He didn't want to be in relationship with me...now we are together...

[Seaweedgirl]

So I met my current bf on tinder. We had been seeing each other for about 4 months, and everything was going well. He hadn't said anything about us being "exclusive", and I wanted to know what we were. I really liked him at this point, and wanted us to be a couple. I talked to him about it, saying that I wanted us to be exclusive. He replied with he wasn't seeing anyone else. I told him that I wanted us to be exclusive as in boyfriend and girlfriend. He had an issue with that and started stuttering out excuses like he didn't want to be hurt again. I told him that if he wasn't going to take the jump and be exclusive with me, then we would just have to be friends. I left his house - he didn't try to stop me.

Next day, after many tears, we started messaging. I was upset, and still wanted him to be in my life...and so I suggested that we be sex buddies, just so that I could be with him. Very bad I know. But anyway, he of course liked that idea, so that's how it went. After about 2 months of that, he asked me to be his girlfriend.

Everything has been nice since (8 months of being officially together now), we haven't had any fights, and we get along well. But, in the back of mind, I remember how he didn't want to be with me initially...and that hurts. If I hadn't of hung around, we wouldn't be together. Makes me kinda feel like the relationship was forced... and it makes me question if I should be with him.

I dunno...am I just being overly sensitive? I'd love to get some advice from people!

[BenjaminO]

Some people believe in love at first sight; I, for one, don't.

I gather from what you've written in your first paragraph that your partner must have just come out of a bit of a nasty breakup? If that is the case, it's important to know that not all of us have the immediate strength to latch onto the next closest thing. Those wounds can hurt for a long time, young wounds hurt especially. It's entirely likely that he meant no disrespect, especially knowing how things have turned out for the better.

It sounds as though you currently have a very healthy relationship! However, I'm uncertain if there is any method or wisdom behind reaffirming his earliest fears (not being hurt again) now that your relationship has begun to mature. If at any time you feel as though you've become truly unhappy because of those troublesome feelings, it is a duty to yourself to do something about it. Sometimes all that means is that we put our best foot forward and show our partners they chose well. Communication is the mark of a lasting relationship. A staple for most, I'd say. I half wonder if he'd concede to talk openly with you about your worries? Often times all it takes is a hearty smile, a hug, or an "I love you" to make those stubborn feelings wash away.

In my limited opinion: good love is planted, then grown. I believe you're on a favorable path. If you find yourselves happy together, rejoice! Good luck!

[TheEvilJester]

I can definitely understand how you feel. You feel like he didn't want you then, so you almost can't help but wonder what has changed now. Yes, had you come to us back when he was breaking it off, I would have most definitely suggested moving on and absolutely NOT suggested just a "sex buddies" type relationship. The thing is, life isn't black and white. Those sort of situations rarely work out, but it isn't like rarely automatically equals never.

Maybe this is one situation where it did. Maybe he just needed time to heal from his past, and after a while he realized how much he really DOES like you and want to be with you. So, really, right now if it is working, don't doubt it. If he's given you no further reason to doubt it, then don't. After all, you stuck with him even when you were thinking maybe you shouldn't.... when he didn't want to be serious/exclusive. Why give up on it all of a sudden now, when he actually DOES want to be serious/exclusive?

I mean, certainly do so with some caution. But, unless he gives you reason to believe he may suddenly change his mind again, why not give him the benefit of the doubt? Good luck. I hope it goes well for you. :-)