heading in the right direction. Thanks, guys.