Career or Love?

[guidemyfeet]

Hi everyone. I have a slight conundrum. I'm 25 years old, living in Florida and I'm looking for a job change. I work in IT and was looking for remote positions. I was also sending a few out around the country with the idea of having a new adventure. My 24 year old girlfriend of about 5 months was willing to come with me, and is interested in getting another degree in nursing. She then said that she wanted to go to school in her hometown Boston, but the start date is in January, and her lease is up is August. I had not heard anything substantial back so I told her that I'd wait to see if she gets into the school she wants and start applying again. It seems that of course life throws a curve ball and I get a call for an interview with a really good company in NYC, my hometown.

I got very excited because it's a great opportunity for me. The bad thing is that it is required to be onsite, and it has a start date of late July. I told her I confirmed the interview, and that if I get it I want her to come with me. She said it was exciting and wished me luck. She then sent me a message the next day telling me that I've chosen a path she doesn't want to follow and that I've thought nothing of her or her happiness, and that she would find someone who is as serious as she is, and that I did not make her or our relationship a priority. I told her let's talk about it, and she suggested that we both search for what it is we want and hopefully it works out. I don't like that idea. I was looking forward to building something together, but now it seems the relationship is standing on sand.

She said she wants me to interview and to take the offer if I get it. She said that she definitely cannot go anywhere in July and doesn't want to move without finding out where she will get into school. She moved her stuff out of my apartment over the weekend, and I talked to her about attempting a long distance relationship. She said she is willing to try, but she doesn't like long distance relationships, and likes to be close and physical with the person she's with. Talking with her the other day, she doesn't even really know what she wants to do. She just moved here last year and now says she kinda likes it, with the beach and all. She also said that she doesn't know where she wants to go to the school, since she just came from Boston she's rethinking going back there. She also wants to move with the person she's with, and is ready to settle down with someone. Also, wherever she moves is somewhere, it would have to be somewhere she wants to be for a few years to work and get experience. Now, the relationship feels less like a relationship, and back to just dating...

I went through the first interview, they're working on setting up the second offer, and I hope I get it. It is a substantial salary increase, an opportunity to gain a ton of experience in my field, and give me the opportunity to travel. I just don't know if I'm making the right decision. I did think about her throughout the process, as I told her she can apply to school in NY and I wouldn't even want her to work, just focus on school, as well as the original intention was to wait till the end of the year and apply to jobs in Boston to be with her.

She moved her stuff out of my apartment over the weekend, and I talked to her about attempting a long distance relationship. She said she is willing to try, but she doesn't like long distance relationships, and likes to be close and physical with the person she's with(who doesn't?). She also felt like me pursuing this further was against the original plan we had, and that if it was her she wouldn't have entertained the idea, which I told her I wouldn't want her to pass up if the situation was flipped. She said she felt like I wasn't making the relationship a priority, and that I could've found a similar position down here, or remote.

Today she also told me that apartment searching was hard. She told me she thought she had a plan *cough* and doesn't know how she will pay for rent and go to school full time, as she is taking online pre-reqs over the summer.

I also feel pretty guilty because I know we were going to move in together after her lease was up, so I mean I did mess up in that respect, but since I thought the solid plan was a northeast move, and that her summer classes are online, and that since she hated her job and wanted to leave, that it was a viable option to do things a little early.

I'm definitely going to push for the steps forward in my career, but I'm so dissapointed that things are the way they are.

Any opinions on this situation?

[chinagirl]

Why can't you work in NY while she goes to school in Boston? You can have a 3 day weekend together every week if she can schedule her class properly. NYC to Boston is only a 4 hour drive or train/ bus ride. If you both love each other and are serious in the relationship, I'm sure you can make sacrifice for a few years.

Why doesn't she want to go to school in NY?

[Wakeup]

Its a relationship of five months and she's all pissy because you didn't take her into consideration when going on an interview? Yea... I think you should just do your own thing and find someone in NYC... If you actually get the job.

Good luck. Hope you get what you want... First you have to actually know what that is before you can get it though.

I also feel pretty guilty because I know we were going to move in together after her lease was up,

Never, ever move in with someone during the honeymoon period (that means not until at lest two years is up and you're still finding her adorable). You don't even know her enough to do such a thing and you're committing yourself to someone who is on her best behaviour. Wait until she starts showing her ugly side (which she has with the drama of breaking up with you because you're going on an interview) and if you still want her after that, then move in with her. (that goes for any girl you meet, not just her)

Use some common sense and logic here, OP and look after your best interests.

[dem862]

You have only been with her for 5 months. You are still in the infatuation/ honeymoon stage. You are considering a potentially life-changing career move that would position you and your family in a much better situation FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. I don't even see the comparison here. If you were married to her, maybe with children, and a few years under your belt, I would consider her opinion. But as it stands, I don't see where you have that much investment in her that would offset the gains you and your future family would accrue from that position.

[chinagirl]

I know two couples who had a NY-Boston relationship for awhile and they are now both engage. It takes a lot of effort and patience but it can happen.

You need to make your GF understand that this job means a lot to you if you get it and would make a big impact on your career and future. She can have the option to be with you in NY or be in a long distance relationship for sometime until you can move in together.

[michelle23]

Dont offer to support her financially. Your only together 5months, no kids, not married.. if shes financially dependant on you then it will be v hard to leave if this doesnt work out..

I think shes being overly dramatic and selfish. You have dreams and goals too which are equally important to hers. This job sounds like it could open many doors for you and set you up for life so if you get it-you would be a fool not to take it.

Put your career first

[surfhb]

Hmmmm. Maybe explain to her that this job is about both of you.

This girl is firing off red flares just about everywhere IMO....I'd bail

First of all....who wants a girl who can't support herself? What a pain in the ass. 2nd, what kind of woman doesn't support a decent mans career choice ? Jeez bro ! Are you blind here?