so sad. This made me cry. Marriage is scary

[stilldoubting]

I found this on another forum. It made me cry

My horrible cunt of a hubby has done nothing but beg me to try swinging for the past two god damn years. He has driven me insane making me feel like I am not good enough for him, that he wants to f**k some whore and I am expected to be okay with it! I checked his history and noticed he watches porn all the time-i mean all the time. its like he is f**king obsessed or addicted to it. Six months ago he stopped having sex with me and I thought it was because I wouldn't agree to swing. The porn was all threesomes, foursomes, swapping partners. His whole history full of it for months and months, hours at a time. He does this while I am asleep at night. He has stayed up all night so many times and gone to work pumped up on coffee and vitamins. Most nights he gets 3 hours sleep maximum. I am sick of him. I cant do this anymore. I don't love him, I hate him, I wanted to punish him and make him pay.

I agreed to swing on the condition that I can pick the couple. He said fine. I picked a gorgeous looking sexy man who has an 8 inch penis (hubby is average) and I made sure the wife was below average looking. He didn't seem to care. He was so excited we are finally doing this. I was a bag of nerves when we met them for dinner, I tried not to let it show. The thought of ****ing this stranger made me sick and I thought I would freak out when I saw my hubby touch that whore (I hope she gets hit by a bus) but I knew I had to stick to my plan and make my deprived perverted husband pay. When they suggested we go to the hotel room, I had to excuse myself and I had a panic attack in the bathroom. It had me running out of there. I freaked out but I forced myself to go back and do it.

I pretended to enjoy the whole experience. I moaned so loud as if I was really, really enjoying it. My hubby lost his erection for the whore and watched me. I could see the pain on his face and I was satisfied. Afterwards he wanted to go home but I said no I'm f**king him again as it was the best sex I have ever had. His huge dick gave me multiple orgasms-I need to do this more often so I f**ked him again and then left.

My husband did not speak to me for 3 days, he stopped watching porn, when he was home he would sit alone in the kitchen like a zombie. I ignored him, I had no sympathy for him, I wanted him to suffer. I then told him I want a divorce and said "now you can f**k as many whores as you want" and packed my shit and left.

Now he wont leave me alone, I cant get rid of him. He says he hates me for f**king that man even though it was his idea, he wants to punch me in the face apparently when he sees me as he is so full or rage and jealousy but he still loves me. I said now you know how I felt the whole time you wanted me to allow you to f**k somebody else, like I am not good enough, like we need to go outside our marriage to bring some spice into it which I don't believe was necessary. I think there were 100 different things we could have done together alone to keep our sex life interesting without ever needing to bring a third or fourth party in. Now its over for good.

Such a waste. I keep thinking there is something wrong with me. Why wasn't I enough for him. I have always taken huge pride in my appearance. I know I am a beautiful woman, I wear lovely clothes, keep my hair and nails impeccably groomed. I exercise every day for at least 30 minutes. I do everything to ensure I look good for him, I bought sexy outfits, would strip tease for him. I was very open sexually and willing to try anything that he wanted to do as long as it was just me and him. We had sex at least 6 times a week. He never watched porn in the first 6 years. I don't understand. My head is so ****ed up. What has this man done to me. I think I cannot love again. One day I will be old and wrinkly, if I have to worry this much now, have I any hope when I lose my looks. I am terrified about the future. My life has no meaning. Night after night i think about dying but I don't want to be weak. I have to be strong.

Is it possible to be happy on my own and never have another man again? I don't want to go through the stress of marriage again. I hate him. I feel so alone but I know there is no turning back.

I had my whole future planned out. I wanted to try for a baby next year. I am 33. I have missed my chance. Now I will grow old and be on my own and die alone, what is the point of living. What is the point of this horrible desperate miserable life. Why do we even exist when all we do is cause so much pain and hate to each other.

I hacked into his email and found out he cheated on me 2 years ago. I only feel numb about that now. It would have destroyed me back then if I knew but now its over anyway so what is the point in caring anymore. Ill just wait to die

[horndog]

The only way a couple should ever attempt this situation is when they are very secure in their relationship with no insecurity or jealousy issues. they must also have a very high level of emotional maturity. Its a really bad idea if you do something like this while lacking in any of the areas I mentioned. on the other hand, for couples that can handle it, it can be a great experience. The reality is there are few couples that can handle it though and a decision like this should not be taken lightly or rushed.

[michelle23]

lol it has nothing at all to do with emotional maturity. Do you think you and your wife are superior to other couples dog because you wanted to share each other? And because it didn't destroy your marriage that one time? Looking down your nose at people who choose to have a monogamous union and insinuating that there is something wrong with them (that they are insecure, jealous, emotionally immature) is deluded.

Some people do not need to seek others in order to keep their sex life interesting. That is the way I see it. And it certainly doesn't mean there is something wrong with them or their relationship.

Note I am not judging you and your wife for swapping. I couldn't give a toss and I am glad it didn't end badly. The only problem I have is that you come across as if you think that other couples who would not engage in this or who have let it end their marriage have something wrong with them which is simply not true.

IMO it is perfectly natural for most people to be a little possessive of their partner ie. not wanting some other man/woman putting their hands on them.

