What to do? I'm trying to hang on just want to be happy! :) please please help!

[Pezgirl]

Hello this is new for me but I feel like I need help and need some unbiased opinions. So here goes sorry about the length figure.......the more you know!

Met my fiance may 1, 2011, sparks flew spent whole evening together talking and talking about life and family till almost 1am. The very next day I found out my mother had something more than the flu and I needed to get there asap (1500 miles away) so I tell my new love interest and head home thinking this won't be that bad (still no idea what was wrong with my mother) well 6 days later my mother passed away on mothers day 2011 from small cell metatstatic carcinoma she presented no other symptoms then a flu for 2 weeks.

So all this is a very big shock, but thru it all DF has been like a god send helping me thru this emotionally and spiritually came to be with me and my family for the funeral stayed and helped and even drove me and my moms car she insisted I have back home after everything. Wow what a catch this is my soulmate god must helped us meet now to help me thru this time.

About two weeks after the funeral on my mothers moms birthday I found out I was pregnant (heaven sent??) we talk and I tell him that it is our decision but I never really had to say much bc he was thrilled said we were all he has ever wanted still I told him to think about it give it time and that I had to see a dr make sure etc. He never wained always was so happy couldn't wait to tell his family. So as time went on he lost a job and started a new and better one with benefits, we prepared for the baby and every so often he would get plastered drunk and tell me I was a cheater, that I hate him, that the baby wasn't his, call me names, tell me to go back to my ex bc I loved him more....just weird stuff bc I never have in my life cheated on anybody let alone him. Sex dropped a lot and now I am beginning to think he doesn't want to be with me but feels stuck. One time he was all mad or stressed about making enough money and got trashed so badly that he had to be picked up from bar by a friend and his dad and brother (my dad was living with us at the time) they carried!! him in the house and when he came to in front of all those people said those kinds of things to me. I was about 5 months prego at the time it was horrible. In november he proposed and I said yes, thinking he must be ok and want to be with me.

In the midst of all this he has since 6/2011 just after we found out I was pregnant he has thought he had testicular cancer, brain cancer, mouth cancer, throat cancer, stomach cancer. All of which he has had 2 ct scans, endoscopy of nose and throat, 2 mouth cancer screenings, 4 dental exams, idk how many dr visits, and about 15 xrays of his back/neck area. He has had male genitalia pain that went away, back neck shoulder pain, headaches, stomach pain, pain using bthrm (#2), he is constantly tired or depressed or both thinks he is dying all the time. I have been to every single dr appt and xray / ct scan. Everytime something comes back good something else starts. He thinks nobody believes him. Latest with the health he had colitis, never went away with antibiotics, new GI dr thinks he has either chrons or ulceritive colitis. Waiting to have the $1500 deductible to pay for his colonoscopy. Can't tell you how much we've already spent on drs well into the 1000s. And now he is constantly complaing of chest pains and thinks its his heart or lungs. Before we even find out what is goin on with his colon. Colonscopy this week and were already onto the next ailment/sickness. I am going out of my mind how could someone think this way we all have pains everyday but we don't immediately think the worst. What could he be thinking with a new family that he says he love so much all he talks about is how he won't be here for us anyway so it doesn't matter how he treats me or how involved he is.

So with everything now our DD is 11 months old and about to be one year I can't believe it! He hasn't given her one bath or done one load of her laundry. Probably has changed 20 diapers total, I mostly feed her and give her bottles. His parents have talked to him I have talked to him we've told him to get help, I've told him we don't have to be married for him to be in his daughters life. His father would never speak to his mother the way he does to me even in front of them, I am embarrased how he talks like that in front of them.

Latest he got drunk and told his parents I'm a horrible house keeper and I don't cook enough, mind you Ive always been a healthy cook and made all our dd food, but since the chrons possibility I am even more careful what we esp he eats. I was so embarrassed you can't imagine. Almost everytime it happens when he drinks, but he can be mean and say those things sober just never as mean and really besides that its a depressant...hellooo! He shouldn't have much anyway until he knows whats going on with his health.

He says always over and over that we are all he ever wanted, but I just can't believe if you love someone how could you treat them this way. Just want him to be healthy and happy, so we can be a family and he and I a team. Instead of this bc I AM MISERABLE! Hardly any sex, no love, affection, he didn't even get me an xmas gift till 8pm the 25th from walgreens. He sits and watches basketball or golf when he is home and not sleeping even when baby is awake but worse when she is sleeping and we could have time. Its like he is pushing me away trying to get me to leave. Don't know how much longer I can hang in I am trying really really hard.

Our dd is about to walk any minute. She is getting so big she won't be oblivious to our situation and his laziness and disrespect for long. I don't want that for her and he says he doesn't either.

Text from him today:
He knows Lo and I deserve better he just can't get there.

Just don't know what else to do I can't force him to go talk to someone, I've given him every opportunity to leave, his family has tried, I just don't know what else to do. I do love him a lot he and his family are my family now I just don't know if he will ever get better or be happy I want to be happy and our lo to be too thats all I want. It's starting to make me so depressed its hard to get thru my days and I'm putting baby weight that I lost right back on. I'm about over it. Sadly.

Last thing last night we had inlaws over for dinner. DF just got really into smoking (BBQ kind) so we smoked ribs made baked potatoes, salad blah blah. I do everything as far as cooking except monitor the fire and wood for the smoker. He sits in front of this smoker for 6 hours drinking beer and does nothing else, eats throws his dishes in the sink and passes out cold outside before his family even left. MIL helped with our 11 month old but he just sat there all dang day until going to sleep. The heath issues are always being used as an excuse that he is tired naps all the time when he is home. I do everything for the house baby, 3 cats, cooking, cleaning, laundry, xmas lights....etc. i mean everything get absolutely no help. Maybe he cleans litter pan twice a week (I clean them 3 times a day) I told him today that I was upset and felt disrespected. I try not to be mean or put him down because 2 wrongs don't make a right but idk am I being unsensitive about his health?? What is something is really seriously wrong??? He swears he is dying and has lost a lot of weight in last 2 months. I just don't know if he wants to be with us or he is doing all of this to push me away or from anxiety or depression? Maybe he is afraid of all the responsibility. Its just got to the point where I'm tired of not felling loved or appreciated. I don't even feel like he is attracted to me. I've never been in a relationship where the guy isn't driving me crazy for sex.....now I feel lucky to make love once every 2-3 months. Thank you for reading and any advice.

[Boisdevie]

I'm sorry but I'm not prepared to read through ALL of that. Please can you just get to the bloody point in less than a gazillion words?

[Pezgirl]

The "bloody point" is that my fiance says he loves me and myself and our daughter is all he ever wanted. He has been coming up with sicknessess one after the other and doesn't focus on anything but himself. Treats me ok but not like I feel I treat him or want to be treated. Oh and occasionally he gets drunk and has said horrible things to me. Hope thats short enough for you. Thanks

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Call the wedding off and tell him you're not going to marry him unless he treats you better, and you need to tell him exactly what treating you better entails. It's still a slippery slope, since he can easily just marry you, then start treating you like shit again. Odds are, he is now, who he is going to be..take it or leave it.

[Bibi]

Hi, will write a private message to you with my suggestions. I advice you to ignore rude posts.

[adalinaabella]

I think you should have to leave him. You have a daughter you may also leave without you fiancé. I think you are a modern girls take a job and full fill all the desires of your daughter.