Why is "attraction" so difficult for me?

[Indestructible]

I'd say one of the biggest (if not THE biggest) factors that contributes to my inability to date is the fact that "attraction" is just something I have difficulty with. Let me start off by saying, no, I don't question or have any doubts about my sexuality; on a basic level, I'm attracted to women. On top of that, I'd say I have a fairly normal "libido", so I don't believe that to be an issue, either.

But for reasons unknown to myself, I just never find myself feeling personally attracted to a girl enough to want to date her. I never "write anyone off", nor do I think anything particularly harsh towards a girl, but I just never find myself having the urge to ask out any particular girl. Nothing ever really draws me in enough to make me want to date them. I'd be fine developing a friendship with most of the girls I meet, but for reasons I can't explain, I just never find myself wanting to date any of them.

I don't believe "my standards are too high", because the only thing I really look at is how I get along with any given girl. I want to date someone I really have a good level of chemistry with, someone I get along with particularly well, and for the most part, I never find that. I can count the number of girls I've actually wanted to date in my life time on one hand... But for whatever reasons, none of those girls were attracted to me.

Heck, I'm still so disappointed the last girl rejected me. We had amazing chemistry, it felt so natural, and we just really seemed like kindred spirits. Before her, I never thought I'd have chemistry that good with anybody. It's depressing to think that I couldn't be with her.

All in all, I just don't understand why I have this issue, why I've had it for as long as I can remember, and why I can't work through it. I'm fast approaching the age of 25, and I've never been on a date in my life. I never find girls I want to date, and on the very rare occasion that I do, they're not attracted to me. Everyone else seems to be able to date and connect with people just fine. All the people I know are in or have been in a relationship at least once in their life, and they've all been going on dates with people since their late teens. I just don't get why I can't be the same.

Over the years, I've come up with many theories about why I struggle with this problem, but that's all they've ever been, theories. I'm just so tired of having this problem, but I can't seem to make it stop.

[okwhat2013]

I feel the same way but the few women I was actually attracted to did date me or more. I think the best advice would be to date women you are not atrracted too and see If it grows into attraction. However, I know that is hard to do, I wish I would be smart enough to listen to my own advice sometimes...hahaha

[4 ratties]

You're not going to feel chemistry right off the bat. Your perfect wife could take time to develop feelings for. Just cuz your not goo goo ga ga over her the first time u meet her doesnt mean anything. Bonds take time and I think you need to give more girls a chance

[JadenMia]

I personally think that you should just keep your eye open and eventually the right one will come along, i find attraction quite hard also. Well not sexual attraction, but actually enough attraction to be able to want to date someone. Some people would say i am picky and maybe i am! But at least i know that when i do date someone, it is for all the right reasons.

I have tried to 'give people a chance', see if my attraction grows for them etc.. and it never ends good. lol Sometimes it feels like its never the person you want, that will want you back. But that's just the dating game.
Good luck!

[HDBadger]

OP, it sounds like, when it comes to dating at least, you and I are similar.

If I meet one or two women a year who I feel genuine attraction to, it's a lot. Most women bore me, and, in most instances, I don't feel like I want to spend time with them. It takes someone pretty unique to catch my eye - and this has nothing to do with looks.

I wouldn't sweat it too much. If you meet someone cool, chat her up, and if she seems interesting, ask her out. You don't need to go out of your way to find women. I don't. You might not get a ton of dates, but you also won't be dealing with the piles of genuinely crazy and horrible women that most guys have to contend with.

[Indestructible]

You're not going to feel chemistry right off the bat. Your perfect wife could take time to develop feelings for. Just cuz your not goo goo ga ga over her the first time u meet her doesnt mean anything. Bonds take time and I think you need to give more girls a chance

Well, yeah, I know, but... Well, let me put this a different way. I'd say that my definition of "flirting" is slightly different than a lot of other peoples'. It's still about being "playful", but it's just injected with my own sense of humor. What I'm really drawn to is a girl that will "play" with me (and I basically just mean "flirt", nothing perverted) the way I "play" with her. I sort of try to test it out on girls initially to see if that "playful relationship" develops, but for the most part, I find that I just don't "click" with many girls in that way. Sorry for using so many quotations, by the way. So it's not so much that I'm writing anyone off, but I try to be "playful" (though I have to ease people into my sense of humor) as early on as I can, and how they respond determines whether I'm attracted to them or not. The vast majority don't respond to it in a desirable way, to me. In a way, that's why I was so completely drawn to that last girl I liked, because she would play with me like no one else would, and I absolutely loved that.