facebook flirting

[angelsnairwaves]

I'm 22. I've been with my boyfriend on and off for four years. A couple months ago he added a girl he doesnt know on facebook. He knows her sister (they were friends at college- not close), but has never met this particular girl. She lives in the area. She looks like a pin up model in all of her pictures. He comments on her stuff all the time and "likes" her pictures. They are a little flirty with each other but nothing alarming. Who knows if they fb chat or what they talk about. It makes me uncomfortable because he doesn't know her and because its pretty obvious why he added her. I have tried telling him it bothers me a FEW times but to no avail. He just tells me I get jealous over nothing.
The other day it REALLY got to me and I just straight up told him he was a creep. I told him I think it's weird and creepy and that it makes me uncomfortable. He hung up on me. I texted him a few hours later and said that he can talk to whoever he wants and that I was sorry for calling him a creep. He didn't respond and we haven't talked in a couple days. I do feel bad about the way I handled it, but I tried being mature about it and he just blew me off.
Now I'm conflicted. The last thing I want is to try to control him and tell him who he can and can't talk to. But I want him to respect my feelings. This legitimately bothers me. All my friends agree that it's weird. I'm just wondering if I should back down and let this go or if I should persist. For now I have just blocked her so I'm not tempted to view her wall. I don't want to turn a blind eye to something tho... Idk. Plus I just found out that her and her boyfriend broke up a few days ago. Great. My jealousy may have just opened a door for them.
Like I said- we have been on and off. I love him so much. If he proposed right now I'd say yes without hesitation. We have talked about kids and marriage. But he ignores me when he gets mad for days and sometimes its his way of breaking up with me without telling me. So who knows if he'll contact me. He has changed his number before. Ugh!

[bcgirl]

Does he have his fb status as being in a relationship with you? Does he frequently post pics of you two together and put them on his profile pic? Does he frequently put status updates about you and his love for you? Does he comment on pics of you more than he does pics of her?

It is creepy and not right that he is being overly flirty with a girl other than his own girlfriend. It would be okay if he was single to comment on how hot a girl looks, but out of respect for his you (his gf)....he should not comment on her looks or talk to her too much since you stated that you don't like it. What does he have to lose? He doesn't have a friendship with this girl, nor has he ever met this girl before. To him, she should not mean anything. It should be a piece of cake for him to delete her off of facebook....unless he is having some sort of emotional attachment to her....

[angelsnairwaves]

I am actually not friends with him on fb. My choice. I think fb can cause drama between couples and it has for us in the past so I came to this decision. But obviously I look at his fb every now and then. I found out about him being friends with her cuz he showed me her pics cuz they were "cool looking" and I asked him how he knew her, and he explained that he basically DIDNT know her. So thats when this whole thing started.
That is true, though. He should be able to delete her no problem. The thing is, I'd never ask him to delete her. I don't want to be that type of girlfriend. I would like him to either do it on his own out of respect for my feelings or I will just have to get over it. Or get over him if I decide it bothers me that much.

[angelsnairwaves]

I just found out the girl recently became single- like in the past week or so. So I cant help but wonder if thats why he still isnt talking to me.

[bcgirl]

^ it may very be likely the reason why he isn't talking to you. Perhaps he has a major crush on this girl and wants to see where things lead.... There are tons of scenarios that can be going on. The thing is that you say you don't even have him as a friend on fb to avoid drama, yet you creep on his profile and hers to find any flirtations going on. They say that facebook is the #1 as a means to cheat on your significant other in today's generation. I know you say that you don't want to be that type of girlfriend....but you are just telling yourself that in order not to face the real truth, cuz the real truth hurts too much. This is obviously bothering you so you can either allow their flirtacious rende-vous to happen without stepping in, or tell your boyfriend the truth that you've been creeping on his facebook and not liking what you see. If he has nothing to hide, he would allow you access to his password for his facebook. Only the guilty will try to hide.

[Twiz]

First of all, he is being totally disrespectful if he isn't considering your feelings.
Secondly, I would NOT be ok with my boyfriend flirting with another woman. It's unacceptable and essentially emotionally cheating.

