Perfect Beginning Turned Rocky....

[hope~]

My boyfriend and I have been seeing eachother for about five months now. From the second we met eachother, things were perfect. We got along so well, were insanely attracted to eachother, always had a great time. As I said, things were absolutely perfect.
I have two young children and decided because of past experience, not to introduce him to my children until I knew exactly where things were going with us. He completely understood which was great..... still Everything was Perfect....
Two months into the relationship I revealed something to him that I had chosen not to tell him (maybe a stupid decision on my part, but because there was nothing going on I decided he didnt need to know because the situation was in the process of changing).... I still lived in the house that I lived with my childrens father in. He did not live there anymore and only came over to get the kids, but since the new boyfriend had yet to my house (strictly because I promised myself I would not let him meet my children yet) he was convinced that there was something going on between my ex and I. The accusations went on for the next few months, we'd go through times where we wouldnt speak for a week or two at a time because of the fights we got in because of this situation. I spent all of this time up until just a couple weeks ago defending myself and doing everything in my power to prove to him I was true to him and would continue to be. I moved and he has since met my children. Strictly because I KNOW THAT I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM.
Now to the twist.... a few weeks ago after all of these accusations and arguments I happened to find out that HE'S MARRIED!!!! Yes, the boyfriend who has been accusing me of cheating on him with my ex (that mind you I left in the first place) IS MARRIED!! I brought it to his attention and initially he got defensive, I left and before I could even get home he calls me asking me to come back and talk. Now because I do love him, I did. He explained to me that yes, he is still technically married, they are not together anymore and the divorce is already in process. (Which I do know is true)......
*Now to the problem*.... We have in the months we've been together had some really bad times, but through it all the good times that we've had and do continue to have are I know what keeps us together. I truly love the man and I KNOW he loves me. Things have been better since the talk we had that night. It does seem as all the past issues have been dropped, however things just dont feel the same between us sometimes..... we're both very stressed in the points we're in in our lives right now and I KNOW there's the "Honeymoon period" in every relationship and that could just be the situation here that the Honey moon period's over but at the same time after all of the stuff that has happened maybe too much damage has already been done and I'm petrified to lose him, because he is honestly the only man I have been ever able to stand back and look at life's big picture and see myself with for the long run.....

*Super long post, I know but...... thoughts, advice please*

[nerdy_guy]

The title seems to fit your first marriage as well, so I thought the second time around isn't that hard to figure out. The problem with this is that both of you have already sown distrust into each other. He doesn't trust you because of what he saw about you and your ex, and you also have that distrust due to what you saw regarding him and his wife. even if both instances were mistakes, there is already a part of you (part of it, from your ex, part of it from what just happened) that is putting a shield up, albeit partially. So, even if you say you love him, there will always be that part of you that would always give you doubt and in the process, would slowly eat you up alive inside, which will eventually cool down your burning love.

because he is honestly the only man I have been ever able to stand back and look at life's big picture and see myself with for the long run

I wonder how you get to have two kids with your first husband if this statement is true.

[hope~]

My ex and I were actually never married dated for a couple years and I knew it was not going to last. I unexectedly got pregnant with my son and my first is from another ex of mine. And as for the doubt issue on my part..... I know that yes he obviously hid from me that he was married. Which of course it's a given I'm not happy about, but I know that they are over and have been for quite sometime now. It really is not anything I'm concerned with....
as for the statement.... "because he is honestly the only man I have been ever able to stand back and look at life's big picture and see myself with for the long run" he is. He is the first man that I've never doubted my feelings for and the first I've honestly ever been able to say I truly love.

[nerdy_guy]

Its not about you being concerned with what already happened. It's more of "what if something like this happen again?" Its not an active thought, it's more of a subconscious thing that would pester you to be on the lookout for yourself. That is why, even if you keep telling yourself that you love him, it feels hollow.

[bulrush]

Sounds like your bf has insecurity issues.

I KNOW THAT I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM.

You should also know that love doesn't change a person, like your bf with insecurity issues. He has to want to change, and change takes work.

Good luck.

[JadenMia]

I have never been in a relationship in which the honeymoon period has been over at 5 months. There has already been so many silly little problems within the first 5 months.. I dont even think i have ever met and been with someone and actually even argued with them in the first 5 months!
It sounds like it might be a turbulent intense relationship, which also in my experience is never a good thing. You argue so much, do you think this is good for your children?

I would think very carefully about continuing this relationship.. If you think you can pull through it and put a complete stop to the fighting and actually get on with having a relationship with this man, i think you should go for it if the feelings are there... But you need to think about if it is worth it because it sounds like it could turn into a very unhealthy relationship. If you think it might be a big lot of trouble, which coming here for advice would prove you might.. I would back off. Start taking it slowly..figure out what you want. Best of luck!

[devonbrown]

It sounds like his fighting with you was his projecting his own issues onto you. He accused you of something fishy going on because he had something fishy going on.

Trust has been broken on his part. And his accusations and attacks on you have left marks. While you guys have talked through things, I can understand the hesitation at this point.

I would just suggest taking things very slowly. And keep a look out for other red flags. I just have a feeling that things are not on the complete up and up with this guy.

Good luck.