Such a Long Crazy Ride. I Just Don't Understand Her.

[harveysb]

I've been off and on with my Ex for over a year and a half now.

We started dating in January of 2011. I was in a bad place in my life back then. I was suffering from depression, drank too much, and was a pretty angry person.
For some reason though, my ex fell for me anyways.

We both fell for each other pretty hard, actually.

She was 21 and a virgin. Not by choice. During her freshman year of college someone tried to rape her. She had two serious boyfriends after that, but she couldn't have sex with them. They would try, but her body would kind of "shut down" and they couldn't get it in. With one boyfriend she said they tried for over a year.

She was able to have sex with me in 2 weeks. She said I was the only one who made her comfortable enough.

However, over the next few months....I was the worst boyfriend possible. Like I said, I had a lot of issues and I treated her badly.

In June she broke up with me.

I was determined to get her back. I cut back the drinking drastically, and I started going to counseling.

By the end of July she was talking to me again, and by August we were dating again.

Things were still a little rough, but I thought they were much better. Or so I thought.

This past January, she broke up with me again.

A month later, she had a new boyfriend.

We didn't speak to each other until around May. She called me up and asked to hang out.

After that first time, we started hanging out 3 or 4 nights a week. We would do everything together. Go out to dinner, go to concerts, go to parties,
just "hang out." All of her friends and family were telling her how much I've changed, and she should get back with me because it's so rare to find a guy
willing to become a better person and not give up on a girl.

We talked about getting back together and she said she just wasn't ready.

She finally dumped her boyfriend in the beginning of July after he lied to her countless times, got caught talking to other girls, and gave her an STD. The very next night she had me sleeping over at her house.

Things just kept going the same after that....which started to upset me. There was absolutely nothing sexual between us and I started getting upset.

I felt like I was being used. We started having arguments over this to which she would respond in one of two ways. She would either get very upset, almost to tears,
and tell me she knows how much she is hurting me, but she just can't be my girlfriend at this point, somedays she thinks we're perfect for each other and end up married,
other days she feels like she has no feelings for me at all.

But then other times, she would act like a bitch and try and hurt my feelings and push me away.


It finally all blew up three weeks ago. She was acting extremely rude and insulting towards me and I blew up. Completely. I started yelling at her and just chewed her out.

I told her I'm sick of her acting like a bitch, I feel like I'm being used and treated like shit by her, I told her I felt like she wanted to keep me in her purse and only pull me out when
she feels like she needs attention, I can't deal with all of this shit anymore, etc.

The entire time she just stood there crying her eyes out and then ran off and went home.

She texted me later saying, "I don't care what you say, you were out of line tonight. I never want to hear from you again."

Then she pretty much deleted me out of her life. I haven't heard a word from her in three weeks.

I found out from a mutual friend that she started hanging out again with the boyfriend she dumped in the summer.

I know it was wrong for me to yell and scream at her....but it just got to a point where I snapped. I had done so much for her the last few months.

I just don't understand how a girl can be like that.

[smackie9]

You had issues and she had issues...you are both volatile together. She is insecure, and you have anger issues that were amplified by drinking. You still need to keep going to the meetings, and work on your temper.

Just because someone doesn't recipocate when you think they should, you can't have that self intitled attitude. You have a lot of recovery time ahead of you. As for her, she has no self worth so she chooses to go back to guys that cheat, and or treat her like crap. Hey some girls can't live without the drama....anyways this is just a learning experience for you....Something positive did come out of this....you sot out treatment, which will help change your life for the better.