I know we will never agree on this and I am not going to waste my time going back and forward again. I just wanted to point out that emotionally maturity has very little to do with what you are talking about.

http://djchuang.com/2008/what-is-emotional-maturity/

http://leading-integrity.com/pdf_articles/EmotionalMaturity15Nov11.pdf this article is better than the first

And going on what that article says: you had no reason to call me emotionally immature yesterday either.

[horndog]

Michelle- I am not looking down at anybody. Its just a reality that its not for all couples. Other than our one experience we are a very happy and monogamous couple. I have no problem and respect others for not wanting to go down this road. Its simply taking things to a level that some just cant handle and there is nothing wrong with that. And yes, insecurities and jealousy are the key components of when a swap goes wrong. Its just the reality. Buty..... this situation also adds a higher level to relationships where insecurity or jealousy may not be present otherwise. I have no issues with somebody not partaking in a swap.

[michelle23]

From the research I have done-it isn't insecurity or jealousy that tears these couples apart. In all the failed marriages I have seen so far who have engaged in swapping it was because one of them fell in love with a sex partner and left their spouse. Yes that didn't happen to you or your wife the first time but you have no way of knowing what the future holds should this become a regular occurrence.

Most couples would not go there in the first place if they thought jealousy or insecurity would take over. But even if a person does get jealous-it doesn't mean they are emotionally immature.

Again the main issue here is not that this couple swapped. The husband developed an unhealthy addiction to porn, he got confused between fantasy and reality and practically bullied his wife into doing something that she did not want to do. She then fell out of love with him and started to resent him and sought revenge. He never thought of the consequences as he was so engrossed in making his fantasy a reality. Neither of them set any sort of rules or talked about whether they were both fully okay with this.

His ID took over, the selfish part of his brain that screams "me, me, me" and he forgot what marriage and love is about.

[horndog]

Michelle- You have it wrong on this one but I don't feel like having another drawn out argument with you. Have a great day!

[michelle23]

lol how is anything I said above "wrong". I am not trying to wind you up. I am just giving my opinion and I have researched the topic. And I don't see why this needs to be an argument-just a friendly debate. It is okay to disagree. It doesn't mean I am going to hold a grudge lol

[jenkendall]

Hi stilldoubting,

To my mind, the fact that your husband felt offended by your act with the other man, that he didn't speak to you thereafter for three days, and that he has lost interest in watching porn ever since (perhaps because the scenes on the screen bring back memories of your act) - all put together are a positive sign that he is trying to go back to who he was during the first six years of marriage. I would suggest a wait-and-watch over the situation with the husband, and see how things develop - especially after you have declared your intention to divorce him.

[stilldoubting]

I don't know much about swapping except that I wouldn't do it. I know my bf wouldn't either. I am far more open minded than he is. I wouldn't judge people who do it even though it is never something I would do. He on the other hand thinks its really messed up, he would never agree to share me with anyone which is one of the things I love so much about him. I am glad he is totally normal and wont ever expect a threesome or anything like that from me. I would break up with him if he wanted that as I believe in monogamy. It is important to me. I don't think it has anything to do with being insecure or jealous. By nature I am not that way and he isn't either but put your hands on my man and I will **** you up haha. He is mine, I am his and that is the way we like it

[VincenzoG91]

horndog, stop lecturing Michelle about maturity. You're the one who resorts to childish name-calling when you can't persuade people to share your opinions.

[michelle23]

Its okay Vince, hes only been here a month. I'm sure he will grow to appreciate our opinion in time like most other members do even though we don't always agree on everything. And Im also sure his opinion of me and his psycho analysis of my personality will change in time too.

[horndog]

Vincenzo, ole buddy ole pal, Your panties still all sucked up in your ass from me calling you a turd? Too bad the thread that I called you turd on has mysteriously disappeared, otherwise I could direct people to your condescending comments about a woman's intelligence level and you could instead spend your time explaining your comments. Im sure there are lots of ladies here who would call you much worse things than a turd for your condescending thoughts. But...... since I cant share your comments, and you wont explain yourself , I will simply say you are a TURD. thanks. lol However, If you would like to explain why you feel most women lack the ability or intelligence to know when a guys Is just trying to get into their pants, I will be happy to retract my calling of you a TURD.

[horndog]

Vincenzo,

Ya know after giving it some thought I think I am just going to offer you my retraction and apology now. I am sorry for calling you a turd. You are actually correct, there are some women (a small minority thankfully) who really are a bit ditzy and dense who do indeed fall for guys with condescending views on woman who prey upon them for sexual gratification without realizing the guys are only showing interest in they to get in their pants. Its a very sad situation that there are both men and women out there like that, sad indeed. When I called you a turd I guess it just never dawned upon me that you probably just don't have a whole lot of experience with the more intelligent ladies. But hey, at least your getting some eh? Anyway, you have my sincere apology, had it dawned upon me at the time that you were only speaking from your personal experience with the pool of women that you prey upon I probably would have not used the word TURD. Anyway. so sorry.

[HeartIsAching]

I found this on another forum. It made me cry

Really? What forum? A google search turned up nothing.

Troll.

[michelle23]

Horndog: i think when vince made that comment about women being naive he was only talking about women who believe that a man wants to be her best friend and nothing more. Men dont go out of their way to be there for a girl all the time for no reason. 9/10 it means he has genuine feelings for her and wants to date her, not just get into her pants.