Instinct

[Xoopar]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year now, and we have been struggling a lot. My problem is that my instinct is telling me to keep a distance, and I feel like I don't want him around and get annoyed rather quickly. I am a rather introverted, closed off kind of person.

He really needs some attention from me, and I feel guilty but I fail to give him that. I feel that he just feels rejected very easily, and he needs constant reassurance from me. I completely understand where he's coming from, because I broke up with him at some point, because I was doubting my feelings, and since then the doubts have never been completely gone. I did miss him and wanted him back after a few days, but I don't know whether I missed him or missed having a boyfriend.

I just feel like my instinct is constantly telling me to run away, and I have to fight it. I keep telling him I need more space, and I hope that with more space, I'll be more likely to give him affection, but I find myself wanting more space. I feel like there are much more times where I feel like giving up than there are where I want to stay with him.

However he thinks I'm running away from my feelings, and I basically have commitment issues. That might very well be true, but it still feels like fighting my instincts. I just don't know what to do, and I keep looking for some way to find out whether I really love him.

Simply put, I don't know if I push away my feelings for him because I'm scared, or there are no feelings there. Help!

[Wakeup]

Why don't you know what to do? You don't want to be with him so don't be with him. Just be all grownup about it and don't go whining back to him when you feel lonely. Do that is selfish and self-serving and cruel to a guy who wants you when you don't really want him. Stop being selfish and just end it outright / zero contact so that he can heal and get over you and your indifference to him. No more cruelty from you, Missy.

[michelle23]

Stop stringing him along and break it off. He deserves someone who wants him 100% and you are being cruel to him

[Xoopar]

Thank you for your replies. I had a moment of clarity I believe and ended it. He is heartbroken but I think this was for the best. I should have done this earlier.
And even if I do come to regret it, I have but myself to blame I guess, and after all I put him through I guess I don't deserve him even if I turn out to want him

[Wakeup]

If you have a mental moment and your selfishness threatens to take over so you want to reach out to him again, then come here and post and we will tell you good and hard why you shouldn't do that to him.

I give you kudos for disengaging with him so eventually he will find someone who really does want to be with him. Leave him alone now.. even if he contacts you, don't reply. Doing that will allow you to get on with your life as well. You deserve to be with someone you really want rather then someone who just fills a void.