Do I love this girl?

[randomnamer]

I am a 16 year old student and switched schools 7-9 months ago. I have always had selective mutism i.e. social anxiety, shyness. My highest degrees of social anxiety have been when in a group, talking on stage or taking to girls. When I switched schools, I was determined that I shall talk more but I never did. However, about 4 months ago I did start talking much more than I usually used to. I still don't talk much but I do talk much more than I originally used to. Also, I am comfortable talking to people one on one. I'm also a bit on the fatter side. Hence, my social standing is not so good. I have been bullied in the past & people do make fun of me sometimes. But that's okay. Now Coming to the point..

In these 8 months of school, I have been able to make few friends, but one my best friends in this school are two twin sisters. They are both good friends, but one is better. I really really love being with this girl. I'm not sure if I "love" this girl but I'm sure that I care about her a great deal and she does too. I am very comfortable talking to this girl. She's probably one of those very few girls who've ever been kind to me and always offered me things and all. She knows that I care for her too much and she does too, even though she does not show it publicly. However, when we are alone she always tells me that I should come out with her, in public, she just makes gestures. I think that is because she is too ashamed to call me one of her "good friends". But she still cares! She does! And I know she does! She know's I'm somewhat quiet in public and I act scared and all but I can't help it. I'm trying to get over my selective mutism, and it has been a good journey upto now! I'm talking a lot more, trying to engage in group discussions and not going against anyone no matter what they say. But this girl, oh, I think about her all day. The thing is she does care for me, but she would probably have 10 other "guy friends" like me. I mean not shy, but the ones who think their "cool" just because they act cool! I am disadvantaged having selective mutism causing me to have a low social standing and this is affecting my friendship with this girl. I really really like her so much and hold so much respect for her because she is a true angel. To her, I'm one of her good friends (she knows it inside), but to me, she's like my best friend and an angel. I don't know what to do. I just care for so much that I've started missing her every now and then. We met today morning at school. But school was only 2 hours today because we had an exam. I've been missing her for 4 hours. This happens frequently. I miss her a lot. I get dreams of her sometimes, not too often. But yes I do miss her a lot. I text her hearts & kisses when I miss her too much, she does not mind. She sends me some back at times. It all tells me that she cares for me. However, she is unable to show it publicly even she wants to, she badly wants to! And I wish I were like a normal kid but I'm not! Do you think I'm in love with this girl??

[searock]

Hm I think you're developing an slight obsession on this girl. It's pretty normal at your age and with your social anxiety, she is after all the very first girl who has ever treated you fairly (at least in your eyes), but it's not healthy or good for you. As you said, she sees you as a good friend, nothing more. There's nothing wrong with loving your friends, but beware of your "in love" feelings for her... try not to encourage them, they are the road to extreme heartbreak.

What do you mean when you say that she is "unable to show it publicly even if she wants to"? Doesn't she treat you as a friend when you are in public?

Are you receiving therapy at the moment?