So short back story first, known her for about 10 years perhaps. After about 5 years of no contact cause I was in a relationship, she pops back into my life again about a year ago. And was pretty much fwb status from day one of hanging out again.
Over the course of the year we've had our fights. I've had a few gfs (one she went off on and even told her we did it to her face) and she, through out the year has switched up who she sleeps with and toys with constantly. The only one she has not told to F off has been me. A majority of the time I'll even be sitting there laughing with her while shes IM'ing some of the guys that are butt hurt and clingy on her. Heck sometimes she even gives me the phone and I pretend im her writing moronic stuff to these guys. Mean I know. Lately though we've both been falling into some serious depression and were not sure why, at least I wasn't until last night. Both of us used to have no problems at work and do great jobs, now were distracted and unfocused. Pissed off easily about things (and were 2 people who do no get mad easily, it takes a LOT on a normal day). Hell, were even completely calling off half of our work days which is fine from works POV, but not so much when were trying for promotions and need the 50 hour a week paychecks from not calling out constantly it seems lately.
I narrowed it down to at least for me, basically.... well her and being an FWB. Of course, I wouldve gave her everything had she ever asked, the label, myself, whatever, then again I never brought it up or hinted I wanted that either.

Last night something happened and I realized something about all of this.

I wanted to get a few outsider perspectives on this. Not so much cause I'm lost and don't know what to do, but I'm not sure WHO i want it with, I jumped the gun and ruled the FWB out instantly because thats all she has been for a year. And I'm starting to talk to a really great girl, but shes not..... her. I'm more then likely just going to do what I said and give the new girl a REAL chance, and do it right. But I'm kind of curious, does it at least sound like we were nuts about each other and neither one of us admitted it? Or was it probably just another bad FWB ending situation like 90% of those situations go.

At any rate, it wont move anywhere cause til we die neither me or her would ever come out with the emotions to each other after this long.

This is the letter I wrote ending this once and for all.

I think we should probably chill on the whole wb part of fwb permanently if were gonna hang out anymore and tbh if I actually slap a label with this new girl I'm talking to, I dont think it is a good idea for us to talk at all. I learned something last night when my supposed best friend told me to leave her at a pool hall stranded, twice, so she could call someone and spend the night yet again at someones house all because i needed more then 30 seconds to collect my thoughts into words and wouldn't wait around to hear it cause she can't give her concern to anyone but herself, even though I said say nothings wrong, you know me better by now to know if given a few minutes I will talk. I learned that this shit that's been happening has nothing to do with being a wolf. If anything my perspective on all of this isn't strength, its weakness. Wanting all of the benefits of a relationship without any of the draw backs because people are scared they can't continue to be who they are anymore, or that experiencing different people comes to a close, its just a way to go out and find who you are by experiencing yourself threw others because they're so lost themselves they can't do it without different partners showing special attention. And that a relationship isn't "Just a label". Its showing someone that you genuinely care about they are special. That a girlfriend isn't just someone you have laying around the house trying to control you or vice versa. A label is supposed to be something your proud of, to show that mutal respect is being giving between 2 people that actually give a shit about each other. I also learned that this fwb thing is ridiculous. It's just a wall thats put up because you refuse to let anyone in and end up in depression from having meaningless sex with multiple people that don't mean shit once the chemicals in your body dissapate after orgasiming. So I have to thank you for at least that much, even though it sure as hell wasn't intentional, for teaching me that a label isn't a label. And clinginess is just a way of showing affection, not an annoying leave me alone trait because things are so ****ed in the head you can't even be around someone else or need to move on to the next. I know you need to go out there and do your thing. But I'm not gonna do this shit with you anymore, and this is what I wanted to say last night, but the thought was still gathering, and wasn't triggered until someone that supposedly gives a shit can so easily tell them to leave them stranded. Then again I'm sure you got that ride within 2 minutes of going back inside anyway. I'm gonna stop this here, and say we can be friends, but thats it. I do not want to give myself more to one person physically OR emotionally like this. And since I can't do that with you cause your someone that doesn't want that I am going to move on and actually give this girl a chance instead of just being a fling. I refuse to come 2nd to anyone anymore. Or permit the person im with to even let me have a 2nd. I want the dedication and balance back in my life again that has been gone for awhile and not just so I can work happily 50+ hours a week and get promotions for doing good, cause being alone isn't being strong, its being scared. 100 years from now none of this is going to matter. I'm not sitting around wasting the gift of being alive scared anymore or not knowing what I want. But on the ending note, even if we were not fwb and just friends in a group, telling me to leave you there... was pretty...... you can finish the sentence yourself. Take care C. This for the first time ever is not me sabotaging. It's me moving on cause I finally realized something.