But you did say you guys are on and off. Have you been exclusive recently though? Or have you been separated for a little while? Either way he doesn't seem to be very willing to listen to your feelings. He ignores you for days? That's not only a terrible way to handle problems but it also reinforces that he is being a complete dick to you. When all you were trying to do was tell him how creepy it is that he's flirting when I'd suppose you were together at the time? You're crazy about him and he seems to care less :/

[iamminzy]

hmm it is creepy.... but we do creep up on people's facebook from time to time especially our crush or significant other. It's even more creepy if he was your boyfriend because its kind of like having a guy comment on your picture and say how hot you look and how sexy you look while you have a boyfriend. I bet your boyfriend will think that guy is creepy.

You should ask him what happens if a guy (even a guy friend or his guy friend) comments on your pictures, asked him what he thinks?

I had this one guy friend who I caught kissing a girl and he said he liked me previously, but I saw him kiss another girl with my own eyes. I asked him if it was ok if your girlfriend kissed another guy at the club and he said he's fine with that and says that a lot of girls and guys do that. This is so called cheating... my gosh is he a creepy guy...

[bcgirl]

maybe you should create a fake facebook account with pics of some random hot girl and add your boyfriend as a friend. See if he flirts and comments on the fake pictures. Kinda like that documentary "Catfish"

[iamminzy]

oh yea u can try to do that but honestly ur bf is a douchebag... prob be flirting with other girls but at the same time he wants to hold onto the relationship in case he can't find what he's looking for... don't let him manipulate u or make u feel at fault, just ignore him if he text or contacts u, n let him beg for ur attentioon

[angelsnairwaves]

wow thanks guys so much for the input. i will def take it all into consideration.
im not gonna lie. i am def a hypocrite and i realize that. cuz i obvi creeped on him and that girl to find this out. i will admit. i look at his profile now and then. and he showed me her pics originally and thats how i found out about her. i asked him if he knew her and he admitted he didnt. i told him right then it was weird. and she and her sister keep showing up in my "people you may know section" so yeah when i saw her there i of course got curious and creeped. we're not even fb friends and fb is still causing drama in my relationship! ridiculous.
the last time we talked was monday. that was five days ago. he doesnt seem to miss me too much or show too much concern about me and this relationship. if he tried to get ahold of me at this point, im not sure i'd have anything to say. and yes we were together when all this went down. guess he's just gonna let me go. all of this is just indicative of the larger issue(s). i def see that. id almost rather not hear from him at all at this point than have to deal with all that.

[angelsnairwaves]

i def have thought about creating a fake account to see what he'd do... but that'd take too much effort lol. and yeah i have also thought about ignoring him back. give him a taste of his own medicine...
im starting to have a change of heart. i miss him, but i feel like if this is the end, ill be okay. im ready this time.

[Twiz]

You deserve better than that! It's not worth using his tactics on him or wasting the time to get revenge or make some fake account because based on how he already treats you I am sure it wouldn't phase him much.

[searock]

He's a dick! He doesn't deserve you. Not only because he emotionally cheats on you, but most of all because he clearly doesn't respect your feelings. He doesn't even listen to you, he'd rather shut down communication than deal with a problem in the relationship. You are so much better off without him. Keep up the great attitude and you will be just fine ; ).

[angelsnairwaves]

Yeah I've just about come to the decision that whether or not he contacts me- I'm done. It will be kinda hard not to answer the phone if he calls, but for the first time- when people tell me I deserve better- I believe it. I'm just hurt at this point that he hasn't tried to contact me- even after I apologized. But I'm not surprised. It's bad to say that I'm not surprised. And that's exactly why I'm done. A friend of mine recently told him that if he really loved me he needed to show me in a big way. Welp, I guess this is his big way of showing me how much he loves me. Maybe he doesn't feel trusted in the relationship, but I don't feel LOVED. And that's pretty messed up.

[bcgirl]

It's been a long time and he still hasn't contacted you! Jeez, he is not worth your time. Even if he does happen to call you tomorrow, his excuses is not even worth listening to. I hope he ends up asking his crush out on a date and she rejects him. Bahaha