MY boyfriend does not love me anymore?

[Lissy0404]

I had being in a relationship for more than 3 years now. He is 37 and I'm 23. We meet at the church, and he was my guitar teacher for quite a bit. Later we started singing at the church together, and finally after several dates, he kiss me. We when from our first night together, to full time boyfriend and girlfriend. We have literally spend every day together since we started dating. This was an issue for him. We had several fights where he complained of me not respecting his "me time", when we were almost married since day one. However, no matter how many times he complained I never listened, and then he stop complaining.

During our relationship, we have gone through things, and all we have gone through it fast. I guess I always believed if there is love, everything is always easy. We have traveled a lot, he paid all my expenses of each trip, he is very thoughtful, he gave me in our last anniversary a beautiful diamond necklace, and last December on our 3 years anniversary, he gave me a very expensive gift. He wasn�t never the kind of man who said �I love you�, everyday, but it wasn�t hard to tell he loved me. Last summer we traveled again, and I meet all the family members I hadn�t meet, his best friend from his childhood, and he gave me the most beautiful serenade one night. Two months ago he wrote me a letter saying �he could imagine his life without me�, and a month earlier he told me � I want to buy a new house to start our family�. We have even tried a couple of times to get pregnant on the past 3 months.

However, when we came from our last trip, I found he had being lying. I won�t say he actually cheats on me, but I can�t think of another explanation to the things that happen. Immediately, after I found the truth he insisted me not to break up, and cried, and didn�t let me go. I had a hard time dealing with his lies, so for about a month I made our life very miserable, to the point in angry fights he tried to break up. We didn�t! Finally a couple of months ago I finally got over it. Yet I had so many things to complain about him. So I wrote him a letter a week ago. That day he cried, and talk to me. And told me how terrible sorry he was for hurting me so much. We promise we will work together and fix everything. Then he said � I don�t know if I love you�. My hear stop. We spend some days apart, but I keep on calling him, and crying because I was very sad. He said finally last Thursday after we saw each other � I love you, but I keep hurting you�. Now, were back again to the � don�t know if I love you�. Today he asked me for a break, again. We agree to not see each other until Sunday, and talk only once.

Even thought, nothing has being easy, I love him, I deeply love him. He insisted that he doesn�t want to hurt me anymore, and keeps pushing me away. He keeps saying he doesn�t miss me, and that he does not think he loves me. He keeps saying his needs to find out what his feelings are. The worst part is I�m loosing my mind, waiting for him to find out. I love him so much, and I can�t imagine my life without him. He help me to be a better person, and I have change so positively thanks to him. I feel very scare of thinking he will leave me.

I love him, and I keep telling him to try, and he keeps saying � I don�t know if I love you�.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Ask God what you should do. I hear he's pretty good with concrete, meaningful advice. Just pray.

[Lissy0404]

Thank you...

[searock]

BackUp, you are SO mean! :-P

Lissy, sorry for what you're going through. I think the only thing you can do is to not contact him at all while he figures out what he wants. In the meanwhile, keep yourself busy by working, studying (?), reading, hanging out with your friends and family, focusing on your hobbies, perhaps trying out a new sport... try to organize every single day so that you have as little free time as possible.

If he doesn't give you a definitive answer in a week's time, tell him it's best if you don't see each other anymore and to please not contact you again unless it's to get back together.

[Lissy0404]

Thank you Searock, I agree with you, however it seems so hard to spend the day without him in it... But I guess I have no other option left than wait, and give him some time.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You do have another option. You can start moving on and focusing your life in a way that a significant other is an addition to a complete you, so don't need someone else to feel whole.

[Lissy0404]

I know I have created some sort of dependency on him, he is my best friend too. Now everything seems so hard, even moving on.
Thanks Backup

[BackUpOrGetStng]

The more difficult something is, the more rewarding it usually is once it's complete. Don't you think it would be much better to be content with yourself and who you are, so if another relationship should fail, you'll be in a better place to heal? That is only one of the many much more positive up sides it.

[smackie9]

This is your issue....you are way too clingy, needy, lack independance and insecure. This is why he has pushed you away....he doesn't want to be your whole world because it is an unhealthy way to be. I bet he feels you still have a lot of maturing to do, but I don't think he wants to wait around for you to get to that point. You are smothering him...and a guy, especially at his age doesn't want that. You are cramping his style.