Help?!

[Wetash]

I was close to a guy first as a friend. Being a friend, I used to be very carefree and honestly never cared so much as much as he used to for me. Then things changed between us, we started liking each other.. and there was a role reversal, I started caring a lot. He used to spend a lot of time(literally whole day and night) around me and my friends in my house. after relationship he started moving away...
he broke up with saying I changed a lot after relationship started. Basically I felt that everytime I tried getting a little closer to him than I was when I was his friend, he told me I changed. Is it usual that people do change a little after relationship? I mean, being his friend and being his girlfriend, there was a subtle change I found in me. I never expected him to message me, take me out more or anything. I used to get worried if he came home late and stuff, which I never used to do when I was his friend... things like that.. If I messaged are you okay, when he was drunk, he used to take it in some wrong way. I have no clue why!
What am I supposed to make of this ? !

[TheEvilJester]

I kind of think we'd need more information than what you have shared to comment more effectively. I mean, you say you did change after you two started dating. Can you be a little more specific? You say you would get worried if he came home late. Is it at all possible you worried too much? Did you maybe text and/or call him repeatedly during times like that asking where he was? Or did you two often get into fights over it? I'm not exactly sure what you mean by him taking it wrong when you ask if he is okay while he is drunk.

Without being closer to the situation, or at least having more details, it will be a little hard for any of us to comment. It is possible there were things you may have done (even though I am sure you were not intending to push him away) that caused him to re-think his feelings for you.

....

However, it is just as possible that he just realized he no longer really felt that way about you. Sometimes people don't realize they aren't really a good match until they try. Maybe he was crushing on you, but when you two finally got together he just realized it didn't really work out for him.

For that matter, it could also be possible he is just a flaky person to begin with. Maybe he only wants what he can't have, so he was crushing on you hardcore when you were just friends. Now that he has you, he lost interest.

Any of these things are a possibility. Either way, though, it sounds like your end result is the same. Perhaps I am overreacting. Without being closer to the situation, I can't know for sure. However, it sounds like he has lost interest in the relationship, so I think your best bet is to move on as well. You shouldn't have to convince somebody of your worth. If he can't see that, then he doesn't deserve you anyway. You deserve to be with somebody who would only fall more and more madly in love with you, not somebody who may only be interested in the chase and quickly lose interest once they get what they wanted.

Good luck to you.

[Wetash]

Thank you for the reply.
So when the whole thing started, I told him clearly that I was very scared as I am completely new to it, and if things go wrong it will hurt me way too much. thats my character, I told him I am a very serious person, which he knew too. He had a past with a girl, and he had always told me things about her, so in the beginning I was worried about that. She had broken it with him, but they were still in touch always. I told him to tell me if anything changes so things dont get messed up. I wanted to make sure I wasnt getting inbetween them as they had just broken up. didnt want a scenario where someone was trying to make someone jealous and I was just there like a rebound. He knew exactly how I felt. I am not sure if he understood though. I left it, I decided to keep it my mind from them and let it resolve itself.
I have never texted if I was worried or something, infact I never used to care if he replied to my messages or not. I changed in the sense I got closer to him from my side. When i was his friend, I didnt value him so much. When I fell in love with him,I changed, I got closer. I havent worried too much, but whenever I was worried I have expressed it to him. Mainly with his drinking beacuase he drank everyday. One main issue he felt was, we fought whenever he was drunk. and he didnt like that because he wanted to enjoy his buzz. He thought I was taking his space away if I made sure he was okay. This was all in the beginning, after which I totally relaxed. I knew from the start that things would be a little shaky in the beginning because both of us had jsut realized that we liked each other. I mean there was no time to digest that fact. We started lking each other at the same time. and it was more tough for me to suddenly see that he was mine, as till that day I kept seeing him as someone else's whom he was really in love with.
He felt I took his space away, taht I didnt understand it when he said he cant talk to me when he was drunk , i am too emotional. he told my friend all this , he never told me anything. he never fought with me, so now I feel he was just judging me, wanting me to do things he didnt like. If he had told me any of this, we would have fought and someone would have said a sorry and it would have gotten over. I had no intentions of taking his space away,( I didnt do it either ), i wasnt clingy, nothing. The only thing is he is way more sensitive than me, so maybe whenevr we fougtn and it got bad, I guess he didnt forget. We fought about stupid things, I never thought they were serious. he just kept everything in his head. never shouted at me, never opened up, finally just broke it and went!
Whenever i had an issue, i have been frank to him and tried to sort it out. he never tried, I feel he just gave up in like two fights or something..
is that how is it always? like do people give up in one or two fights? He just became distant and lost interest. when i started going into it.
I am not sure if I did something so wrong, to make him give up so fast? arent fights common, i always wanted to sort the fight and go sleep, he always just wanted to go sleeep on it and never talk about it. I gave into his policy thinking he would be okay, but seems to me now that he never forgot anything even if he did sleep on it!

[TheEvilJester]

Again, I mean absolutely no offense in this, but I feel like you are giving us a lot of text with very little context. That could just be me, I don't know. However, you shared plenty of details here, but I still don't feel I understand the bigger picture any better.

From the new details you shared I still don't really know whether to feel like you were maybe overly clingy and that sort of drove him away or if he is just a flake and you deserve better anyway. You say he often gets drunk every day. To me, that borders on being an issue, so I am not so sure I can blame you for having a problem with that.

However, if it isn't actually EVERY day, and he is well in control of it (but just likes to sometimes enjoy drinking) then that may be different. Then, I'd say as long as he doesn't allow it to get out of control, you should allow him to enjoy himself.

Now, you also say that you feel like every time you two argue about something, he seems to give up and become distant after only one or two discussions. Let me be the first to say.... NO, that is not normal or okay in any way. Again, not being closer to the situation, I have no idea if this is because of the way you are in an argument that causes him to feel it isn't worth it..... or if it means he is just a quitter and/or a stubborn jerk who refuses to listen to criticism even if it is true.

To answer your other questions, you should certainly never be able to describe fighting as "common" in your relationship. Especially this early on in a relationship. If you are fighting often enough to consider it a "common" occurrence in your relationship, then that is saying something. Yes, fights/disagreements happen from time to time in ALL relationships, but they certainly shouldn't be happening often. If they are, then you either need to end things or else sit down and have a serious talk as to what is really wrong and how (or if) it can be fixed.

I don't know whether the issue here is that you have been too clingy or if the issue is he is not taking the relationship seriously enough. Without more specific details, or being closer to the situation, I can't know. However, if you really sit back and assess the situation, I think you can honestly figure that out. Your course of action really differs depending upon what you feel is the core of the problem. Good luck to you, though. I really hope you do figure it out and decide what you think is best.