Confused ! What does he actually want from me ?

[Jane1991]

Hey everyone !

I am currently in a pretty bad situation and I hope that you could help me: Last December I met a guy who is working in a club in my city and we met two times. The dates were pretty good and he told me a lot about his private life and his family (even that he has a half-brother and that his father have not told him about that yet, so pretty profound!). The third date was two months later as he and I had some time problems, but when we met it was like nothing happened. We had a lot of fun and at the end of the date I talked to him seriously: I said that I liked him and that I wanted to get to know him better but in order to do so it is not enough to meet twice a month (as our third date was 2 months later !). He replied that he liked me too and that he hasn't met other girls in this period of time, but that he had and still has a lot of stress currently (the company of his dad is broke (which is true), he is having his final exams and that he is very stressed because of his work at that club). But he would like to get to know me better as well and that it would be more convenient for him if we could meet spontaneously, I agreed and said that it would be ok for me now because I have uni vacations but that we should set up dates later on, as I will not have a lot of free time. Then we went to a park, and he hugged me to say goodbye and said that he liked it today and that he would write to me more often from now on. He wrote to me the next day and two days after our last date I went to the club he was working in with some of my girlfriends; they actually forced me. When I was there, we said hi and he asked me why I did not tell him that I would come. Later that night, I went to him and said that if he did not want to drive home after work (as he lives 30 min away), that he could come and sleep over. He said ok and that he would call me. He called and came over. We spoke about different topics and then he tried to have sex with me, of course. I told him that I am not that girl who goes so fast and then I felt that I should tell him the truth, as I wanted him to know: I told him that I like him but that I am a virgin and I would only sleep with him if we are in a relationship. He said nothing, and then I said to him that he should say sth but the only thing he said was that he is pretty shocked, as he would have never thought that and that he cannot say sth now. He changed the topic and we spoke about something else, and then after 1 hour or so there was a sudden silence: Although we were both awake, nobody said something. After 30 min of silence he said that we should talk about the things we want, and wanted me to go first. I, however, said that he should go first and he said that he really liked and still likes me but that he cannot have a relationship right know. He said that when he called me today he wanted to say that he could not come over (which seems to be true as he seemed a bit hesitant on the phone) but that he wanted to see me and therefore came. He also said that he doesn't think that being friends will work so that the only thing left is to cut the contact but that he actually wanted and still wants to get to know me better and that I should say something. I said that I could not keep continuating that if he does not want a relationship. And he siad that he cannot have a relationship as I am a virgin and he doesn't want the responsibility. After 1 ! hour of discussion we agreed on cutting the contact but to say hi if we would see each other, and hugged and then he left. I then called a friend and regretted it and wrote to him 1 hour later that I'd like to keep contatc. He then asked: how ? friendly ?. And I replied: I don't care how as long as we do. He said: I don't think it's a good idea. I have been very honest to you and after that I think it is better if we don't have contact. I said: I am sad that you refuse it. He: No, I don't refuse it. And I: If you want to get to know me better, that is the only thing I can offer you. He didn't write back then. And two hours later he unfriended me in Facebook. And two days later (I assume he wanted me to write sth) he blocked me on Whats app even though I didn't write to him again. On Wednesday I saw him after a month in another club and I looked pretty hot ! He saw me and was looking at me a few times. He even smiled at me and his mouth moved but he didn't say hi. I just looked at him and smiled and then went away. Later that night when I was home I was checking whats app and saw that he had unblocked me. But he did not write to me. I waited two days and then decided to block him. I still like him a lot unfortunately so I wanted to know your point of view ! You would really help me because I don't know what to do, I honestly thought that he liked me more than the superficial way as he told me so much about his fears and dreams and faimily.

Thanks for your time !

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Doesn't sound like he was superficial. It sounds like he was honest, and he doesn't want to wait for 23 year old virgin. Most guys won't. Some will though, wait for one of those.

[Jane1991]

He is Turkish and Muslim, and although he isn't a virgin anymore, I assume that he wasn't negatively surprised by this fact. Besides that, he said that he fully respects that.

[Wakeup]

He wanted to fk you without commitment and when you wouldn't, (good for you for having personal boundaries that you won't let down for a superficial screw) he didn't want to hurt you because he only wants sex without commitment.

Thank your lucky stars that you met a decent man that was honest with you with what he only wanted. Many men would have just told you what you wanted to hear, had sex with you and then treated you as if you didn't exist or only contacted you when they wanted more sex.

Time to face the reality here. He isn't interested enough to be in a committed, monogamous relationship with you (or likely anyone at this point in his life). Be thankful he respected you enough to be honest with you. Now you just have to be strong enough to maintain your own convictions and keep no contact going.

[Jane1991]

Thank you Wakeup for your anser. I guess I will never completely know what is going on in his head. And you are right by saying to let it go, I think it is the best way to go. I still like him, but I guess I will just have to accept it and move forward. It just makes me sad because I really thought that we would have gotton on pretty well together. Thanks again !

[Wakeup]

Glad to hear you're listening to what he's telling you. Distance yourself from him and you'll soon enough get over your crush.

Hugs.... you'll be past your crush on him soon enough with zero contact.