Should I Call Her?

[Mikey T]

I recently dated a girl for nearly two months and every time we were together was better than the last - more fun, more passionate. It became sexual despite some apprehension on her part and I slept over with her one night. She just got out of a 3-year relationship but we were amazed at our compatibility, talking and laughing together for hours. We seemed on the verge of becoming a couple. Then one night she was acting somewhat distant and finally broke into a nervous discussion with me about not being emotionally ready to be fully sexually intimate or to start a new relationship yet. I called her the next week and she officially said she wasn't ready and apologized for trying things out with me and it not being the right time. I couldn't believe it; one night she was half naked in my arms in bed, and the next time I saw her our relationship was put into question.

I'm 25 and can safely say that I'm not a very average person. I'm not attracted to most girls psychologically and I've never met a girl like her that I'm so compatible with. She and I could relate to one another so well and talk for hours. Our values, morals, and lifestyles are nearly identical and we have many similar tastes. I know we're highly compatible for a serious relationship. There's no doubt in my mind that we're a great match.

She closed her online dating account, proving that she was honest with me. She said she'd be open to staying in touch, but we both agreed that friendship could get messy. As we said our goodbyes in person, we laughed and joked just like in the past. After she hugged me and we parted ways, I told myself to never look back, but it didn't take long for me to shift on that. I plan to call her in a few months to see if she'd like to casually meet at a restaurant and catch up.

I've never met anyone like her - not even close - and I can't let her go without giving it another try. I've had girls find me attractive physically and mentally, but it ultimately never led to a strong mutual interest. This girl was different. She won't stay unready to date forever, and I'm dying to pick up where we very abruptly left off. I thought I could move on, but the pain seems to only increase every week. Should I wait two months? Four months?

[IndiReloaded]

I recently dated a girl for nearly two months and every time we were together was better than the last - more fun, more passionate. It became sexual despite some apprehension on her part and I slept over with her one night. She just got out of a 3-year relationship but we were amazed at our compatibility, talking and laughing together for hours. We seemed on the verge of becoming a couple.

Then one night she was acting somewhat distant and finally broke into a nervous discussion with me about not being emotionally ready to be fully sexually intimate or to start a new relationship yet. I called her the next week and she officially said she wasn't ready and apologized for trying things out with me and it not being the right time.

I couldn't believe it; one night she was half naked in my arms in bed, and the next time I saw her our relationship was put into question. I thought I could move on, but the pain seems to only increase every week. Should I wait two months? Four months?

Something about your story smells wrong. I wonder if she got back w/her ex. Not to make you insecure (sorry) but that kind of compatibility so quickly turned says something is very wrong and I doubt its you, based on your post. Unless you are just completely hopeless at reading women, but I don't get that sense from you.

I think you need to let her miss you. My advice is to *not* call. Don't contact her for at least a month. See if she contacts you first. If the attraction is what you say it is, she will. Take the long view on this one.

[Esther52]

Thanks for your post.

[IndiReloaded]

Thanks for your post.

No Esther. Thank *you* for your post. And no thanks on the spammy insurance link you think we can't see.

[haxan]

I wonder if she got back w/her ex.

My advice is to *not* call. See if she contacts you first.

I'll go one step further than Indi and say that it's pretty clear she got back with her ex. Now, take Indi's advice.

It wasn't you, or anything you did or could of done. She was rebounding emotionally and before getting deep into something else, probably realized she still loved her ex and went back to try and make it work. Kudos to her for not leading you on, or keeping you on a string. Like Indi said, if she felt something for you, she'll find you again (provided things don't work out with her ex).

[Mikey T]

I'll go one step further than Indi and say that it's pretty clear she got back with her ex. Now, take Indi's advice.

I appreciate your advice, truly, but I find that highly unlikely. Besides, I've posted this on several other forums and not a single person has made that suggestion. It's speculated either that she was being honest, and wasn't ready to date, or that she simply didn't feel the chemistry was there and ended it.

She told me how there was a huge age gap between she and her ex and that he had kids, including a daughter only ten years younger than her that she didn't get along with. And the way she spoke toward the end of our dating did not indicate at all that she'd want to get back with him.

[haxan]

I appreciate your advice, truly, but I find that highly unlikely.

Well, if that's not the case, then you aren't too great at reading women and she just isn't into you. Like Indi said, people don't just completely shut off on a dime, even if they're not 'ready to date'.

I will say that a lot of times people talk so much shit about their ex that they're almost embarrassed they're getting back together with them, and won't always admit they're going back for more. Especially to someone they just met.

50/50, but for sure one of those 2 things happened. Unfortunately neither one is good for you. Just move on, maybe she'll get in touch one day down the road.

[Boisdevie]

I appreciate your advice, truly, but I find that highly unlikely. Besides, I've posted this on several other forums and not a single person has made that suggestion.

So here's a radical idea. Stop asking for advice if you're only prepared to accept the advice that you like.

[Mikey T]

So here's a radical idea. Stop asking for advice if you're only prepared to accept the advice that you like.

Of the many people that have responded, only the two people here have suggested that she's back with her ex. Not even one other person has. Sure it's possible, but it seems very unlikely. I did mention that she was sexually apprehensive even when things were going great. I was on the verge of having sex with her one night and she didn't allow it to go quite that far because it felt too soon, but we had heavy petting and I ended up staying the night. And when we had our conversation when she first openly questioning things, she told me how she was struggling to decide if she was emotionally ready for sex, since that would dictate that we're becoming committed. Do you not factor that in at all? That was was critical, even central, to her decision that she wasn't ready.

[IndiReloaded]

Of the many people that have responded, only the two people here have suggested that she's back with her ex. Not even one other person has.

And we are both older, experienced and really, really smart IRL. I see things others don't every single day. But you seem to be one of those sheep types, that decide basedon what the crowd thinks (I use the term loosely) and not based on evidence that *you* are best to judge.

So, maybe we are wrong. Could be we are old and jaded, lol. Shrug. If you are at all smart, you will at least consider the possibility. Its your life tho.

[haxan]

Could be we are old and jaded, lol.

Hey ! Is that possible? I know I'm old and experienced, but leave the really smart part to you...lol I think in the sheep, sheepdog, wolf analogy of life, deep down you're a sheepdog (at least at heart) like I am :-)

[JamesWS]

Thanks for your post.