Please help need advice

[Ded]

Hey all, so here is my issue, hopefully someone can give me decent advice because I am at a lost.


So I have been with this girl for 8 months or so. I love her a lot and spend all my time with her, so much so that I have pretty much stopped talking to any of my other friends with the exception of my best friend which i see like maybe once eveyr few weeks.

Yet despite that she constantly tells me I never have time for her and / or I am to busy for her which is so not, nor has ever been the case.

Plus on top of all this when ever she gets mad she goes out of her way to do or say things with the sole purpose of trying to hurt me. She has admitted as much and uses the excuse "Well I was upset" although I do not do that to her when I get upset, all I've ever done when I am upset is try to talk to her about it which I just get bitched at for "lecturing" her.

I know she has had some family issues and other stuff growing up and I am starting to think she might suffer from borderline personality disorder, or some other mental health issue. I mean she herself says she is not alright mentally.

Anyways back on point. I have never lied to her, have proven myself over and over again. Even going as far as showing her my computer history, or facebook and anything else she demands, whenever she demands. Yet she is always accusing me of doing something, like always, when the only thing i ever do is spend time with her. I can't even ask her to do something or not do something because if I do I am apparently being controlling.

I don't get why she always think I am doing something I shouldn't be. In fact she has done a few things she shouldn't have done. Like lie to me for 3 weeks. First week her internet was down and was waiting on a new modem to be delivered, second and 3rd week one of her game accounts got hacked which she even accused me of doing when in fact the game account was never hacked at all. When I busted her for the 3 weeks she used the excuse she just wanted to play games with her brother, to which I said dude I don't care if you play games with your brother, what I care about is your brother and ex are best friends and if one is playing a game then the other is playing with him. So if you wanna play stuff with your brother than fine but I am asking you not to if he is playing with your ex. So she lied for 3 weeks and accused me of hacking her account when it was never hacked to play with her brother and of course her ex.

I really don't think the issue with playing with her ex is unreasonable or me asking her not too. I mean I can't even talk to a chick I've known for 5+ years who is happily married with kids without me having a thing for her. Hell I even had to remove that friend from facebook. Or my best friend asked me to help his niece fix some stuff for her cause she streams. Even told her to ask him if she doubts me, but she refuses to believe it was his niece and when he is around or in a skype call with us she doesn't speak. Well that's if I can even get her in a skype call with us...there was only one time she joined a call with us but she said she wasn't going to talk at all so I said ok well you can mute your mic if you don't wanna talk, which later turned into me forbidding her from talking which was not the case at all. Only told her to mute her mic because she said she didn't wanna talk and she screams and yells at whatever game she is playing...constantly. I mean to the point where I don't even know anymore if she is talking to me or the game.

Then after catching her in lies (there has been others) now if I doubt she felt bad, or loves me, or even wants to be with me I am somehow in the wrong and end up getting told what an asshole I am for doubting she loves me and wants to be with me and how she doesn't care about anything for 5 hours until I say I am sorry despite the fact i haven't done anything besides doubt her and the reason I doubt her is her own fault.

I try talking to her about stuff but it is nearly impossible because EVERYTHING I say gets turned around. Like last week I said "I know I can be thick sometimes" then got bitched at for 4 and a half hours because saying I can be think sometimes is in some way me calling her thick. She only see's and hears what she wants regardless of how carefully I word things.

So my question is wtf do I do? In all honesty she seems abusive in my point of view, but I don't know.. kinda of at a loss.

Someone, anyone, give me advice please.

[basilandthyme]

This relationship sounds really shitty. It's only been 8 months, yet you have given us a laundry list of what a terrible partner she is. Why on earth are you still seeing her?

[Ded]

I don't know cause I am confused? I mean I care about her, just don't know if that's enough. **** man I'm confused lol just wanted some insight.

[basilandthyme]

No, caring about her is most certainly not enough. A good relationship needs foundations of respect, thoughtfulness, compromise, understanding, caring, honesty etc etc. Without these things, the relationship has nothing.

How much relationship experience have you had? You do know that there is so much better to be had than this?

[Ded]

No, caring about her is most certainly not enough. A good relationship needs foundations of respect, thoughtfulness, compromise, understanding, caring, honesty etc etc. Without these things, the relationship has nothing.

How much relationship experience have you had? You do know that there is so much better to be had than this?

Well I've had a lot of relationship experience. I'm 40 even tho saying this embarrasses me..not because I am 40 but because I had to come here for advice, I mean I should know better.

I just thought maybe the fault was mine some how or I was being unreasonable.

[Adviceguru]

I don't know everything that's happened, there is always 2 sides to every story. That being said this... female just sounds toxic. It doesn't even matter what you might have done. You said yourself you try talking about shit and she is just plain hurtful for the sake of being hurtful. That's just not healthy. You should get out, find someone lol I don't know human and try to be happy.